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I worked at 12-hour shift yesterday and on my way home last night it occurred to me to go see my dad but I was scheduled to work another 12 today and needed to get home to get some rest. After Sunday's 12-hour shift I planned to go and sit with my dad.

When I got into bed, around 10:30 p.m. last night, I called the nursing home as usual to check on him and my favorite nurse picked up the phone. He said he was just getting ready to call me. I asked, "How is he tonight?" and the nurse said, "I'm so sorry. He passed away about 30 minutes ago."

I spoke with hospice and the crematorium and got a few things worked out. Made a couple of calls.

But I can't feel it. There's a pain in my heart but it's far away and when it starts to come to the surface I somehow push it back down.

My dad was the finest man I've ever known. He was kind and gentle, loving, sweet, funny, intelligent....Anyone who's ever met him loved him. My mom once told me that it sometimes bugged her that dad was so well loved because if she went somewhere without him people were always asking her where he was. He made friends wherever he went. The grocery store, the pharmacy, the library, his various Dr.'s offices. I cared for him for 5 years and I would take him to his Dr.'s appointments and he'd charm anyone we came in contact with and I would often be asked, "Is this your dad?" and I'd tip them a wink and say,"No, he's my husband" then whisper, "he has a lot of money." My dad loved that. It was like our little schtick.

He was a veteran of the Korean War, he was a military policeman, he worked for McDonnell Douglas, retiring in 1990 and went on to be a college professor in his retirement.

When my mom died 6 years ago she and my dad had been married 40 years. My dad was the ultimate family man and everything he did was for his family. He enjoyed thinking of himself as a cross between Bill Cosby and Clark Griswold. The night of my first date he teased me relentlessly and when my mom finally made him stop he did. He disappeared for a few minutes and when he returned he was wearing his boxer shorts, no shirt, a tie and a jacket and he proclaimed that he was ready to meet my date.

When the numbness wears off this is really going to hurt.

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Beautiful tribute for your Dad... Sending ((Huggs))
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You have my sincere sympathy Eyerishlass. I was truly touched by what you wrote about him.

As Margeaux said, the numbness can help up get through the beginning of the grieving process.

You were blessed with an amazing father. And he was blessed with an amazing daughter.

I pray that you'll be comforted as you deal with your grief and as you continue to honor his memory.
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Eyerishlass,

I am so sorry to hear about the passing of your dad. I read several of your posts on other threads, and it is obvious that you shared a very special bond with him.

I remember that numb feeling just after my dad died. Odd as it may seem, I think the numbness is there to help us get through the initial stage of the loss of a loved one. You are blessed to have had such a wonderful dad. The feelings that you are keeping at bay will come, when you are ready to feel them. Hugs to you, Eyerishlass! You are in my thoughts.


May your father's spirit soar very high!
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Dear Eyerishlass: I'm sorry to her of your Dad's passing... You have been blessed with many wonderful loving memories...Please continue to follow this site and keep inspiring us with your wisdom... Hugs...
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I'm so sorry for you loss. You will deal with this in your own time and in your own way. May God bless you and your family.
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I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing the beautiful story of your Dad. Sounds like he was a blessing to so many. What a legacy for you and your family to remember. We just lost our dad and for some reason I'm doing enough crying for the whole family while my sister remains stoic. We all have to grieve our own way and hold on on focus on the love we ha with our father. Blessings to you and you family.
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Dear Eyerish,
My deep condolences on the loss of your Dad. He sounds like a wonderful man and God bless him for his service to our country and for the love he bestowed on His family. My Dad was a Korean Vet as well!
My Dad passed on December 19 and I know the numbness...it is there to help you get through the days of dealing with the details. I remember thinking, how am I physically making it through each day, why am I not hysterical as I pick up his remains, why can't I stop shaking?
Take comfort in this time....he is at peace and with your Mom. Take time to take care of yourself. You are not alone there are many of us out here who can listen.
May The Lord bless you and keep you; may He make His face shine upon you...and my He be gracious unto you.
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((((((((((hugs))))))))))

Eyerish, I am so sorry for your loss. Your dad sounds wonderful and I enjoyed a similar relationship with my dad although it was years and years ago...he's been gone 21 years now and I still have moments of missing him so bad it is like he just crossed over yesterday. He passed about the same time of the day, too.

