Opinion of 63 yr old caregiver who started a dating relationship with an 84 yr old man (my dad) just three months after he was a widowed.

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Wow! And, what's she want?
was she his caregiver?
Yes, one of the caregivers who dispensed his meds..so I would assume knows his medical history. which is quite extensive. Recently she and dad went on a cruise together..dad payed. Background check showed several collection agencies have been after her, and it doesn't appear she owns a home/or property. Dad doesn't realize that I now know he's been lying (said he went with male friend to Hawaii)..and many more lies. Going to talk with him soon..how to approach both him, and girlfriend? Know it has to be with kid gloves in order not to alienate him.
I think you need to let him know that you know he's lying. If he really likes this woman, you have to walk on eggshells when telling him about the background check. But if she really does make him happy, then perhaps it is best to just let it go? You don't want start a fight with your father.
if he is a healthy man and has a right mind ofhis own . not alz or dementia then there is nothing you can do ..
but if he does then one of u sibling needs to do something about it . she sounds like a fraud , maybe she is wanted by the law ???
it is so sick for a younger age woman to be involed with a very old man . he s takin care of her more than shes takin care of him ....
I think you have already done the right thing by keeping a close eye on the situation. However, like lhardbeck says, if your dad is of sound mind and able to fend for himself, there is not much more you can do. I would NOT confront your dad right away unless you sense he is in danger, then let the law handle it. Otherwise you will lose the advantage of knowing exactly what is going on and be able to watch from a distance. You will be ready to intervene whenever necessary. And be social to the woman so you don't push her underground. Let her tell you all the "grand plans" she has in mind for your father. As President Ronald Reagan said about dealing with the Societ Union "Trust--But Verify" Good luck!
Ezcare is right. If your dad is feeling his oats and taking her on trips, he will defend his lady love even if it is his own daughter trying to look out for his interests.

Is not easy, the odds are not good that she is with him only for himself. But just like a teenager, try telling him that. Keep a kind eye on things, don't let her know your disapproval and keep really good records. Especially of the fact that she was hired as a caregiver. There is a thing called undue influence, but you want to prevent her having DPA for health directive and being his only voice if he becomes ill. good luck indeed.
It sounds unethical to me. I would let her know that you are on to her. Watch his bank accounts and the valuables in the house. We had a live-in steal from mom after dad died. She was also stealing food when she thought no one was looking. Good luck.
Where did this lady come from? Was she from an agency or someone who was privately hired? If it's a reputable agency, they will certainly want to know what's going on. Not that it will help you with your dad's situation, but maybe it will help someone else down the road.
This lady works for a large retirement home where dad lives..you can live there unassisted or assisted..very nice place. Last year when I reported it I was told"she is a very nice women, we spoke with her about not fraternizing with the clients..and will not have her dispensing meds to your father anymore. " I was told also "all empolyees during training are told not to develope boyfriend/girlfriend relastionships"..still she continues. So she has been told at leat twice! I believe she worked at another facility before coming to this one..not sure why she left other one. One concern is they will elope. Thanks for all you input..I'm taking it all in, and will most likely use bits and pieces in handling the situation. I do feel dad is a prime canidate for her wanting to marry!

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