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82 yr old mom. Dad passed 4/13. We moved her to my sister's and my home town. She lives in her own home - alone. Her arthritic hip is in pain due to HER over-doing getting her winter clothes fluffed and in her closet. She got mad that my sister and I didn't call and offer to help. My sister was there and offered and was rejected.

She was in the E.R. Thursday due to hip pain so bad she couldn't move. Both sister and I stayed with her. Released, on drugs to ease pain and she had a walker in her home to help her. We offered to come back after her nap and she said no need. We called, she said she had crackers, etc., for dinner. Ok - seems all is fine.

Friday my sister/niece visit and mom seemed ok. Had HUGE estate sale Sat. and made bookoo $ FOR HER. Got told off today that sister/I didn't call her on Friday and "offer to help make my dinner." She took out a frozen dinner and pulled her back a little bit - and now it's our fault.

I blew up - so tired that we will NEVER, EVER do enough. I have always known she was/is narcissistic but I got to the point today that I couldn't take it. I'm trying so hard, but in almost every conversation I'm being told what I'm not doing enough of.

How do we listen and just say ok and let her dump on us?

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This is typical behavior of someone with personality disorder. I set boundaries with my mother. When she become combative and abusive, I would leave or end the phone conversation. I would not allow her to be verbally abusive to me. I have caller ID, so if she calls me, I answer once only and ignore the rest of the calls. Yes, there were times I would lose my temper and blow up. There have been times when I did not speak to my mother for a couple months at a time. My mom is more mellow now but it is because of the Alzheimer's. She does give my sister a harder time than me.

Google setting boundaries, detaching with love and daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.
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Despite my sister and I making sure mum is taken out and visited every weekend, she still insists that she is neglected and not cared for. I found pages of letters written about what terrible daughters we are even though we are worn out with caring. Nothing is ever good enough. She ruined my special birthday this year by calling a paramedic to take her to hospital for what was only a minor ailment. I had to leave my daughter who had booked us a special lunch and go to pick her up from hospital then ended up cooking her dinner. I blow up more often than I feel proud of but am currently on anti depressants because life us just complicated. No matter what you do, as you say it's not enough. I've found that I have to plan on giving a set amount of what I know is quality time and then remove myself. Even if its only for a short while you really have to tke care of yourself.
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