I can't do this anymore!

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I'm an only child of a very self absorbed 81 yr old woman. We have a stormy history.She is sweet and caring yet has moments of complete narcissism. Listening to her talk about herself constantly drives me crazy!!! I feel trapped and all I want to do is run away. I feel guilty because I dont' live with her, I have my own place and I only help her 20 hrs a week. Why should I be feeling resentful and bitter and burned out? She calls 3-4 times a day on my days off with questions, .problems, etc. I need to write a huge note on a poster board in huge letters. "Don't call me unless it's an emergency!" She sucks the life out of me. I hate feeling this way because I don't want any regrets when she's gone. I can't be her daughter anymore like this. I'm her hired hand. She pays me to take care of her and I'm grateful. I am on disability because of physical disability. and can only work part time. Sorry for rambling.....Anyway, I need to look for another job so I can get my life back. It's not that I don't want to help her, I just feel CONSUMED, the stuffing is out of me and I want out. I feel so burned out. What is wrong with me? ARRRGHH.

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93 yrs wow. that's incredible. My mom is 75 and I am 50, she has a lot of problems caused from food/eating. so don't think she will make it to 93. But I cannot work because she states she cannot do things on her own. I had to file for disability for depression which is what I was after 4 years of loosing my savings and house and friends. And I been not myself for 4 years until using this site which has made me a better daughter and person to care for my mom. People have really helped me over come her rudeness. God bless.
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My 93-year-old Mom is in a board-and-care, yet it still seems I spend at least 10 hours a week handling her affairs at age 57 doing "unpaid" work when I must work for a living!
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Thanks selfishsiblings xo
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Amen, Noahbb!
xo
-SS
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Smitty this sounds so familiar except my mom is with me 24/7. You've got to get some help. Someone to talk to. Some counseling something. This board helps me remember that Im not the only one and everyone has given me the best advice and Ive followed it all and feel so much better. I cannot change my mom but I'm changing myself. God Bless you.
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No, we share similar experiences, except my mother is now in a board-and-care 24-hour assisted living care home. She still screams at me when I tell her that she cannot come back to our condo, and I feel bad. I myself am in and out of temporary jobs and must seek permanent work. She is 93, but I am only 57. My heart goes out to those caregivers who feel that they are very absorbed in their guilt-ridden obligations, but help is out there. You just need to know. On way is to contact a geriatric care manager and obtain an elder attorney to help out with your elder's and your legal rights. Once the situation inproves, you will then be able to figure an out for yourself and counseling, if necessary. Best of luck to all of us caregivers or elder assistants!
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Wow! You are not alone dear. This is my life except I have a ft and pt job as well. My mom does not have moments of narcissism, but every moment. Don't let any one tell you that you are just having a bad day, because all we have to hope for once in a great while is a good day.
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Make sure that you follow through with taking care of yourself. Best wishes~
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Thank you Wellington. I do know I did this to myself. I think that's what you are getting at. That is a bitter pill to swallow. I hate to even say it out loud, but it is true, for me at least. But because I agreed to do all this, I can't just walk away from them now. My challenge is to better balance the physical side of things (all the need for care around the clock) and the emotional needs. I'm doing better. I've already written this several times but I decided I have to care about me more than I care about either my demanding Mom and Dad. I care about my family, and my kids more than I care about either my demanding Mom and Dad. I care about my own happiness more than I care about either my demanding Mom and Dad.It's hard, but I do it.

-SS
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Objectively speaking, we are the ones that allow our parent/spouse/grandparent to get to us. If there were no already underlying issues, I don't believe most of us would be as emotionally drained or hurt as we are. My daughter (who lives with my mil and myself right now) has made me see how counterproductive it is of me to attempt to resolve old, hurtful issues with someone who is incapable of even remembering them (I wasn't cognizant of what I was doing). I now am looking deeply into why I feel such a strong need to take care of a woman who always has been an unabated narcissus all of her life. There is a reason why we all are taking on this role. We need to know ourselves to be able to become free of all the anger, resentment, and/or any other negative emotion that we are allowing ourselves to feel.
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