If you think you'd like to share more stories about your dad, count my vote as one eager to hear them. If it helps you heal, especially. But it is just nice to hear about the good side of care-giving sometimes when we have so much venting to do about the not-so-good side. And for me, personally, it makes me think of my own dad which is always a nice thing.
Be sure and eat well and sleep enough and take care of yourself through the coming days. Give in when those tears come, too. They hurt but they somehow feel good like healing, too.
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your dad sounds a lot like mine-- he passed Apr2 after I had cared for him for almost 3 years(my mom passed in 1993) . The first two weeks I was so busy taking care of things and making plans I didn't cry at all(I had cried non stop the last week or so up til his death while he was in home hospice). Well I guess my reaction was delayed or caught up with me-- starting about 2 weeks ago all I can do is cry-- Feelings of sadness, guilt(whether deserved or not) and regrets. I'm in a very hollow place right now--so , yes, it may creep up on you later.. It did for me.
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Eye rish,
From what I've read on your previous posts, you have a pretty cool brother, and your family seems supportive of each other. Thank your parents for the fine individuals you are. The type of person that you, and your brother is a reflection of your parents legacy.
I lost dad suddenly 7 years ago. I was lost, devastated, angry, alone, afraid, and saddened beyond words. My dad too, was charming as hell, funny, handsome, smart, adventurous, fair, and loving. He was my hero, and I will never have another man like him in life. Believe me, I've tried and looked high and low. He doesn't exist. I'm happy that you have such a fond, and loving feeling for your dad. But, I'm sorry for your loss more. Dads are irreplaceable. Know that he loved you so much, and he left you with such a wealth of love and good memories. May heart goes out to you.💜💜
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Just saw your post Eyerishlass. Has the numbness worn off? Have a good cry, a good laugh at more of your father's antics, and keep sharing them with us. It can be part of your grieving and reminiscing process that also touches us on this site. Your stories helped me remember similar jokes and stunts my father used to do. I needed that because sometimes I forget them in the tasks of caregiving. Blessings and hugs to you.
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I'm so sorry Eyerishlass, he sounds like he was a wonderful father and that is a deep blessing for you even as he's in spirit now. You will feel your grief as you are ready too, please be gentle with yourself. HUGS
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So sorry lass. I agree with Jinx. You have been mourning a long time already. He knows how much you loved him. Sleep in heavenly peace.
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Be comforted by your wonderful memories and the knowledge that you brought every ounce of intelligence and compassion to his care. Hugs and prayers. BARBARA
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Dear Eyerishlass,
I am sorry for the loss of your father and I appreciate the stories you shared about him. It will take time to adjust to his absence and as you share your stories it may help to keep his essence nearby.
You mentioned that the pain is "far away and you cant feel it". This is the kindness of nature. It is often referred to as the first stage of grief, (shock, numbness, disbelief). It allows us to get things done like calling the mortuary, informing others and taking care of related business. Your feelings will trickle to the surface as the shock subsides.
The support from others, your wonderful memories and understanding the grieving process can help you through the sadness as it unfolds. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
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Oh, eyerishlass, I am so sorry. My deepeest condolences to you and your brother. You wrote a wonderful tribute to him here. Your love for him is very evident and always has been. He was a truly lucky man to have such a fine daughter.

((((((( hugs))))))))

God bless you and yours.
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When my father died, I was mostly relieved that his suffering was over. You have been mourning your father for a long time already. The's a chance your pain won't be as bad as you expect, and maybe that will mean that he is already safe in your heart.
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My condolences to you. Know that you cared for him in a loving manner and I am sure he was grateful! God Bless you...
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I am so sorry. Losing a parent is hard no matter what the circumstances.
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Condolences Eyerishlass... Yeah you said it right. When all that busy-ness of tending to the things that must be done... when that wears off... u know what I mean. Please cry as u please. Let the tears flow. I've had mine last month. April 19, 2013 to be precise. And after my mom was cremated April 24th... and the friends and family all gone, I need to clean and clear things up. The house was suddenly big and quiet for me and my daughter. U know the sadness and loss and all that feelings... I'm sending my warmest hugs and kisses. I wish we can both cry on each other's shoulders! But please rest assured your dad is in the best place now. Oh year everybody says this... I'm not the first, I won't be the last. Just cry as u please. It's normal. We're still both grieving. Many fellow caregivers and daughters understand you here. We all shared the same boat for so many years. Please go on grieve it makes u feel better. Let's have wine virtually and relax a bit OK.... My prayers and condolences to you and your family. Please take care of yourself! And share something here on this website. Even if you and me "graduated" already. -- Marissa from the Philippines
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Sending hugs and prayers your way. I am so sorry for your loss. Your father sounded like a wonderful man, and your memories of him are a wonderful tribute. Sometimes, it is better to remember the life than the passing, and if you were with when he passed, it would be more difficult to remember the life well lived. He knows you loved him.
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Just thinking about all the kind and thoughtful postings for you from the great cyber friends here.
Your Mom and Dad are celebrating Mother's Day together and thinking how happy they are with you, their child. Well Done.
Bless your heart.
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Hugs to you, dear. How wonderful that you had a warm, nurturing upbringing and a long, mutually caring relationship with your father. As you mourn his loss I am sure you will also celebrate his life. I am sorry for the very hard time you are facing now, and so glad you've had a wonderful family.
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My heartfelt condolences to you and your family Eyerishlass. The strength, love and tenderness you have shown for your dad has been inspirational. I wish you peace, and comfort in the knowledge that you are never alone.
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Eyerishlass~I am so sorry for your loss. He will always be with you and watching over you. What a lovely tribute you have written. Blessings to you!
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So sorry for your loss. My Dad was a fine man too. I miss him every day. We lost him December 15, 2011. Shortly thereafter, my Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. I was trying to find something for my Mom in the garage, and found all my Dad's car products (he took great care of his cars). There is always a reminder of him here every day. And I take comfort in that. I hope you are able to take those "moments" and they make you smile. I try to do that.
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Eyerishlass, I'm sorry about your loss. Allow yourself some time to grieve and sort through your emotions at your own pace. It sounds like you have a lot of good memories and that your dad was happy right until the end. I think that will be a source of comfort, hopefully in the near future.
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Condolences Sweet Eyerish.
Welcome to the club that we all hate to become members of.
Ow Ow.
lovbob
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I, too, am VERY sorry for the loss of your father.From your stories, I certainly can tell your father loved you so very much and that you loved him just as much.

I've started a journal about my mom to remember years from now about the wonderful times we have together and the funny things that she says and does.

The stories you recall about your father are a great contiribution to his ongoing legacy. Those are things that can NEVER be taken from you. Again, my most heartfelt condolences to you. Blessings!
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I am so sorry for your loss, I can understand why you are numb. I hope you mind lets the pain come to you slowly so that you can deal with it while you remember all of the good things you mentioned in your tribute. My heart goes out to you and I beg you to try to temper the overwhelming grief that you will feel with the good memories you have of your father. Death is a letting go, but is also is a celebration of the life. I know these are just words, but I am praying for you and that your grief will be short lived and the good memories will out weigh the sorrow of not having him there any longer. Take care of yourself and be well.
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