Can't get Mom to use pull-ups.

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I've just spent a while on my hands and knees, cleaning up the drops of urine in the hall. They go from the living room to the bathroom. I know they are in the living room rug, too. I bought some pull-ups for my mother, but she won't wear them. She goes commando with just her pajama bottoms serving to catch the dribble. She goes back and forth to the bathroom all day long, sometimes as often as every five minutes. The doctor and I have encouraged her to wear the pull-ups so she wouldn't have to worry about making it to the bathroom in time. When I mention it to her in private, she gets very angry and denies she has any accidents, calling me liar. This is after suggesting the pull-ups to her in a non-accusing way, so it isn't me setting her off. She is just ashamed, I realize. She tries to hide all the accidents she has by doing laundry every day. But it is hard to hide all those dribble spots on the floor and the smell of urine in the house.

My mother is so quick to anger. This has been a life-long thing with her, but it is coupled with disability now. And that makes her even angrier. I find it very humbling to be on my hands and knees cleaning up the urine spots of someone that has always been so nasty and angry. And I wonder what is it about some of us that we put ourselves through it. What is even more remarkable is how we go through it without becoming full of rage ourselves. After a while it becomes like doing things for a person who is totally unrelated. It makes no sense to me, but I guess someone has to do it.

Something I just considered, if I had treated my mother as she treats me, she would have put me in a "special school" for wayward teens. Parents could do that back then.


I haven't experienced this yet, so I honestly am not sure. But what I would tell my loved one is either they use the diaper or use the poise pads ( of course those are only for small leaks I think). Another possibility is a catheter, which it depends on the severity and what her Dr says.

Look under medical supplies, usually they have those pans, side potty's etc to use. Also, when they are in a hurry for the bathroom, thats when my grandfather also has an issue, they can fall easier. I wish you luck.

Oh, I forgot to add,sorry for how your treated. Your right, they would of sent us to one of those places!
I had wondered if you read this before asking the question about our dirty laundry. :-) The question literally fits the situation.
Don't do it for awhile. Then ask her where the spots are coming from........Mom adjusted pretty quickly, but then again, she has dementia/Alzheimers.......getting closer to the end of her life cycle......
Both my husband and my mother started with pads in their regular underwear. Would that seem more acceptable to your mother, do you think? Neither Hubby nor Mom fought wearing pull-ups when the time came. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.

Most of us get to do some piss and poop cleanup. It goes with caregiving. But I can imagine it is much easier to do it lovingly if it is an "accident" and not a result of the loved ones' lack of cooperation. And it would even be easier to take the lack of cooperation if it were new and a result of the dementia. But to deal with it as a life-long pattern? Yikes!

I don't know how you do it.
falling is an issue as me1000 stated. Get her a port a potty to sit next to her near bed or couch. Tell her you dont want her to break a hip. Get a couple of them. Maybe it will help, bedside commodes. Also tell her you don't want her getting bedsores. That is really bad too.
I wish it could be more simple. I bought her a pack of pads, but she won't use them. Dirty laundry here -- she has always hated underpants. She goes commando except when she's in public. Wearing a pad would mean she would have to wear underpants.

We do have a potty, but she said she doesn't need it. She is going to do it her way. I don't understand the why's of my mother, though I can predict what she'll do and say. Thank goodness for vinegar. A little vinegar in water gets the spots up pretty well and makes things smell better.

I agree with what everyone is saying. If I could only get her to agree!
JessieBelle, no, it has nothing to do with your question about the pullups. Im sorry if you thought so :( See, I was on another forum but it was for my kids, well, I said too much and some things hit the fan, so I quit that forum. Plus things are a little better anyway with them and I wasn't going to be on that one anymore. ( I mentioned my son has ADHD and other issues ..etc here as well.)

The same with this forum, its none of you, it just I feel guilty because I was brought up to keep our problems just that. I have actually gave a lot of info on my family issues and neighbors here, so its actually detailed unfortunately. Plus, by the off chance someone I know/ the family knows puts two and two together and realizes its me, I just dont want my family to know I been talking about them/us. I think I wouldn't want everyone talking about me either! Well, unless it was all wonderful ;) My daughter and son would also get angry and feel betrayed.

Oh that's a good point about having to use underwear for the pads. Hopefully it gets better for you. I wish you luck. Thank you for the tip about the Vinegar, I am beginning to like that stuff more and more!


I am thinking that if someone could find a way to help elders hold urine more effectively that it would dramatically increase the quality of life for so many seniors. Many seniors don't want to go places because they are afraid of having an accident. Some seniors spend so much time going to the bathroom because the pelvic muscles get weak. I wish someone would come up with an aid for incontinence that was safe for elders. I don't know if anyone is even looking at things beyond building a better diaper.
Me1000, don't worry. I wasn't offended at all. I do bet that groups dealing with issues in children can be a hotbed for conflict. There is probably so much stress there.

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