I'm about to blow my top!

Cancel and Ignore ignore ignore. Let her look a wreck. You should see my MIL who won't let anyone touch her hair. And she's been wearing the same clothes for 3 weeks. I will soon throw them out. Let's do some deep breathing.......

Do what you always do give her a pill and a cup of coffee and go outside and pull some weeds. Keep your calendar away from her or write in code.
Does she need to go give her the choice either go or I will wash and cut it myself.

The sad part is , up until 2 months ago I worked at the salon part time she knows everyone there! She's been going to the same girl for 12 yrs...

I don't cut hair, I was the receptionist..It's perm day.. Her hair looks like a "fright wig"...

She's funny now, she keeps sneaking out of bed to listen for me then when I see her she shuffles back to bed whining a baby whine..!!

Sounds like there is some manipulation going on there, you describe it like a baby whine I think that is significant. I guess she will be going for that perm come hell or high water.

an ill old person probably has a lot bigger concerns than whether they look pretty or not. id let her do whatever she wants. i cut my own hair with a sharp butcher knife and shame on the sob who tries to tell me any differently.

Oh yes she is going! I think while she still has the mobility that her hygiene is important.. The weather is good today so that's not an excuse. We live in MA so the weather will be changing and she uses it to her advantage.

When the appt is over, all will be forgotten. She'll be on to something else!

Good for you. Yes, the complaints will be about something else tomorrow.

Oh Assanache, I feel your pain. My mom looked like hell and wouldn't leave her apt because she felt she looked so bad because her perm had grown out. I kept trimming it until it was straight as a stick. She kept saying over and over again she couldn't take another perm appt. I finally went against her wishes and scheduled one. I stayed with her the whole time and the woman who does her hair is fantastic. Mom was happy as a clam when it was all done. And so proud of herself that she looked good again. I never tell her ahead of time what is scheduled or she won't want to do it. I've learned through those tears and denials that I just have to do what is in her best interest and let her cry or whatever. Afterwards all is forgotten and she's happy with whatever she didn't want to do.

Hi A&A: I go through the same thing with my Mom on occasion, although she usually looks forward to her monthly hairdresser appt. A few times I trimmed her hair at the NH if she refused to leave for the day. She also has gotten into the habit of not changing her clothes. So rather than argue, I grab a clean outfit, and after her hair is all done, we talk her into changing into the clean clothes in the back room of the beauty parlor. Then we go out to lunch. She also has been very lax about changing her outfits in the NH and will wear the same thing week after week. She won't let the aides help her pick out or change clothes either. I have gotten the night nurse to remove the dirty clothes after she is asleep (but not every night) and toss them up into the top of closet where her suitcases are and she won't notice them. Next day she has to pick out something clean to wear. I have gotten to the point where I now have her down to two outfits left (two pants plus several extra tops). Now she is validly complaining that she doesn't have much left and I told her not to worry, I am bringing a bunch of clean clothes back to her next week. But I think it may be best to limit to two outfits as noted above. At least that way I can make sure she is rotating clothes every 2 weeks. So frustrating, but.....Necessity is the mother of invention!!

Also, as an ex hairdresser myself, unless a person is cancelling from being seriously ill at the last minute, please do your best to keep your appointment. Your appointment is the hairdresser's livelihood and if people cancel with only a couple of hours before their appointment the hairdresser does not have an opportunity to fill that space with another client so she loses out on her money.

"Oh" she went! and she looks beautiful! And she's doesn't know I made her another appt in 2 weeks for a wash/style.!

Wow, same thing happened here this morning. "Mom, I made you a hot tea. You need to get up because you have a hair appointment at 10 a.m. " Mom says, "What? Aw, come on....it's just hair, who cares?" I'm thinking, "Um, I do, so let's get moving." Instead, I said, "Come on mom I really don't make you do much (I don't) and you can come home and watch TV afterwards".....I swear I'm going to disconnect the cable in this house for an entire day....but withdrawal may set in! I'm standing there thinking, "Ya know, it's the same thing every five weeks when she needs a haircut, mom has to gripe about it. I have so much I can be doing around the house, I really don't have time for this elementary school aged hiss fit!"

