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I worked at 12-hour shift yesterday and on my way home last night it occurred to me to go see my dad but I was scheduled to work another 12 today and needed to get home to get some rest. After Sunday's 12-hour shift I planned to go and sit with my dad.

When I got into bed, around 10:30 p.m. last night, I called the nursing home as usual to check on him and my favorite nurse picked up the phone. He said he was just getting ready to call me. I asked, "How is he tonight?" and the nurse said, "I'm so sorry. He passed away about 30 minutes ago."

I spoke with hospice and the crematorium and got a few things worked out. Made a couple of calls.

But I can't feel it. There's a pain in my heart but it's far away and when it starts to come to the surface I somehow push it back down.

My dad was the finest man I've ever known. He was kind and gentle, loving, sweet, funny, intelligent....Anyone who's ever met him loved him. My mom once told me that it sometimes bugged her that dad was so well loved because if she went somewhere without him people were always asking her where he was. He made friends wherever he went. The grocery store, the pharmacy, the library, his various Dr.'s offices. I cared for him for 5 years and I would take him to his Dr.'s appointments and he'd charm anyone we came in contact with and I would often be asked, "Is this your dad?" and I'd tip them a wink and say,"No, he's my husband" then whisper, "he has a lot of money." My dad loved that. It was like our little schtick.

He was a veteran of the Korean War, he was a military policeman, he worked for McDonnell Douglas, retiring in 1990 and went on to be a college professor in his retirement.

When my mom died 6 years ago she and my dad had been married 40 years. My dad was the ultimate family man and everything he did was for his family. He enjoyed thinking of himself as a cross between Bill Cosby and Clark Griswold. The night of my first date he teased me relentlessly and when my mom finally made him stop he did. He disappeared for a few minutes and when he returned he was wearing his boxer shorts, no shirt, a tie and a jacket and he proclaimed that he was ready to meet my date.

When the numbness wears off this is really going to hurt.

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Oh, Eyerish, I've read your comments on the different threads. My condolences to you. I love your little stories of your father in the above comments. I even chuckled on when he came out with his boxer shorts, no shirt , a tie and jacket and was ready to meet your date. Were you embarrassed when he did this? Or did he break the tension and made you laugh? I'm so sorry...please..you have a great gift of telling stories that's enjoyable. I'd love to hear more of your father's antics. {{{HUGS}}} sincerely,Book
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I'm so sorry for your loss. You did love your dad, that's a wonderful thing. We don't get off free on this one: some people had a good relationship with a parent and then suffer loss; other people had a terrible relationship with a parent and suffered that loss daily over the years.
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What a tribute to a wonderful man. A big spirit is on the other side now. I am sorry that he is gone, eyerishlass. I think I would have enjoyed meeting him. You were so lucky to have him in your life. {{{{eyerishlass}}}}
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Eyerish, May God Bless his soul. What a legacy. It has been an honor to read about your Dad. Your love and admiration for him has been inspiring and humbling. Thank you for sharing with us. Sending you love and sympathy, xo
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Eyerish, I'm so sorry about your dad. After being on this website for long enough, I can tell you honestly that those of us with fine decent parents are the exception, not the rule. I'm glad you fell into the exception category, of that you can be thankful. Please don't let the fact that you HAD to work that day cause you any kind of stress and guilt. I don't know whether you were headed that way in your post, but I wanted to head you off if you were. Life goes on, people do what they have to do to survive and stuff happens. Rejoice in the fact that you had your dad for as long as you had him and that you had a wonderful relationship with him during that time. And when it finally hits you, go ahead and wail with the grief that is just under the surface. I am so thankful for the ability to cry. Sorry again.♥
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So sorry to hear of your loss....Your words portray a wonderful man and father. rejoice in that!! My heart goes out to you!!
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What a wonderful tribute to a wonderful man. You are fortunate to have been raised by someone who was so accomplished in life but also had a great sense of humor. When the numbness wears off, try to remember the good times and celebrate a life well-lived. Give thanks for everything your father did for you. Be kind to yourself.
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I am so sorry for your loss, I can understand why you are numb. I hope you mind lets the pain come to you slowly so that you can deal with it while you remember all of the good things you mentioned in your tribute. My heart goes out to you and I beg you to try to temper the overwhelming grief that you will feel with the good memories you have of your father. Death is a letting go, but is also is a celebration of the life. I know these are just words, but I am praying for you and that your grief will be short lived and the good memories will out weigh the sorrow of not having him there any longer. Take care of yourself and be well.
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I, too, am VERY sorry for the loss of your father.From your stories, I certainly can tell your father loved you so very much and that you loved him just as much.

I've started a journal about my mom to remember years from now about the wonderful times we have together and the funny things that she says and does.

