mrsribit Posted August 2012
Jokes needed to lighten our day. Enter at your own risk!
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My personal style is best described as
"didn't expect to get out of the car".
"PEOPLE...
not a big fan."
I never finish anythi
"Stress balls really work
when you shove them down someone's throat."
"Even my aches and pains have aches and pains."
Person: Hey what's up?
Me: My stress levels.
"I'm NOT stressed.
I'm relaxationally-challenged."
“They say you slow down as you get older. I guess that’s true. These days it takes me twice as long to do nothing.”
Cute joke! 😊
10 years later, the friends, now in their 50s had to again decide on the place for reunion, and again chose the Ocean View, this time because the food was great, and they liked the wine selection.
10 years later, now 60s, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Why not the Ocean View? They could eat in peace and quiet, and the view of the water made the place so serene.
Sure enough, time went flying by and at 70 the "girls" chose the Ocean View. Wheel chair accessible, and they'd just put in that new elevator.
Alas, another decade passed, and at 80 there they were, with yet another decision to make about where to have dinner.
They decided on the Ocean View because none of them had ever been there.
It's long, and it's stolen, but that just makes it all the more "me".
Isaac Asimov
A couple getting married.
Priest:
Do you take this optometrist for better or for worse? Better?...Worse?...Better?
"Follows diet.
Diet doesn't follow back.
Unfollows diet."
"Still waiting for that fairytale scene
where the animals clean everything for me."
"Yeah I'm a pacifist.
I'm about to pass a fist
across his face."
"Due to the massive increase in deliveries,
FedEx and UPS have joined forces
and are now Fed-Up."
"For me, being 'chill' is getting to the airport 3 hours before take-off, so I can sit in a restaurant directly across from my gate and be anxious about missing my flight from there."
"I don't know how much coffee you had,
but you're at a 10,
and I'm gonna need you at a 3."
"Listen, being the family disappointment is a tough job,
but someone has to step up
and take one for the team."
"One minute you're young and cool,
maybe even a little dangerous,
and the next minute you're reading amazon reviews for birdseed."
"I'm not sure about an inner child,
but I have an inner idiot who surfaces every now and then."
"I'll get over it.
I just gotta be dramatic first."
Anxiety:
Beware.
Me:
?? Can you be more specific?
Anxiety:
:)
"What state do you live in?'"
Constant anxiety.
"Yes. I have oreos. No. You may not have any."
Dear New Year Resolutions,
Well, it was fun while it lasted.
"I don't know who needs to hear this...
but you don't need anything from Amazon today."
I am a recovering people pleaser.
(Is that OK?)
"Sleep
is for people without internet."