I seem to be having constant feelings ranging from absolute rage to suicide.

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It has been over one year now since my Mother's in home accident, and almost that long since I gave up my career and home to take care of her. I am now realizing that all of my life I have tended to be the one in the family who had to let go of my own dreams to handle this, help with that, be responsible for what not. In previous years, I thought of my ability to take on more and more showed that I was strong. I am now seeing that all I was doing was digging the hole deeper and deeper. The only time I have asked for help from my only sibling was met with such harsh hateful criticism that I dare not go there again, which is most likely the intended outcome he desired.

I have gone from believing I grew up in a loving supportive family to realizing I am surrounded by a bunch of selfish, greedy, incompassionate jerks that I foresee if I live through this, not only will I lose my Mother but I will be totally disassociating from my family. I literally hate them...all of them....and worse than that, I hate myself for being so absolutely stupid.

People are filing liens against me right and left, so by the time I am able to sell my home, I will, most likely have little, if any equity left. Mother does little more than sleep all day and when she is awake, she rarely talks to me anymore. I have not been away from this house overnight in over six months. Bitter, angry, fed up and brought it all on myself....what did I think I was trying to prove....


Does your Mother have any financial resources to help the situation? If not, can she qualify for aid to go to a NH? You need a break, and you need to reclaim your life.
Just know that you aren't alone. Sibs suck.
Hope 22 - My heart goes out to you and what you are going through. You have sacrificed a lot trying to do the right thing. You have been a devoted daughter and deserve a lot of credit for that. As above post mentions, does your mother qualify for medicaid? A nursing home may have to be considered at this time. I can identify with always being the one called upon to "fix" everything while siblings go on with their lives.

You obviously are depressed and it is quite understandable. When I was going through caregiving and all that is involved; it was Elder Services in the town that gave me the support and guidance I needed. They urged me to seek counseling and I did through the Elder Services program. I didn't want to go as my plate was full and I always kept so much inside. My family urged me to go as well as I was "over the top" with stress. My mother recently passed away, but she was living in a nursing home and it was a lovely facility and after a period of adjustment, like any life change, she was content.

You seem to be at the end of your rope; I hope you can find some assistance. Meanwhile - hugs to you and all that you have done for your parents is so commendable - now take care of you. Blessings and take care.
Save your relationship with your Mother and get some assistance right away. Check with your local resources and get the ball rolling to get her into Assisted Living or a Nursing Home. We had to make the tough decision to put our Mom into a NH on Jun 1st of this year. It most likely saved our Dad's life and our sanity and homelives too. Mom is still struggling to adjust but it was the same way while she was at home with Dad ... the home she has been looking for and wanting to go 'home' to is one from many years past. It takes so much pressure off knowing she is getting the care she needs and deserves, while for the first time in over 7 years, our Dad can sleep all night. We go visit her every day ... but we get to be her kids now, instead of caregivers. It does make a big difference. We are still trying to adjust ... it's hard when she begs to come home with us. Most days I cry on the drive home ... but I KNOW she is where she needs to be ... for her and all of us too. Please take care and keep us posted.
You're an apple on the same tree as me, spent the last 18 months taking care of Mother. She's pretty much just staying in bed ever since she broke her leg, ringing her little bell whenever she needs something, it so often gets incessant. Even for some years before I would go spend all day every day with her, doing all the little fiddly things considered so essential, and so repetitive... One day I didn't go over, and yes that was the time she'd fallen down and lay there helpless for 36 hours, one reason she lives with me now. Any time more than 2 hours for me to be out leaves her frightened/panicked/upset, so getting a real job isn't very workable.
So sorry about your family, that everything's just fobbed off to you. Do they have other problems, illnesses, unemployment, addictions; too often bad things tend to come at once. My own brother looks after my father (my parents are divorced), and his own family, so I don't bother him too much, but it gets to be a drag and a drain after so many days...
Why is it so hard to do the right thing?
What concerns me is thoughts of suicide. We all go through a range of emotions. I often go from really angry to irritated to very sad. But suicide thoughts are very serious. Your mom would not want that. Y ou need to put yourself first. Find a counselor and investigate what your care options are. I often find that even small steps to address a problem immediately makes me feel better. It gives me a sense of control.
I appreciate all of your thoughts and comments so much. I think it helps to know I am not alone . Today has been a little better and I love Mother so much that I am trying to remember why I am doing this. I think maybe so much of my anger is coming perhaps not so much from taking care of Mother as much as the fact I have always been the one who has had to handle everything...while my brother always got to follow his dreams. I am seeing as well that to some extent I put myself in this ultimate situation. For me, I was raised to believe as children, we are supposed to care for our parents as they age, and ultimately through their final journey home. My parents have both been amazing, caring people, have asked little of anyone but always did for everyone else. As a child I admired them, but I think I wondered why they did so much for other people when it seemed to be so unappreciated. Maybe this is, in my small way, a way of letting them know I do thank them. But it is still so hard. It feels like everyone I ever knew has disappeared and largely, they have...at least for now...maybe not forever...but it's a pretty lonely road right now. And I am so shocked at my Mother's family...she has been there for all of them all of their lives..She was one of the eldest siblings and put her brothers and sisters through school, bought her own parents most of their home furnishings, bailed out siblings when they fell on hard luck..and now..when all she wants is just to see them, none of them are anywhere to be found. It makes me literally despise them...but seems to make me feel even more protective of me. Maybe going through menopause as well right now is adding to my confusion and crazed thought processes....I think what it all comes down to for me is...I can do the cooking, cleaning, holding it together for the most part...but, just once in a while, if someone would just call and say..."How are YOU today..." the smallest things mean so much...I wish people just understood that....thanks guys....I appreciate all of you...
Meant to say feel more protective of her.... :)
oh my new friend, do i know what u mean- sibs do suck!
its amazing , u think u knew who they were, but they are acting like ........
well, selfish,narcisistic ,ugly,smelly-etc etc etc
i tell u my tale another time-
but reading your post i had to send u some special hugs,love and good energy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and my stella, who is smiling in the pix next to my name- sends u love and hugs too..
it seems like nothing is worth it anymore- but it is,i get mad because i cannot fix everything for mom- but i cant,never will, so do what u do- and that is so wonderful- but dont forget to give yourself a little hug once in a while and remember to breath!!! i forget sometimes-
sending hugs and love

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