Burnnneddd Oooouuuutttt

Started by

I am the sole caregiver for my 84 yo mother with Dimentia and severe Arthritis....In September it will be 8 ys I am doing this ALONE. I have no family that is willing or able to help..In that spirit I moved to another state with her were the home costs were much lower...this has backfired on my cuz I have left my support group behind and basically am so burnt out now I dont even know how to make new friends anymore....Adult diaper issues dont make for good conversation I guess....To get out with mom and do things has become increasing diffucult and I am just plain tired and need a day off....Over these 8 years I have only had maybe 3 or 4 weekends off and it has been at least 3 years since the last one....We cannot afford to pay a for the respite care I so desperately need...that is not covered by healthcare. I am afraid I am at a breaking point and have noticed I am not caring for her properly...just the little things, but that guilt is compounded my burnout.... I am so frustrated that there is no help for me, because if it wasn't for me the state would be completely & financially responsible for her the last 8 yrs... that is way more expensive than an occasional break for me...all i get is someone 3 hrs a week...can't do much in 3 hours..and actually usually dont go anywhere then cause I enjoy the company if it wasnt for her I would have no one to talk to, stuck up here in the house 24/7!!...I don't know what to do....I am so tired of it rite now!!!! Thanks for letting me vent!!!


I know exactly how you feel and I truly feel for you. Sending prayers for comfort and a hug your way!
You are so right! Family caregivers save tax payers tons of money each year. It is crazy that there aren't better provisions for respite care!

What program provides the 3 hours a week you are getting? Is your mother on Medicaid/Elderly Waiver? Tell us the details (if you want to) and maybe we can brainstorm some improvements for you.
Juju: Have you talked to your local Area on Aging or Social Services? Jeanne's right, more information would help us brainstorm for you. There has to be something to lighten your burden. Tell us more. Hugs, Cattails
Juju: Be sure to include your age. Cat
Could you possibly get a live-in, part-time person, who would exchange her services for room and board? That way you could have some time off, and it wouldn't cost anything if she had free rent for her services. At least, possibly you could hire from an agency a person to come in for a week-end to give you some free time.
Jeanne N Cat....not sure what more details is there a way you can private message me with your questions or ?? I know with respect to finding good help is difficult I am in a very small and somewhat remote country town
But Social(senior) Services got me the 3 hrs a week respite, but they sed that is all they can offer me! I can hire respite care privately but it is very costly, out of our budget! We don't have enough room for a live in...I did have a temp in a trailer outside house for a couple months. Just helpin each other in a bind. That worked out ok for running errands and I got one weekend off!! The next time a group of friends all going outta town with concert tix, I was all ready to go n she had to leave town cxld day b4, So I was left to stay home alone!!!!. Also came to find out, livin so close quarters, she drank all day! So that was the end of that!!! It is so hard to find good peeps....even the 3 hr respite worker has to be directed n supervised or she would be on her cell or texting 1/2 time. I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE, CANT EVEN FIND GOOD PEOPLE. As i sed my town is small and area in general is problematic, behind the times, and lots of drug n alcohol use!
I am so sorry to hear that you have already called Social Services and all they can offer is 3 hours a week! Did they suggest that you apply for Medicaid for Mom, and Elderly Waiver?

Eight years is a very long time to be tied to this kind of situation. Have you considered placement in a care center? You could still spend hours a day with Mom and continue to offer her love and support and advocate for her, but you'd also be able to take time off on your own schedule.
Jeanne. Yes Medicaid is an option, please tell me more about the "Elderly Waiver" Because in our current situation it is not feasible financially and it is a major perm change. We are looking into all options tho...Currently I must have a job prior to save up enough then once we transition i have to have a full time decent paying job close to home which is going to be nearly impossible in this lil tiny town we moved to. Or we wont be able to make the bills n mortage monthly as they will take all but $100 approx of our income to compensate for services!! But again it is an option to work at...Was just hoping for some respite...It seems it is all or nothing!!!! I will repeat myself tho cuz i am so frustrated. If it werent for me the state would have had the burden n $$ for her care the past 8 years! There is way more social services available to people/families who are irresponsiblly having kids they cant afford (pardon me not all are but there is quite a few) than there is for the elderly who have worked hard, paid their taxes n due's their whole life. so I digress...please tell me everything you know bout medicaid/elderly waiver...It is like a pulling teeth to get information from some of these agencies!!! Thank you for your support!!!!

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

Please enter your Comment

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support