I seem to be having constant feelings ranging from absolute rage to suicide.
It has been over one year now since my Mother's in home accident, and almost that long since I gave up my career and home to take care of her. I am now realizing that all of my life I have tended to be the one in the family who had to let go of my own dreams to handle this, help with that, be responsible for what not. In previous years, I thought of my ability to take on more and more showed that I was strong. I am now seeing that all I was doing was digging the hole deeper and deeper. The only time I have asked for help from my only sibling was met with such harsh hateful criticism that I dare not go there again, which is most likely the intended outcome he desired.
I have gone from believing I grew up in a loving supportive family to realizing I am surrounded by a bunch of selfish, greedy, incompassionate jerks that I foresee if I live through this, not only will I lose my Mother but I will be totally disassociating from my family. I literally hate them...all of them....and worse than that, I hate myself for being so absolutely stupid.
People are filing liens against me right and left, so by the time I am able to sell my home, I will, most likely have little, if any equity left. Mother does little more than sleep all day and when she is awake, she rarely talks to me anymore. I have not been away from this house overnight in over six months. Bitter, angry, fed up and brought it all on myself....what did I think I was trying to prove....