Can't sleep tossing and turning. I am scared and angry.

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Every night I am getting more and more anxious.My parents "temporary" stay with me seems endless. And there is nowhere in sight for them to live And they have no money and I don't have any to help them out with. Neither of my sisters can help either. I'm so scared something is going to happen to my father and my mom will have nobody to care for her And he has nothing in place . When I asked him to make a plan he said he was going to leave that in my hands! I am raising a family and I am finding more and more difficult To relax or focus on them. I'm finding myself hating my life And my home The place I always loved the most. I feel guilty for all the feelings I'm having..And I can't seem to turn them off I feel trapped. I really don't know what to do.

4 Comments

Dancin, you will be ok, take a few minutes to take some deep breaths, and come back to here and now, not the past or the future... just this minute.....in this minute everything is fine....tomorrow, take the time to set down and try and make a plan.. if the first one doesn't work, then have a back up plan.... your fears are 'what if's', and right now you have things to do that are right in front of you.....
There are agencies to help your parents... are they on Medicare? If not, then get that going for them... call your area Council on Aging and tell them your concerns.... after you have listed them.... it will help them to help you.... you have a lot to be concerned about... and I'm sorry, but I would tell Dad he has to participate in the planning.... it is not your job if he is capable of helping, or even doing it himself... just because a parent hands us something, doesn't mean we can't hand it back.....
The Counsel on Aging will direct you to other agencies... it will help you to not feel so powerless.... or so overwhelmed...
I appreciate that you reached out tonight... and there will be other replies also, later on, so come back and read and get you and your parents some help.... you are not alone.... we do understand.....let us know how you are doing.... we'll do all we can to help..... so , breathe, try to relax, there is nothing you can do at this time of morning anyway.... but you have made the first step in asking for help.... hugs across the miles to you....breathe.....
Dancin, I have had a lot of those nights myself. I don't know why the irresponsibility of one generation has to fall so hard on the next, so I understand your anger completely.

Do your parents get social security? If they get that and nothing else, they may qualify for Section 8 housing or some other form of subsidized housing. If their pay is low, talk to someone about starting the application for Section 8. It is competitive and takes a while for applications to be approved, so it is a good thing to get started on right away.

Many people find themselves in the positions your parents are in and have to depend on subsidized housing. These are not housing projects, but nice apartments. Many are in senior communities. You'll have to get your parents to complete the applications (or at least sign them). If they are reasonably healthy, there is no reason that they can't be living independently.

Put it in your hands, my foot! That one would have made me mad.
Insomnia is my middle name. I so understand. I have to distract myself pretty often just to get through the day. Find a game or hobby that you can get in even for 15 min. just to take your overburdened mind of all the worries. It helps me. And, we are always here for a vent. Good luck!
I understand and am in a similar situation, though i do not live with my parents. My parents have also not planned and are in a bad financial and now medical situation. I also experience feelings of being overwhelmed and resentful. Who wouldn't? I have been on a binge doing section 8 and HUD paperwork for them. Your local housing authority can send you out the application for your immediate town where they would have preference as local residents. If your parents are also homeless and extremely low income they get an even greater preference. Also, if you google HUD elderly housing you will find the list of hud apartments. I made sure to ask my parents where they wanted to live, mostly because I'd rather focus the work for better results. Now they are on the lists which run anywhere from a few months to longer.
It makes me think of friends who are not thinking ahead. I have to do much more to plan for my own retirement as well.
-rose

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