I'm now my grandmother-in-law's caregiver and it's annoying.

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Hi, I'm taking care of my grandmother in law, her son and two grandchildren want nothing to do with her now my husband and I are living with her in our home. I am the one who's doing all the work. I should have never agree for her to move in with us, and now I am her caregiver it's annoying.


3930 helpful answers
Grandchildren seem to be taking on an increasing role in caregiving. One reason is that they have done much of the child rearing. I believe that it's extra hard for you since you're at a time in your life when you truly should be able to have more freedom to map out your future to some degree.

You may want to read this article on grandchildren prompted by a couple of heart breaking notes that I received from young caregivers and also some on the agingcare forum.


Your husband should be doing his share of this work. Certainly the rest of the family should be too, but insist on help. Moving an elder into your home is a huge step. Doing so at a presumably young age has got to be harder.

You aren't alone. Please keep coming back to the site and posting your thoughts. There is a lot of knowledge in this community. Also, if your grandmothers have any specific ailments such as diabetes or Alzheimer's look to those disease specific sites for education and help.

Keep us posted!
Thank you Carol, I have been reaching out to her son, but he doesn't want to be bothered. My husband doesn't help me at all how can they expect me to do all of the work she's my In-law.
Check into all service she might be eligible for by calling her doctor and requesting an in home assessment. A home care provider will come out and determine the needs. If she is on medicare most will be covered by her insurance.

Being the granddaughter, I assume you are a younger person possibly with children to care for. They are your primary responsibility. Might be time to look into assisted living or even nursing home.

You can put your foot down and tell her children this is not working and other arrangements need to be met; give them a date to move Grandma and stick to it. It isn't easy but you should not be doing caregiving unless it is really something you want to do. Not a good situation for you, your family or Grandma.

All the encouraging words in the world will not give you your life back and at this stage, your life is pretty dang important. Good luck!
You should talk with your husband for a solution that suits the three of you, or it will get worse, your husband should be the one doing most of the caring.
Why doesn't your mother-in-law's son want nothing to do with his mother? Same with her grandchildren? They should be grateful that you offered to care for her and to spend some time helping you out, even if it is just visiting so that you can get away for an hour or two.
^^^^ sorry, typo... meant grandmother-in-law.
3930 helpful answers
I agree with most of the people on this thread. If your husband won't do his share then it's time to say that you are getting assistance for his mother.

Check your state website by typing in the name of your state and the word "aging" - you should see a list of links taking you to your local services. Keep checking through until you see contacts who may be able to help you find services for your grandmother-in-law and make it plain to her family that this is what is going to be done.

Even if you are close to her, you should not be expected to provide all of the care and emotional support. If the family won't help then others will be found to do so - paid or community services.

Please keep us posted on how you are doing. Just venting helps a lot, but also there are many people here with varied experiences in different states. That information can be very helpful with specifics since states and communities can be so different in the services they provide.

Yes, I have a discussion with my husband and her son, over the weekend. I'm sending a demand letter to her son "saying step up to help his mother or I will call adult protection services". I don't trust any assisted living facility, and I don't want to placed her in that kind of a care at this time.
She's very happy in our home i don't want to disturbed her living arrangements with us at this time.
3930 helpful answers
You've got a big heart. I hope that the son gets the message that he needs to help, too. This could work if others would only help you. Please keep us in the loop. We can listen even if we can't change things.
Take care,

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