The stories you recall about your father are a great contiribution to his ongoing legacy. Those are things that can NEVER be taken from you. Again, my most heartfelt condolences to you. Blessings!
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Condolences Sweet Eyerish.
Welcome to the club that we all hate to become members of.
Ow Ow.
lovbob
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Eyerishlass, I'm sorry about your loss. Allow yourself some time to grieve and sort through your emotions at your own pace. It sounds like you have a lot of good memories and that your dad was happy right until the end. I think that will be a source of comfort, hopefully in the near future.
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So sorry for your loss. My Dad was a fine man too. I miss him every day. We lost him December 15, 2011. Shortly thereafter, my Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. I was trying to find something for my Mom in the garage, and found all my Dad's car products (he took great care of his cars). There is always a reminder of him here every day. And I take comfort in that. I hope you are able to take those "moments" and they make you smile. I try to do that.
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Eyerishlass~I am so sorry for your loss. He will always be with you and watching over you. What a lovely tribute you have written. Blessings to you!
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My heartfelt condolences to you and your family Eyerishlass. The strength, love and tenderness you have shown for your dad has been inspirational. I wish you peace, and comfort in the knowledge that you are never alone.
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Hugs to you, dear. How wonderful that you had a warm, nurturing upbringing and a long, mutually caring relationship with your father. As you mourn his loss I am sure you will also celebrate his life. I am sorry for the very hard time you are facing now, and so glad you've had a wonderful family.
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Just thinking about all the kind and thoughtful postings for you from the great cyber friends here.
Your Mom and Dad are celebrating Mother's Day together and thinking how happy they are with you, their child. Well Done.
Bless your heart.
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Sending hugs and prayers your way. I am so sorry for your loss. Your father sounded like a wonderful man, and your memories of him are a wonderful tribute. Sometimes, it is better to remember the life than the passing, and if you were with when he passed, it would be more difficult to remember the life well lived. He knows you loved him.
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Condolences Eyerishlass... Yeah you said it right. When all that busy-ness of tending to the things that must be done... when that wears off... u know what I mean. Please cry as u please. Let the tears flow. I've had mine last month. April 19, 2013 to be precise. And after my mom was cremated April 24th... and the friends and family all gone, I need to clean and clear things up. The house was suddenly big and quiet for me and my daughter. U know the sadness and loss and all that feelings... I'm sending my warmest hugs and kisses. I wish we can both cry on each other's shoulders! But please rest assured your dad is in the best place now. Oh year everybody says this... I'm not the first, I won't be the last. Just cry as u please. It's normal. We're still both grieving. Many fellow caregivers and daughters understand you here. We all shared the same boat for so many years. Please go on grieve it makes u feel better. Let's have wine virtually and relax a bit OK.... My prayers and condolences to you and your family. Please take care of yourself! And share something here on this website. Even if you and me "graduated" already. -- Marissa from the Philippines
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I am so sorry. Losing a parent is hard no matter what the circumstances.
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My condolences to you. Know that you cared for him in a loving manner and I am sure he was grateful! God Bless you...
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When my father died, I was mostly relieved that his suffering was over. You have been mourning your father for a long time already. The's a chance your pain won't be as bad as you expect, and maybe that will mean that he is already safe in your heart.
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Oh, eyerishlass, I am so sorry. My deepeest condolences to you and your brother. You wrote a wonderful tribute to him here. Your love for him is very evident and always has been. He was a truly lucky man to have such a fine daughter.

((((((( hugs))))))))

God bless you and yours.
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Dear Eyerishlass,
I am sorry for the loss of your father and I appreciate the stories you shared about him. It will take time to adjust to his absence and as you share your stories it may help to keep his essence nearby.
You mentioned that the pain is "far away and you cant feel it". This is the kindness of nature. It is often referred to as the first stage of grief, (shock, numbness, disbelief). It allows us to get things done like calling the mortuary, informing others and taking care of related business. Your feelings will trickle to the surface as the shock subsides.
The support from others, your wonderful memories and understanding the grieving process can help you through the sadness as it unfolds. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
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Be comforted by your wonderful memories and the knowledge that you brought every ounce of intelligence and compassion to his care. Hugs and prayers. BARBARA
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So sorry lass. I agree with Jinx. You have been mourning a long time already. He knows how much you loved him. Sleep in heavenly peace.
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I'm so sorry Eyerishlass, he sounds like he was a wonderful father and that is a deep blessing for you even as he's in spirit now. You will feel your grief as you are ready too, please be gentle with yourself. HUGS
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Just saw your post Eyerishlass. Has the numbness worn off? Have a good cry, a good laugh at more of your father's antics, and keep sharing them with us. It can be part of your grieving and reminiscing process that also touches us on this site. Your stories helped me remember similar jokes and stunts my father used to do. I needed that because sometimes I forget them in the tasks of caregiving. Blessings and hugs to you.
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Eye rish,
From what I've read on your previous posts, you have a pretty cool brother, and your family seems supportive of each other. Thank your parents for the fine individuals you are. The type of person that you, and your brother is a reflection of your parents legacy.
I lost dad suddenly 7 years ago. I was lost, devastated, angry, alone, afraid, and saddened beyond words. My dad too, was charming as hell, funny, handsome, smart, adventurous, fair, and loving. He was my hero, and I will never have another man like him in life. Believe me, I've tried and looked high and low. He doesn't exist. I'm happy that you have such a fond, and loving feeling for your dad. But, I'm sorry for your loss more. Dads are irreplaceable. Know that he loved you so much, and he left you with such a wealth of love and good memories. May heart goes out to you.💜💜
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your dad sounds a lot like mine-- he passed Apr2 after I had cared for him for almost 3 years(my mom passed in 1993) . The first two weeks I was so busy taking care of things and making plans I didn't cry at all(I had cried non stop the last week or so up til his death while he was in home hospice). Well I guess my reaction was delayed or caught up with me-- starting about 2 weeks ago all I can do is cry-- Feelings of sadness, guilt(whether deserved or not) and regrets. I'm in a very hollow place right now--so , yes, it may creep up on you later.. It did for me.
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((((((((((hugs))))))))))

Eyerish, I am so sorry for your loss. Your dad sounds wonderful and I enjoyed a similar relationship with my dad although it was years and years ago...he's been gone 21 years now and I still have moments of missing him so bad it is like he just crossed over yesterday. He passed about the same time of the day, too.

If you think you'd like to share more stories about your dad, count my vote as one eager to hear them. If it helps you heal, especially. But it is just nice to hear about the good side of care-giving sometimes when we have so much venting to do about the not-so-good side. And for me, personally, it makes me think of my own dad which is always a nice thing.
Be sure and eat well and sleep enough and take care of yourself through the coming days. Give in when those tears come, too. They hurt but they somehow feel good like healing, too.
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