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WWell guys so we made it home they stopped the treatment .so her family wanted us there so her we are on her parents 10, acres with horses and all I'm so thankful she has a.great.family they can help provide I think they were shocked when she put ice.cubes on her biscuit at dinner time thinking it.was.butter but i couldn't.think of.a.better place to be ...

I write more later lauras up. And on the move leg the.fun began because no matter our enviroment it doesn't change the care process ....good luck and god bless
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As those before me have said, "You've found the right site." You have found a family of people who are experiencing some of the same things you are experiencing - emotions, fatigue, frustration, a feeling of betrayal by others, etc. I found this site only a few months ago and it has been my salvation. Come to it daily and you will find the strength to go on from people who will encourage you. You can cry and vent all you want and we get it!! If you keep up with this group you will find all the answers to your questions and come to a place of peace (at least that has been my experience.)
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Good advice Littletonway
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You have definately come to the right site!!! You have not said one thing that I have not thought about and am struggling as I write this... EXACTLY RIGHT!!!
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It's not right, is it? I've so often said to my mother that she needs to move in to our care, but now I'm very glad she's knocked us back each time. It wouldn't work! It doesn't work now and that's not even living with us, so NO I'm feeling your frustrations...each of you....Bless!
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Although the time you have given for caretaking seemes an eternity - their passing doesn't end it...no matter how much you give - guilt takes over for what you didn't give...lost mother in June...in nursing home ...each stage is the most difficult - at least for me
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I just told my husband last week that my life is over...no more Friday night dinners, spur of the moment movie dates...weekend outings with friends...my mother is here at our home now and I am caring for an adult 3 year old...I feel your pain and I know exactly what you are going through...one day at a time is what I keep telling myself...one day at a time....
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I am SO sorry for you and totally understand your post...so awesomely true!!
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Beezer, you are so on target with the being labeled a saint and being praised for what I only feel is the right thing to do. I don't do what I do for my mom so others will pat me on the back or feel sorry for me. I don't understand why they say the things they do other than they just don't know what else to say and I honestly believe it comes from those that couldn't do it if they were paid a celebrity's wage . Your siblings likely are those individuals. I had a neighbor that loved/lived to say “I feel sorry for you...” Was that malice? Sure felt like it.
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Welcome, everyone is correct...just come here and let it all out. I have no real adivce other than I truly believe we are not required to to give up our life, health, marriage and/or happiness for anyone. Please check your local area for services that may be available to assist you in taking care of your loved one. God bless!
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I only just joined this site a couple days ago and I'm learning, through you as much as through the veteran posters here, that this site is indeed it. Oh, and thanks for saying everything that has so many times run through my head. Now I don't need to vent LOL! I'm sure I'm going to get some flak for saying this next, but there have been times (recently in fact) that my mom has called me a whore and told me I was selfish (things she's called me for as long as I've been old enough to understand angry insults). Said that I didn't care about anyone but myself. I then asked her, "Would you prefer living in a nursing home?" Most of the time that ends the tirade, even with her dementia she gets where I'm going with that one.
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Wow! Your post just made me join. I feel the same way. I am tired of being called a saint and praised for what I do. Sometimes I think it comes from my siblings to encourage me to continue because God Knows they will not lift a finger to help or pay a dime to find an alternative.
Ugh. I love my dad and truly feel awful that he is ill and losing so much. But I have lost my home, retirement, career, social life & now my health is suffering. And I am broke.
The past few days he has started pushing & hitting me. He has a broken neck, among other problems and he could easily fall doing this and die.
I am at wits end.
I am truly wishing the best for you, Harleigh. It helps to write it out and know that someone else out there at least understands.
Thanks
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Harleigh: Just look at Dtflex's picture. Does it remind you of your life? It is the one thing that instantly makes me laugh on this sight. Again, you've come to the right place. Diane's (Dtflex) story is more than you could imagine. You are home. Cattails
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Cat, you and I must have posted at the same time. Harleigh, Cattails is one of the many wise people on this site!
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Harleigh, welcome to Aging Care. Like Bookworm said, you have found the place. Bookworm mentioned "The caregiver...How are you?" thread which is a spin-off of the "Grossed Out" thread. Both threads are made up of terrific people that truly understand all the crap (figuratively and literally) that a caregiver faces everyday. We look forward to hearing more from you.
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Yes, you have found the right place. Being a caregiver is a very difficult job. It's so confining and exhausting. If you have a crabby, difficult person to care for, it's that much worse and if you have family members who leave you holding the bag, it's that much worse again.

How old are you and how long have you been taking care of your GM? Are you living with her and planning to move out. Not sure if I understood your post about moving in a month.

Give us some more details and we will certainly respond. You might learn of some help you didn't know was available or you just might realize that your not alone.

Stay with us. Hugs, Cattails
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While I was reading your question, I kept saying in my head - this site! What I really like about it is that you can be anonymous. I live in such a small island, just to even mention the name of it - family will know it's me. So, I keep all pertinent personal information private. I can now vent and vent and hopefully it won't come back to hit me in the behind.

If you just want to Vent like you just did (and I did lastnight), there is a discussion thread about "Venting." You can read all other caregiver's vents that you have just mentioned! Over and Over. If you just want to comment on how you're doing today (sad, depress, lonely, etc..) there is a thread on "The Caregiver...How are YOU?" Please, feel free to jump around and click on the different discussions. I do this all time. Most don't apply to me but I still love to read the "solutions" to the problems.

If you have siblings, you will see the difference between venting with family vs. venting with fellow caregivers! Welcome! (FYI, I just found this site in June of this year. I was at the end of my rope and I learned a LOT.)
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Thanks Jeanne...every once in a while it gets hard and it hits you...you say to yourself 'this is really not my life' when it really is...you don't wish the person you're caring for to die deep down but you are so tired and not sleeping and not eating and worried you can't help it
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You found the right site! We get it here! Vent away, dear harleighkwin.

You may get a response that tells you you are a saint, and you may get a response or two that calls you selfish (often on religious grounds), but mostly you are among people who know what it is like to be at the end of your patience and endurance. Scream here. It's as safe a place as you are going to find.
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