Caregiver for my grandmother (90).

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Hi, I just joined this page tonight as I need a group where I can get some tips and read about people's experiencea in caring for their parents and grandparents. My grandmother is moving into our home on Saturday as she is now bedridden after being in hospital for two weeks. My Mother has no interested in caring for her, my Uncle where is she was staying works all day and so does his wife. My gran is now wearing and diapers and is totally dependent on me to bathe her. That is why I decided to let her move in with my husband, my two sons and I, as I am home all day except when I have to do errands, pick up children from school and drive them up and down to various activities. Do any of you have any advice for me? I know that I am offering up alot by caring for her (I am 38 years old, one teenager son and a 9 year old) but I owe her as much because she did alot foe me and my grandmother means the world to me. Greetings from South Africa

7 Comments

Why isnt she going to rehab?
Baba raises a valid point, what is the reason she is now bed ridden, and what is her prognosis? If some form of physical therapy could help her be mobile again it would be so much better for you both! Even if not, learning techniques to strengthen her and help you both learn how to safely transfer is a must!

This site is a wonderful resource, you can search for threads that seem relevant to you or you can post specific questions for advice. Welcome!
I'm sorry for being broef, i was at a red light.

Ahe should go to rehab to see if she can regain some mobility, if only in a wheelchair
It is not safe to leave a bedridden patient at home alone. You won't be able to run errands, or pick up the children after school. Or go grocery shopping. Please think this through.
Hi everyone, in South Africa we don't have the same facilities as some of you overseas, here you can't trust anyone, so much abuse in frail care centres. She was fine a month ago and she got Bronchitis and landed up in ICU, she had to go onto dialysis as well as she only has one kidney, everything went downhill from there. I did contact some frail care centres but they are full and kilometres away. So the best is thay she moves in with us as I am a housewife and I am home the whole day
Channi, will you be able to get her physical therapy to see if she can regain some mobility?
If you are going to do this and stay sane, you are going to HAVE to have two things.
1) Help. Perhaps one of your children can stay with Granny while you run short errands. Maybe your husband will keep her safe and entertained while you do longer errands. But who can be with her while you are taking the kids to and from school? Perhaps you will have to hire someone so she is not left alone.

Maybe you could hire someone to do the laundry and clean the house, freeing up more of your time to spend with Granny AND the rest of your family.

Most of us figure out pretty quickly that we can't do everything our selves. Plan right from the beginning that you are going to need help. You may need to wait and see what kind of help will be most useful, but count on needing some!

2) Respite. You are absolutely going to need some time to yourself and also time to go to your children's activities, sports, etc. You and your husband need time alone together. You CANNOT be responsible for a bedridden adult 24/7/365 and remain sane. Start right now looking for how you will manage this. Would your parents be willing to help out for limited times, perhaps a weekend now and then or a week once a year? If you have no family to pitch in, start looking for respite services.

Please don't wait until you are in full burn-out mode before you seek help and respite. That is part of making this arrangement work.

It is wonderful that you love your grandmother and are willing to try this.
Jeanne, thanks so much for the advice, it means the world to me. I have taken your advice to heart xx

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