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Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
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I hate Russian dolls, they're so full of themselves.
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What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know and I don’t care.
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The man who invented knock-knock jokes should get a "no bell" prize.

"no bell" get it? yeah I know silly.
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One last blast of jokes before the New Year. I realize not everyone will be at a time of life to be in a jokey mood, for those I wish love & compassion.

Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions.
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If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
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I intend to live forever, or die trying.
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The Two Most Important Words In The World Are Honesty And Sincerity, If You Can Fake These You’ve Got It Made.
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There’s one way to find out if a man is honest – ask him. If he says, ‘Yes,’ you know he is a crook.
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Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
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I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
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The shape I’m in, I could donate my body to science fiction. RD
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No @budleofjoy posting any more either? they use to do a lot of joke and other posts.

My ex-wife is a water sign and I’m an earth sign. Together we made mud. RD
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Not a joke but kind of one. Hubs was asking me about the gift certificates I got for Christmas,, did I get one for a massage? Yep says I, from DD. turns out he got me one too, it was still up on the dresser... LOL But now we call it the day after Christmas gift,, could be a new trend.
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Just one day out from Christmas and I maybe should turn myself in to the thought police.
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The best part of being over 40 is that we did all of our stupid stuff before the internet was invented.
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Welcome back to plastic surgery anonymous. It’s so nice to see so many new faces.
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My husband and I got divorced over religious reasons.

He thought that he was God and I didn’t.
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Getting a divorce is like being fired from a job that you have hated for years.
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I think I just invented four new yoga poses when I reached for the chocolate chip cookie that I dropped under the table.
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I remember when yoga was called Twister.
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Using the toilet on an airplane means that I am certified to teach yoga.
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The optimist sees the donut, the pessimist sees the hole.

Oscar Wilde
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Vodka may not be the answer but it’s worth a shot.
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The first thing on my bucket list is to fill the bucket up with wine!
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My New Year’s resolution is to keep my glass half full, with either gin or vodka!
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I pick fresh vegetables everyday. I feed them to my pig and he converts them into bacon.
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A dying man smells his favorite oatmeal cookies raisin cookies downstairs.

It takes all the strength he has to crawl down the stairs. He sees the cookies cooling on the kitchen counter and staggers over to them.

As he reaches for one of the cookies, his wife’s wrinkled hand reaches out and smacks him.

His wife yells at him, “No! You can’t have those, they are for the funeral.”
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My ex wife’s cooking was cold and bland.

Clearly, she put her heart and soul into it.
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HHF
Your story reminded me of one of my own. I asked a niece at about 6 or 7 if she wanted to make some money and help me straighten my house. I had two toddlers and I wanted to get their toys all organized. She said yes. She came over and we got busy and got a lot done. I suppose she was getting a little tired and she asked me ‘Aunt 97, when are we going to make that money?” 😳
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