My mom is going to be moving into my home during her hospice period and I am so frightened that it is going to change my husbands and my relationship and life.

Started by

12 Comments

Breathe! Will there be a hospice nurse at your home, and if so, how often? Is your husband on board with this or is he resisting the change? Do you have a plan in place, especially to have time for yourself, and for you and your husband to be alone each week?
Hospice is usually end of life. They will pop in whenever you need them. They are really good. Meds come in a flash when you need them. I would say gather all your strength from your friends and family. Can you elaborate on her illness?
If you mother is experiencing an end of life illness (which is usually the basis for hospice), then I think that you should focus your time and energy on her. Your husband should be understanding of this and when it's all said and done, you will have no regrets. While hospice nurses and aides will come in several times a week, the visits are brief. Most hospice agencies have volunteers who will come in and sit with a patient for a few hours to provide the family member a break. Be upfront and honest with your hospice nurse and let them help you through this. They will be wonderful and you will be blessed to have cared for your mother.
It will change your life, but not as much as it will your mother's.
Enjoy and appreciate whatever time she has left to spend with you.
Make some plans ahead of time that you both agree on so that each of you can get some away time both individually and as a couple that's not going to work or going shopping unless retail therapy is really your thing. To accomplish this, you will need some help from a licensed agency who can provide people to be there while ya'll get your down time.
Thanks for the support, my husband loves my mom like his own so he is very supportive. I have been caring for my mom for several months in her home, but I think all in all it will be much easier to care for her in my home without having to run back and forth. Its just difficult in a reverse roll, my mom is stubborn and she can still press my insecurity buttons. But its okay I have much patience and actually it will be a privilege just scary for me.
Just remember to practice the boundary of being your mother's adult child and not your mother's little girl for what she needs right now stubborn or not as well as what you yourself and your husband needs now as well as for the duration of this journey is for you to function in that role reversal of being the adult daughter. I would suggest therapy for those still pushable insecurity buttons which are probably marked with the brail of F.O.G. fear, obligation and guilt. Her ability to press those buttons will be easier and with more intensity right in your own home, so again therapy is strongly suggested. Otherwise your going to end up in an unhealthy triangle of stubborn mom, depleted insecure you and a very angry husband over how his wife's button's are getting pushed. That kind of mom/daughter/SIL dynamic can easily become an emotional triangle where everyone gets hurt. To avoid that, keep your boundaries in place
Since you said "hospice period", I assume that you will be having hospice professionals coming into your home to assist during this end of life time for your mother. If this is the case, then you can rest assured that you, your mother, and your husband will be well taken care of. You can ask them if they can refer a volunteer to your home so that you and your husband can get out of the house for the rest you'll need. I am sorry that you and your mother and family are going through this, but with hospice people at your side, the situation will be handled the best way it can.
You all had such great advice, and it is now one month and thngs are going quite smoothly here in my house. My mom loves being here and I can actually give her all the attention she was craving. She is having more bad days than good, meaning she is sleeping more and her angina is not responding to her meds. She actually stopped "pressing my buttons" as my whole day is centered around her. Because she is sleeping more I am able to breathe and get things done I wasn't able to. I know the worse is yet to come and I can do this.
Moushiel, this is good to hear that things are running smoothly at your home, although it is a very difficult time at the same time because your mother is in the final stage of her life. Hospice workers are a wonderful help, as you are finding out. By bringing in hospice at this stage and not waiting too long, you are doing yourself and your mother a favor.

I am sorry that you are going through this because it is such a challenge, but you are strong and you know are ready to handle it. God bless....

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

Please enter your Comment

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support