I feel like I just can't take it anymore.
I've been caring for my father who has the combined illnesses of complete kidney failure (dialysis 3x week), congestive heart, vascular disease, one leg that is fused, extreme joint pain, pulmony problems and arrhythmia. Luckily his mind is sharp with no major signs of dementia. He is 82, and doing much better than the dr.s could ever have expected. That means he's holding on, not doing well. In fact, he is constanty in terrible pain, often has uncontrollable bleeding from the fistula site, mini strokes, heart problems etc. etc.etc. I have to call 911 at least every other month for some new thing. He has been this way for almost three years now. I have two selfish vicious sisters who live ten minutes away each, but have chosen to let me do it all because I was living in dad's house when he got sick. I am 52!!!! I was only living here temporarily after a terrible divorce, and then he got sick. I adore my dad, and would never leave him. The problem is these two rotten selfish women who are more concerned with their plastic surgeries, and screwing around than they are helping dad and I. They have never liked me, and have always been a two girl gang, but come on..... they're 50 and 40!!!!!!! I am disabled, and on many days can't walk at all. I also suffer extreme depression, and actually had to be hospitalized for a week last summer. No one called ever once to ask if they could do anything or how I was. They NEVER ask if we need help, or offer to kindly talk. They treat me like absolute crap, and I find myself blowing up at them occasionally because I simply cannot take it. It's just become WAY too much. I am criticized, and treated horriffically by them behind my dads back. Of course he is oblivious to all this, and is in fact in denial about the situation! I do everything...EVERYTHING associated with his care. I feel like I want to get in my car and just drive away forever. I do see a therapist, and many other dr.s, but this whole thing has aged me at least ten years. I am beyond exhausted and no longer know how to cope. I go out two times a week to hear music, and if my leg allows, I walk in the woods a tiny bit. I am an artist, but since I've been here I have been artistically frozen completely. I do not work aside from my grueling job here, do to my disabilities. I really need to connect to others in my same situation. Thanks for listening.