Caregiver burn out.

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I want to place my mother in a skilled nursing facility. I have been taking care of her gaining on four years now. I get no help from siblings, now mine and my husbands health is failing. I feel angry, bitter, resentful and guilty all at the same time.


What is your question?
Is it normal to feel all these emotions at the same time? Do others feel this taking care of there parent?
Completely normal.
Hi, Sonjia. It is a bad feeling situation when things get to a point where we know we have to do something. Caregiving can take a toll on us. I hope you can find a facility that suits your mother's needs. You're going to feel guilty. That's normal. But sometimes it is the only good solution. After she gets settled in to her new facility, things might get better for all of you. Please let us know how it is going.
Its very normal to feel everything your feeling. You need to care for you and now your husband. But remember how you feel with your mom, make sure you have help coming in for him. Hugs
All caregivers go through these emotions. I think your stress will be lightened considerably if you can get your folks in the right care facility. My parents are barely hanging on in their home and should be in assited living, but in my case ( father with dementia) it's going to difficult to get them to go voluntarily. I will feel so much better when I'm able to make this happen.
On top of that, I'll add "frustrated." Yes, it's normal to feel them all.
Absolutely common. I won't call it "normal", because nothing about caregiving our elders is really "normal". You've had such an important Epiphany: you know you can't go on and need a way out. So many of us never reach that point and just go on until we drop, when it's too late to fix anything, and everyone suffers. You really need to take care of yourself now. Research your area's AL/NH resources, investigate the facilities thoroughly before placing mom, and good luck! There are a lot of resources on this site to help you make that transition.
Windyridge, I am going through the same thing with my parents [mid 90's]... I know they will continue to live in their single family home until the final hour.... there is no carrot I can dangle in front of them to get them moving. Oh well, all their siblings remained at home until the end, so did their parents, so why not my parents... [sigh].

In the mean time I am a mess, I feel like a bowl of jello I am so nervous waiting for that next phone call that they fell down the stairs, or something else had happened. Their house is not elder proof. And Dad still wants to shovel the driveway :P

Sonjia, I also feel angry, bitter, resentful because my parents had a wonderful 25 years of retirement.... I would like to retire, too.... the stress has already damaged my health. My plans where to travel, well that's not going to happen... I guess I will enjoy my travels watching Rick Steven's Europe :(
Thank you for all the wonderful feedback. Sometimes I feel like I just need someone to talk to but none of my friends have taken care of their parent as long as I have. So they really can't understand. I feel my life is on hold and now feeling ill I'm waiting to get rescued some how. Your feedback has been helpful Thank you, I am currently looking for a skilled nursing home, wanting to tour and look at reviews before I move forward. I feel like my anxiety will be easier to handle after we get my mother settled. Also feeling like I wish this would not have fallen only in my lap. If sibling's would pitch in I would not have to make such a hard decision.

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