Caregiver and dysfunctional families

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For the up teenth time my 80 something mum has told me she wants nothing to do with me or any family. Truth b told most family do not see her to often because of the way she is. She had five children (1 now deceased). I am the only one who comes around to help. I have a 40 hour a week job, help watch my grandson a few hours on the weekends, keep up my home & try hard to see my mum once a week and do for her what she needs. She lives a good distance from me and will not move closer because she likes it where she is. Suffice to say my childhood along with my siblings was very dysfunctional. I have been trying so hard but she is usually depressed due to ailments which cause her pain and I cannot help her with this. I feel like all she wants from me is to be there, sit in her presence and listen to her complain. She puts me down to other people and has tried to drive a wedge between my sister and I. This wares me down and I cannot take it anymore and have told my sister in FL I am going to stop coming around. She supports me. I cannot continue to revel in her misery. All I would like is a mother to act like a mother. After all of these years grovelling in self pity I'm now certain she never did nor had any real parenting skills. I feel so guilty I actually wish she would go to sleep and not wake up and I could move on.

2 Comments

If your mother has said repeatedly that she wants nothing to do with you or the family and you don't want to be there, I would take advantage of her offer. She has given you a Get Out of Jail Free card. I'm sure she'll call you if she ever needs you. You can keep a lookout on her from a distance -- maybe getting one of her neighbors to call you if they see anything is wrong.
check out the thread caregiver and dysfunctional families how are you doing today. You are definitely not alone, many, many similar, hellacious stories out there.

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