Frustrated about finances.
Last fall I wrote about my MIL's refusal to let us know and help manage her cash flow. We had been giving her money monthly, which was not always easy. I still have one in college, and my husband's income fluctuates and is not predictable. She had me help her with some financial aid forms, and through this I found out that although her finances were tight, she could, if things were carefully managed, pay her bills with much fewer dollars from us. I discussed this with her, she did not want me helping her manage her finance or knowing what her cash flow was like. I didn't like writing a blank check either, particularly when tuition bills were due. We stopped giving her monthly money, and wrote out a suggested budget plan for her (which I don't think she paid any attention to). We gave her cash for Christmas and her birthday. Recently her real estate taxes came due, and she could not pay them. We were going to try to help pay them, and then she told my husband that she was going to need help at the end of the month too. I got together with her earlier this week, and she told me she needed to pay back a cousin, who had helped her with some expenses (we were not aware of this). The cousin did not want her to pay her back, MIL did not feel good about this, I suggested that since she was low on funds right now to give her a small amount. (50). Yesterday she told me she paid her back 150. This is so totally frustrating because now she is going to need even more help from us. I talked to her again that if she was going to need help from us, we really need to be in on the finances and help her manage the cash flow. I understand the resistance to loss of independence but at this point if she is going to need continued assistance...this is the way it has to be. After our conversation, she called another relative (whom she had said she would never ask for help from) and asked for help - they are going to give her the money for the taxes. That's all well and good but it feels to me that she wants the help without addressing the real problem: the money situation needs to be managed more closely or this is just going to happen again with the next big bill. My husband and I are in agreement, that when she brings up the need for help at the end of the month, we are revisiting the issue of knowing what's going on and helping manage it. Part of me feels selfish for not wanting to give her money without knowing the cash flow, but in the lean months I don't want to have to face a choice between helping her or helping my daughter. One thing I thought of, was creating a separate account. 1/4 of her income goes into what essentially is reserved for groceries, cash, incidentals - whatever she wants to spend it on, we don't care. 3/4 would go into an account used strictly for the bills, which we would help manage. That 3/4 would not always cover all the bills, but the shortfall would be more manageable for us. Anybody tried anything like this?