I can't cope with my gran and my dad.


I have been looking after my gran for a while now and it has a major impacted on my life. I don't have a life and I’m really fed up, I feel like life is passing me by. I started looking after her when I was 29 I’m now 32 I’ve had to give up so much for her but get very little thanks. Her seven children don't seem to be grateful at all they just have this expectation of me and think that I’m happy, when I let them know I’m not happy they think I’m having a go at them, have a go at me, then they walk away and get on with their merry little lives. They never say thank you or even offer to take over for one day so I can have a break. I'm finding it hard to concentrate at work too due to the lack of sleep.

I don't go out with my friends anymore or even dates because of how thing are at home. I'm currently trying do a home study course which I’m getting nowhere with because my gran likes to create drama in the house by screaming and whaling for no reason. She can’t walk due to muscle wastage because she refuses to eat, refuses to leave her room and house, refuses to wash herself, refuse to even underdress herself, doesn't talk to me but when her wicked daughter (who used to be a professional caregiver but doesn’t look after her mother) comes over on her infrequent royal visits my gran is chatting away to her and is more concerned about her health than mine. I wash her every day because she wets herself; I have to lift her up all the time to take her to the loo which leaves me with back pain. She refuses to use the hoists which would make it easier on me, but when I put her in it she screams, cries and tries to fight herself out of it, which makes it too dangerous to use.

The doctors have given my gran Ensure & Mirtazapine to help her put on weight and lift her mood but it doesn't work. I feel helpless. I never expected my life to be like this I don't see a future for myself right now. I would like to have kids, own my own home, have a good career but right now what I can earn and the places I can go are restricted, I feel so trapped.

To top it off now my Dad who has a major mental health issue has decided to move back to my town. Which I’m not happy about at all but there is nothing can do about it. He hasn't played a part in my life from the time I was born, I know he cannot help his behaviour but he has had 30yrs to pull his-self together. He walks around town looking and smelling like a tramp eating things from the floor, turns up at my grans home early hours in the morning and it's like he doesn't care. Everyone is telling me not to worry or be embarrassed about it but it doesn’t affect them and they have never had to face this type of situation in their lives.

Going into the town centre to do a little shopping used to be an escape and pleasures for me from looking after my gran but now I refuse to walk into the town centre even on my lunch break because I can't face him and i don't want him following me to the place I work which is close to the town centre, as he used do that when I was in school and it was frightening for me as a little girl have to face that.

My worthless aunt told me last week that she will help me out for one day a week only when she retires, which is in four years’ time which to me is a piss take. I’m just fed up with the lot of them; I hope they don’t expect me to looking after them when they get old and frail because I won’t and right now I really hate how ungrateful they are. When they visit they eat all the food in the house, they don’t think into the fact that I’m paying for it and that I work part-time, I earn a low wage all because I’ve had to change my career from something I wanted to do, to a job I can’t stand to suit my grans care needs.

I just can't cope anymore I feel like running away.

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What? You've been doing this for THREE YEARS? And your Aunt expects you to continue to do it single-handedly for another FOUR YEARS?

Whoa. It has gone on way, way too long as it is. Give notice. Get a job you can support yourself (but not your Gran) with. Get an apartment. Get a life.

Do not blame your aunts and uncles. Do not blame your Gran. Just correct the situation. Give notice. Move on.

Hugs to you Child1. You owe no one an explanation. Your service for your gran has gone beyond and above what should be expected of anyone especially at your age. Call your aunts and uncles tomorrow and let them know you are leaving the end of the week or the month (at the latest). Get on with your life!

I do not believe anyone should sacrifice their health, family, marriage, or themselves for whatever the reaon.

There's a great big world out there and you more than deserve your piece of the pie! Best of luck and God bless!!

It sounds like you are living in your Gran's house. Is that right? It sounds like you need to put out an alert to your aunts and uncles that your tenure as Cinderella is up and that you will be moving out. Your Gran will need to be placed or they will have to take over the responsibilities of caring for it. Then follow through! If no one steps up, get social services involved in the placement of your gran. And try to keep your father from knowing where you moved to. It sounds like you have a horribly stressful situation there and you deserve better.

Often the person who does the most for a person gets treated the worst. I don't know why people can be that way. It is like the dog that bites the hand that feeds it. The bed your gran created for herself is not a good one and you don't have to lie in it with her. I hope you're able to put your life back together quickly, find the right man who makes you smile, and have the children you've been wanting to have. You go, girl!

In the circumstances you describe, I would leave. You are being abused.

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