Caregiver giving up.

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Mom is end stage lung cancer that has spread everywhere. Hospice has been called. I stay at moms during the week and travel an hour back to my home to work 3 days then back to moms home. My brother helps when I'm not there. Im under the care for anxiety disorder. Even before this all started. Stressed. Crying nightmares hyperventilating. Tired. I want to give up. I have support. My dad has primary progressive multiple sclerosis so i care for him also.

28 Comments

You are stretched way too thin, maybe it is time to consider a hospice facility for your mom. ((hugs))
Please give yourself permission to allow hospice to make your mom comfortable and take care of yourself. There is only so long someone can be on death vigil before it takes its toll. Death vigils were never meant to last a long time because they actually mean a period of **purposeful** sleeplessness. Your sleeplessness is no longer serving its purpose and is hurting you. You also are driving a lot in an impaired state from lack of sleep and that's neither good for you nor those with whom you share the road. Like they say on airplanes: "Put your oxygen mask on first before assisting others."
Thank you for your response. My husband does the driving as we only have 1 car. My mom does not want to be in a facility. Hopefully hospice will be started Monday. I have the nurse out to check on mom today. My concern was using up all my fmla hours. I just hate that anyone has to go through anything like losing a loved one. Thank you for letting me vent.
Mom just turned 60. Im just expressing my sadness and looking for all the positive feedback. Im learning more than i ever thought i needed. Asking for strength through Prayer.
My goodness! You are so on overload I wonder how you had the energy to type this! As you know, this really cannot continue indefinitely. How is your brother doing? Is he on overload too?

Are you in therapy for your anxiety? Talk to your counselor about these tough choices.

Mother wants to stay home. (Doesn't everyone want to die in their own home?) To do that she needs someone in the house 24 hours a day. Hospice does not provide that. They can provide their care in a private home or a nursing home or in their own facility, if they have one. In the NH or their facility someone would be monitoring her around the clock. If she is in a private home, that has to be provided privately.

Can mom afford around the clock in-home care for a couple of days a week, reducing your load somewhat? Does she by any chance have a long term care policy? Are there other relatives or close friends that could cover some days? Who takes care of your dad while you are at your mother's? Does he live with her? You need a way to save some fmla days and to reduce your stress level. Knowing that your mother is dying is stressful enough, and you can't do much about that except talk to your therapist. But I sincerely hope you can make arrangements to lessen your load! Talk to the hospice people on Monday for suggestions.

You and your brother are doing heroic work. I know the feelings of anxiety and sadness overshadow every other feeling now, but you also deserve to feel very proud!
Mom has been sleeping since last night. She seems irritable at times. There is a wheezing when she breathes. She is refusing to take pills meds by mouth and thinks she cant swallow them. Swelling started this weekend and we needed to increase pain patch. I think mom is in transition. My heart is in a million pieces.
So sorry, Overload.
Your Mom is leaving you much too early, much too young.
This is tragic for her, and so sad for you too.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers for strength.
Don't give up.
Overload
Make yourself as comfortable as possible
A cup of tea, a snack some soothing music a pillow or favorite blanket

Prayers and hugs for you
Thank you all for the prayers. Im afraid if i try to sleep ugh. Nurse is coming and had me give the med crushed up for the agitation. I feel like this is the last night we will have. So my intuition is spot on and this is almost the end. Hospice is a blessing for mom to stay at home. 
I am praying for you right now. 💝💝💝

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