Opinion of 63 yr old caregiver who started a dating relationship with an 84 yr old man (my dad) just three months after he was a widowed.

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oh be very careful! my parents had a horrible woman who isolated dad from his family and my mom was in the back of the house...the woman called my dad "baby boy" and would kiss him goodnight! she got him to get 2 caregivers and was not paying them the proper amount, pocketing the extra for herself. when i confronted her, she told me i was just after his money and she was worth the $360,000 per year my parents were paying her! she also redecorated their house without my mom's approval or input...and much more...i truly believe she was getting ready to take over as my dad's new wife after she got rid of my mom! thank god my sister fired her before it was too late! get your dad away from her, no matter how you have to do it. tell him it's fine if he likes her, but will need a different "caretaker." there's a big conflict of interest and she's going to fleece him for everything he's worth. watch out!
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I'd make sure first that he added one of his kid's name to his bank account. You can tell him it's in case something happened to him, or whatever, but I would never give her total access to his money. It's too bad isn't it? Your dad is lonely and she's taking advantage of that. That stinks.
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Does the background check show how many times she's been married? She could be running through old mates one after another. There are gals who have this sort of fraud down to an artform.
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Saddened,
Did your father have a will when he passed and who was named Executor of that will. If so, there may indeed be a legal way to reclaim "possession" of some of his estate. You will need to consult a lawyer (preferably one familiar with Elder Law practices) and file a claim in a reasonable time or the current arrangement will stand.
You state that "there has to be some legal way to STOP" this. There are many laws that cover situations like this but YOU have to file a claim to use these laws. Otherwise, the State assumes you are satisfied with the results.
And if your father died without having a Will, then you have a better chance of recovering the estate because the State applies certain rules to tax and dispense the estate to relatives of the deceased. This can put you on equal footing with your father's wife in the way the estate is dispensed. BUT YOU HAVE TO MAKE A LEGAL CLAIM This is best done through a knowledgeable attorney. BTW-Could your father have had a Prenuptial Agreement before he married? This can have the same protection as a Will in some States and is designed to prevent situations like you experienced. It basically says that marriage notwithstanding, my entire estate is transferred to (a named beneficiary) upon my death. If any woman had motives other than true love she would refuse to sign such an agreement and would be exposed for the fraudulent person she is.
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I am living a very similiar nightmare. My father who was in his 80's married my mother's caretaker. They were engaged 1 month after her passing. He was in his 80's, she in her 40's. She was able to brainwash him and use his fear of being alone (which would not have been the case at all) against him and manipulated him. She was able to alienate him from his family and friends with all her lies. My father has now passed and she took possession of everything as his "wife" which just makes me ill to even type that. There has to be some legal way to STOP predators like them. There is nothing moral or ethical about them. What they are doing is plain WRONG and criminal. Follow you gut instincts on this.
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Exactly..I feel beginning such a relationship with your client/patient is very unethical. Anyone compromising a job that they supposedly love seems to raise another "red flag".
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I guess the problem is that not everyone has the same standards when it comes to ethics. I do hope the fellow has found his soulmate, but sadly he probably doesn't care too much if he is having fun. Not unless he finds himself in a bad way for having been too trusting.

Sounds alot like the beginning of King Lear!
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In Canada, this would be highly unethical. If she belongs to an association there will be standards about not having such a relationship. The agency that employs such a person ought to be told. You need to speak to somebody about this.

If she dispensed his meds she would have to be a nurse in Canada. I would make a formal complaint to the governing body for nurses.

I know that such people are at risk for violating ethical practices, if not immoral ones.

Again, document everything.
Speak to any agencies involved.

All professionals in Canada (doctor, nurse, psychiatrist, etc.) have ethics standards that preclude personal involvement for 3 years, in some cases.
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Ez care..thank you for all of your bits of wisdom. You are correct that I am approaching this as both my "fathers", and "mothers" daughter. Having said that, I'm more my mothers daughter at this point in time..certainly I do want Dad to be healthy, and happy..which he's looking the b est he has since mom passed away a year ago. Yes, I do have some resentment over the relationship which started with this caregiver of dads within three months of moms passing. Dad was playing poker with the guys while I stayed by her side during her last few days at the hospital..he couldn't "take it any longer" I joined a grief share group after I was widowed myself a few years back..so I do understand the lonliness after loosing a spouse..and men in general hop in to a relationship sooner than women. The red flags to me were..her being one of dads caregivers (somewhat familiar with his medical, and financial standing), she is an active women 21 years younger, and doesn't own property/home with numerous collection agencies after her these last ten years. I don't feel I resent the fact that dad is dating...it's just the womens backgrou nd. thanks again for the thoughts..I am getting a better grip on how I want to handle the situation, and do feel at this point in time I need to tell dad I know he has a girlfriend, I and his grandchildren are hurt that he would tell us so many lies. I don't want to alienate either of them at this point in time, and would like to meet the lady friend????? lovingdaughter..not sure there is anything an attorney could pursue at this point in time..dad doesn't have alzheimers, or dementia.
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You need to make a formal com plaint and get a lawyer involved before it is too late. If she is licensed, the licensing body needs to be maed aware of her actions. I would do this before it is too late.
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