I'm feeling frustrated and at the end of my rope!

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I'm feeling frustrated and at the end of my rope, I'm worn down and tired, and I wish there was hope. This disease takes her mind, and shakes it around, she can't help being, not of the sound. She acts like a child, with tantrums and fights, She makes terrible messes, and won't sleep at night. To care for a loved one, you have to be strong, But to give up this burden, is it really that wrong?


It's not at all wrong...sometimes being her daughter might be just being there to visit and letting the professionals take on her care. You are wearing yourself out. I know the feeling, I was there not long ago. I also had doubts about my quality of care. Being exhausted and stressed to the max. But consider this...the cost of nursing facilities or the cost of having someone hired to do the work at your home. I know when I was at the end of my rope thats what I was considering. You need rest and you need away time. When I finally got some respite and someone to come in and sit with mom. I felt so much better. It brought a new perspective on her care.
Also as much as it kills you...don't argue with her or try and stir up a fight. There is nothing in her brain at this time that gives her real reasoning. Nothing you say to her will registar...no matter what she believes she is right and there is no way around it. Her brain is shrinking...the childish behavior will get worst. The woman you know as your mom is an imposter...she is only the shell of the person, her mind is gone. God Bless you and my prayers are with you.
lreese, It is not wrong of you to feel this way. It sounds as though the time has passed when you can do this all on your own. Having some help doesn't make you any less a caregiver; caregiving is about doing the best you can for the person you are caring for, and sometimes, the best involves stepping back and getting help. Whether you choose to care for her in the current situation or look for placement in a skilled care or long term care facility, you need some help. Going it alone is no longer an option.

In your shoes, I would buy myself some time by hiring someone to come in for a couple of hours a day. That is likely not a solution, but it will let you rest a little so you will be able to explore your options and make some decisions. Alternately, some facilities offer respite care and if one exists in your area, you could look into that. Either way, you need some down time so you can think and make plans. My heart goes out to you. Be proud of all the work you have done to this point and try to realize asking for and accepting help is not a flaw.
Nice rhyme!?

Best advice from me is to seek re-occurring respite care. When your mind is clear, review your options and the consequences of those options. Don't make any knee-jerk decisions while your burned out. The feelings you are having now are common in the caregiving community.

You are not alone. My mom recently passed, and I cherish every moment I took care of her... even with the screaming at me. I actually miss even that! Read through the posts here at Agingcare.com. This site helped me through some very dark days, and the community is supportive of each other.

The hardest thing is asking for help... and asking for help again and again until you get the help you need. Remember this: You can't take care of anyone when you can barely put one foot in front of the other. Get yourself a break and focus on YOU. Then you'll be in position to help your Mom.
thank you bpryor, it was a rhyme i made up last night. They have put my mom on some med that after 3 weeks of taking it, now my mom has never been too mean, she is controlling and she is manipulative and needs constant attention, she is now saying things like, I wish I could hit you with a sledge hammer, or another one last night was, I hate you and I want to stab you. She also threw her food at dinner. YIKES!! She has never talked like that, except the "I hate you" only when I give her a bath. I am going to talk to her doctor. They put her on Donepezil 10 mg, anyone have experience with this med?

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