Mom's haircut looks great! Sometimes I feel like.....if mom doesn't care why should I? But I do because that's what loved ones do for each other! Mom makes it so hard to be around her sometimes. Her negative energy zaps my positive energy! She's going to my brother's tomorrow for a long weekend.........I love my mom......but......yippee! Anyone else ever want to say that? I'll say it again......yippee! hahaha! Hang in there assandache7....I get what your saying! ;)

I bought post-it notes and I put them in mom's room a 1-3 days before appointment....this gives mom time to deal with the fact that her appointments are coming up and she has to go to her appointments like rest of us have to.....they are a part of life....she may still complain about them....but she can't say "I forgot" or " I didn't know about it"........

My MIL was wearing the same outfit several times per week, but not consecutive days so it may have been washed and returned to her NH room. Growing tired of seeing that outfit, we made Day of the Week tags from card stock and laminated them. Each card has a plastic loop to keep the hangers for the outfit together. On Sunday, with her input, a family member gets the outfits ready for the week. She has been very receptive to this approach.

The notes won't work for my Mom she has a panic attack if she knows ahead of time..

That's tough. I get what your saying......it must be hard for you. My mom is anxiety-filled from time to time....usually when she has to do something she doesn't want to do or face......but once she's on her way/appointment is over she's as happy as a clam.....it drives me bonkers!

I try explaining to her the importance of personal hygiene, doctor appointments, etc., but she just goes along with it not caring one way or another....until she's at the appointment with a big smile on her face for the receptionist and doctor to see! Somehow we manage to get some laughs in on the way to these appointments....I certainly don't want my mom to be unhappy......but when she sees the glass half empty....that kind of attitude does not help!

Right now I have to make sure she's packing her suitcase/see if she needs assistance........and I hope she doesn't start complaining about going.......it will be good for her to get out of the house.........ugh! I hope you can come up with a solution......less stress for you!

Care4 if your Mom's anything like mine and she knows they'll be kissing her ass all weekend then the bag will be packed in a jiffy!

Well, her bag was packed when I went downstairs...... ;)

Assandache7 - boy was I surprised to read that you had ANY problem with your situation - I mean that in a lighthearted way, because of all the amazing 'answer' posts in this blog that you have submitted - so many are excellent ones that are always so sincere, compassionate & knowledgeable. I was starting to think you must teach a class somewhere called "Caretaking 101"! (Again, just teasing!) But seriously it's amazing the kinds of things that each of our parents go thru, and what freaks them out. In my case, my mom can't WAIT to get a hair cut!!!!!! (And I can't wait either, because that's the ONLY way I can get her to wash her hair! :-) WW3 has just about started with all attempts at attempting to wash it here ~ she keeps claiming she's already done it that day her self ~ I finally gave up and decided oh well, so what if she looks like a dishrag by the end of the two weeks! You pick your battles! Lately my mom is becoming extremely delusional - it's strange because it's hard to tell if it's mental illness or dementia, or both. Two nights ago she "spent hours on the phone with men who were going to get me and my brother a job, so we had to be sure to get up right away and get ready....." whoah! what phone? and she clung to that story all day. This am she woke up insisting that she had fallen on her head in the middle of the night - i sleep in her room so there's no way i coulda missed that! In some ways it's like a weird psychodrama unfolding before your eyes, every day. If it wasn't so actually emotionally devastating in the process it could almost be entertaining....
(And I love your avatar about wishing to be a bird....)
Blessings for the weekend to everyone ~

Oh rosebud HA...I love humor it's my scapegoat! Read my post today on "how you doing" the saga continues...

If my Mom starts seeing shit she's going in the home! Lol

Some beauticians will come to your home and do the work. Maybe that's a possibility?

I totally agree with urging them to keep appointments they want to break. If anyone else's mother is like mine, she regrets it when she breaks appointments. If it is her hair, the same unhappiness about her hair will exist until she keeps an appointment. If it's a doctor, it is just putting off the time until later. She'll dread it again then. She use to weasel out of appointments a lot, but now she goes to them all. Encouraging and pointing out that they'll just have to go later usually works.