Advice needed for guilt from Mom
I live with my Mom who is 75 and has dementia. I love her more than anyone. I also have a brother who I am no longer close to. He has not been there for me. I have had struggles and when they hit, he pulled away. My Mom goes to his house 2 x a month for dinner. My brother and his wife don't invite me - yet my Mom says they invite me through her. Basically I love their kids a lot but am not comfortable around my brother and his wife. I feel judgement and my brother and I bicker when we do end up talking. He was also pretty mean to me over the years. My Mother cries and gives me guilt for not going to dinner (which I never personally got an invite to). She also always says their boys (my nephews) always ask for me and say where am I. Its a subtle guilt. My Mom is old and frail. Am I selfish for avoiding them? When I do see my nephews I am loving and always have gifts. But their parents are not loving towards me. Since I had depression and gained weight, they have pulled away and I feel judgement. Talking does no good, since it escalates to fights. I feel guilt though that my Mom wants me to go to these dinners (which I wa never invited to directly). I also feel bad bc I am angry with the guilt my Mom gives me. It makes me feel bad. Then she brings up the Bible. I do forgive my brother and wish them well, I just don't care to see them much - since I was very hurt by him over the years. His wife doesn't bridge the gap either. I just feel bad that I don't suck it up and go. But I don't want to. I also don't feel good about myself and feel they haven't been there for me.