I can't do it! If I move in with Mom I'll go crazy or crazier. I've been depressed because of the impending move.

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My Mom is COPD and can't do much. I was going to move in and help as she does need someone there as she can't walk more then 10-15 feet without sitting down just answering the phone she gets out of breathe. She is killing me she tells me I'm crazy that people don't like me in the short run just makes me feel like crap. When I try to talkto her and tell her that she has broken me down to the point that I'm not sure I'm alright, seh rolls her eyes and just blows me off. I've never felt this low in my life before, she knows just what buttons to pushand whenever she doesn't want to deal with things she PUSHES them and I mean Pushes them.. I'm as broken as a person can be. She heard I was uspset called to say Sorry, but when I tried to tell her that I can not take it anymore she starts Pushing buttons again, Then states that look at my behavior and turns it all around.. UGHH!!!!!!


Good call on not moving in with her. She'll keep doing this to you because she can. Don't know what the $ situation is, but if you aren't need the inheritance & don't need to live with her for financial reasons can you just let her deal with everything on her own? You won't be the first kid who just let the calls go to VM to protect themselves from a psycologically abusive parent (and criticizing you to this degree IS abuse).

Maybe you can write out a "Dear Jane" speech where you tell her that you've realize that she is ABSOLUTELY RIGHT! You are completely and utterly incompetent! You can't POSSIBLY do a good enough job of caring for her! She deserves THE VERY BEST, and for that reason you will be completely stepping out of the picture so that she can get the BEST CARE IN THE WORLD....from someone else! In fact, because you love her, to prevent her from being influenced even the tiniest bit by your undoubtedly BAD JUDGEMENT, for her own good you will cease communicaton for the next 30 days (starting now) while she puts into place her own PERFECT CARE PLAN, using only her own EXCELLENT IDEAS! She is welcome to leave messages on your phone of course, but given her great intelligence she will understand that it is FOR HER OWN GOOD that you won't reply, but that you will be thinking of her fondly as she puts her exquisite intellect to work ...yadda yadda yadda

You can have a fine time writing out the most over-the-top speech ever... writing can be good therapy...: )
It sounds like you live with a bully. Chances are that she is talking about herself and putting it off on you. I don't know why a mother would do this to her own daughter. I have the feeling that you grew up hearing these words and that you struggled with your own self esteem. Your mother sounds so much like my own that they could be sisters.

The things I've learned with mine, though, is none of the things she says are true. As your mother gets sicker, she will probably get better about the abuse, but then she will be hard to tend physically. If you suffered this type of abuse growing up, you don't owe it to your mother to give her the chance to finish destroying you. Do what is best for yourself. And if you back out and she asks why, just tell her the truth. She'll turn it around, I know, and try to make you feel like the bad guy, but you'll know the truth. If you decide to move in with her, do it because it makes sense for you. If it doesn't make sense for you, there are many other options for your mother.

BTW, I can tell by listening to you that you are likable, so I know your mother is not telling the truth to you. She wants to make you feel bad, perhaps because if she can put you low enough, she will feel a bit higher herself. Shame on her!
campy, boy your mother is the puppet master!! Time to cut the strings, and if that means moving farther away and help from a distance I'd say DO IT. You don't want to end up in the rubber room right?
Whoa, I had a mother like yours. She was a bully, a verbal abuser, rolled her eyes at me so many times I wished they would get stuck and on and on. Do not move in with her. You won't survive it!!!!! She pushes your buttons because she can, she put them there.
I suggest you get counseling to learn how to deal with her and free yourself from her control. She's about to push you over the edge. Don't let her. You are a good person, you are worthy and this abuse is her fault not yours. But I think you've been beaten down and will have a difficult time standing up to her on your own. I've been down this exact same road. I finally stood up to my mom when I was in my 50s and am so thankful I did although I'm sad it took me that long.
When my mom was alive, I swore I'd never let her live with me or me with her. One of us wasn't going to come out alive. We had an absolutely horrid relationship. I'm a realist and I knew we wouldn't last 3 days under the same roof.
Do not let people tell you you have to take care of your mother in her house. You can see she is cared for her in other ways. You need to protect yourself. You can't take this abuse on a daily basis and keep your sanity.
I told my mother that no matter how hard she tried, I would never allow her to break me. I've come close I admit. It was a struggle to deal with mom, but I somehow never buckled. Please save yourself, campyone.
oh well hell. i have my mom captive in her own home, have all her money and her house, drugged her up yesterday so the nurse and i could take her to the er. hospital is going to wipe her out financially then the nurse and i are going to elope to florida. also im an imposter and not her son at all and if the cops ever catch on to me im going to be jailed for 100 years. honey you havent lived until your mother has late stage dementia.
the truth: i have a house that makes this place look like a steaming turd, if there were any good drugs around here id bogart them for myself, i take mom to town every day, POA is on a springing basis, im not in charge of anything, the hospice nurse is uglier than my reflection in the toilet, i wouldnt live in fla if you gave me the place and 100 years in jail sounds like a cake walk compared to this living nightmare. lol..
Thank you all for the comments, they made me cry, as I see so much truth in each and everyone of them. Horserider I really like the idea of writing the letter as you stated.
Capnhardass --I'd always suspected you were a Mommy-drugging-pinko-kidnapper-nurse-eloping-Fasciest who was up to NO GOOD! (i've discovered all caps.....they seem to express dementia thinking somehow). Jail is a novel thought for respite care... .
Campyone -- Why do you think we are all on here writing to each other? Getting advice (most of it pretty darned good, BTW), crying on shoulders that have carried the same burdens, and it honestly helps sometimes to put stuff down on paper ...er...well, pixels. Laughing helps too, even if it's kinda dark humor sometimes.

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