I can't seem to get over watching my sister-in-law die.
We moved into a new house in march and in may my sister-in-law came to our home and we had hospice come in. She had terminal ovarian cancer. She did not want to prolong life. To limit as much of the invasion by nurses 24/7 I learned how to do most of the caregiving. This included administering all of the various meds to keep her pain managed. Due to the configuration of our house her hospital bed was in the room with my husband and I. It was also her request that her friends and family come and say there goodbyes. This meant that we also were intertaining guest a good bit of this time as well. Towards the end she developed something called "terminal agitation". This was very difficult to handle and we finally had to give her medication to completely put her in a coma. All of this was and is standard practice by Hospice in the last days of life and I thought I was ok with everything especially given my sister-in-laws request and directives. Now months later I find myself falling appart for no reason and feeling extreem bouts of anxiety. I feel guilty for some reason and I know that's not reasonable. How can I overcome this? I dont even make it out of my house most days because im such an emotional wreck.