I am becoming suicidal , can't take much more.

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i am manic by-polar and a caregiver for parents, mother dies in nov. 2010 and was very abusive to me, now my dad is blind and i am like a person on house arrest , i need help


Please, please, get out of this situation as soon as you can safely leave your father in the care of others.

Do you have a case worker? A psychiatrist? A therapist? Who is helping you mange your bipolar disorder? If you have a professional you already know, call that person and explain your situation. Explain that you need immediate help.

If you don't have a professional who knows your case or you can't call that person over the weekend, then please call the nearest hospital with a crisis center. Explain that you are bipolar, you are feeling suicidal, and you are responsible for the care of your blind father.

Hang in there, shelahfaye1. There is help available. Both immediate shortterm help to get you past this crisis and also long term help to get you off of house arrest.

Do not continue to try to do this alone. Call in some professional help. You deserve it and your father deserves it.

Please let us know how you are doing!
shelahfaye1, dial 911 now! and get yourself some help because you are a danger to yourself.
OK....................take a breath...................slow down.........relax.Now get it together ......sit down and write down each thing that is over powering you. Put one problem only per line......now look at each problem by its self.......Is there anything you can do to that problem,that might make it easier to deal with? If you have some lavender ,smell it and will slightly ajust your brain with happy seratonins.or if you have some dark chocolate you can breath the aroma and it will adjust a bit too. Try not to panic.I know that is easy for me to say,you can do this and you have control of your body.Just take baby step and begin calming yourself back down...........Call your fathers Dr in the morning,or monday would probly be better and ask the nurses if they have info for parent care that would assist you. Since he is blind,you can call the blind foundation and sometimes they will send a sitter ,to read to a person and that would give you a break. It would help to know what state you are in,I could give you some phone numbers maybe to get hold of. If you can,try to take just 5 minutes out of each hour to close your eyes and think of something nice that makes you happy,breath in and hold it to the count of 10.....now breath out to the count of 15 and again. I don't care if you can only do it when you go to the bathroom,just do it.When you breath in slowly,hold it and breath out slowly,you are adding oxygen in and blowing out bad air,energy,coodies,frustration ect. You are stronger than you think.You can do this.I will help in anyway I can.I understand your stress,I am taking care of 3 parent #1 has demencia,#2 has aldhiemer and #3 is a drug attict.It can be overpowering at time so I get it.
I'm bipolar also and know what it is to become suicidal. Do you have an actual suicide plan in your head? If so, then get help now!
I am suicidal. It's a constant struggle between wanting to live and wanting to die. But I don't have bipolar. So, perhaps that means you have it much harder to control those suicide thoughts than I do. I used to believe that my life is a prison - still is actually but by reading a lot of the different discussions on this site, AND having had 1 group therapy and 1 private therapy, it's not as bad as it was a month ago.

This is the advice of my therapist: "If you have suicide thoughts, please call 911 and tell them to take you to the hospital ER. Explain to ER the situation, and they will help you. Please call 911."

Now if you're like me, and suicide is not yet NOW, then please call the ER or the clinic and explain the situation and if they can recommend a place for you to START the ball rolling on how YOU can Help your blind father. Everyone above have given some great answers. I hope this helped???
Oh, I forgot to mention that 2 days ago, I've been working on dealing with my suicide thoughts. I've checked to see if my insurance will cover therapy, what's the max per year. I've called clinics to see which therapist they recommend their patients with depression. I monitor my thoughts and gauge if the situation is a 911 call or not. So far, the thoughts are there but no desire to do it.

Please, if you truly believe your life is in danger due to these thoughts, please call 911. Take one small step at a time. If the 1st step is calling 911, then call it! You can always come back here for more advice for each hurdle or block on your path.
I too, am bi-polar and have just recently had my demented, schizophrenic mother move in with me. Now at least I know why I'm mentally unstable. Please do try to find out help, there are resourses available that I'm still learning about. BUT unless you're absolutly sure your going to do yourself in, please find help without calling 911 unless you have someone sit with your dad for 3 days. I know everyone is trying to help, but when you call 911, they will take you to the emergency room, then to the state hospital for a 3 day lock down and you can't even make a phone call. I know, I've been there and that's what happens when you threaten suicide. I'm not sure what happens to your dad, maybe the state takes him if that's what you need to happen, just remember if they take him they take everything of his also. If you have someone to care for him for 3 days, check yourself in without the drama and get the help you need without the state or county getting involved. I went to the local mental health center and told them about my stress level and got help, even without insurance. Once again, be careful of using the word "suicide'', it puts the wheels in motion to have you commited.
Bek, really? So if I had called 911 and mentioned suicide, the ER would have me on lock down for 3 days? So that's Why the therapist said I would at least have a few days off from taking care of the parents!!! Good advice for Shelahfaye cuz of her father.
shelahfaye1, please let us know how you are doing today.
When you publicly say you are thinking about harming yourself,you become a threat to yourself and others around you,ie..your father.This sets a forward motion of "the baker act".The backer act gives the right of 3 days observation in a psyc unit. All the advice everyone is giving you is good.Heres the bottom line straight forward without the pretty talk .Either get it together or call someone that will help you do it. It is not just your life that you are toying with.Put your big girl panties on,take a breath,and get some help.NOW.Look in the phone book under CRISIS line and you can call someone in your local area that can help.They almost always have every number for any problem you re dealing with.Get dad in a safe place and then you can go to a safe place to get help too.

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