I can't cope with my gran and my dad.
I have been looking after my gran for a while now and it has a major impacted on my life. I don't have a life and I’m really fed up, I feel like life is passing me by. I started looking after her when I was 29 I’m now 32 I’ve had to give up so much for her but get very little thanks. Her seven children don't seem to be grateful at all they just have this expectation of me and think that I’m happy, when I let them know I’m not happy they think I’m having a go at them, have a go at me, then they walk away and get on with their merry little lives. They never say thank you or even offer to take over for one day so I can have a break. I'm finding it hard to concentrate at work too due to the lack of sleep.
I don't go out with my friends anymore or even dates because of how thing are at home. I'm currently trying do a home study course which I’m getting nowhere with because my gran likes to create drama in the house by screaming and whaling for no reason. She can’t walk due to muscle wastage because she refuses to eat, refuses to leave her room and house, refuses to wash herself, refuse to even underdress herself, doesn't talk to me but when her wicked daughter (who used to be a professional caregiver but doesn’t look after her mother) comes over on her infrequent royal visits my gran is chatting away to her and is more concerned about her health than mine. I wash her every day because she wets herself; I have to lift her up all the time to take her to the loo which leaves me with back pain. She refuses to use the hoists which would make it easier on me, but when I put her in it she screams, cries and tries to fight herself out of it, which makes it too dangerous to use.
The doctors have given my gran Ensure & Mirtazapine to help her put on weight and lift her mood but it doesn't work. I feel helpless. I never expected my life to be like this I don't see a future for myself right now. I would like to have kids, own my own home, have a good career but right now what I can earn and the places I can go are restricted, I feel so trapped.
To top it off now my Dad who has a major mental health issue has decided to move back to my town. Which I’m not happy about at all but there is nothing can do about it. He hasn't played a part in my life from the time I was born, I know he cannot help his behaviour but he has had 30yrs to pull his-self together. He walks around town looking and smelling like a tramp eating things from the floor, turns up at my grans home early hours in the morning and it's like he doesn't care. Everyone is telling me not to worry or be embarrassed about it but it doesn’t affect them and they have never had to face this type of situation in their lives.
Going into the town centre to do a little shopping used to be an escape and pleasures for me from looking after my gran but now I refuse to walk into the town centre even on my lunch break because I can't face him and i don't want him following me to the place I work which is close to the town centre, as he used do that when I was in school and it was frightening for me as a little girl have to face that.
My worthless aunt told me last week that she will help me out for one day a week only when she retires, which is in four years’ time which to me is a piss take. I’m just fed up with the lot of them; I hope they don’t expect me to looking after them when they get old and frail because I won’t and right now I really hate how ungrateful they are. When they visit they eat all the food in the house, they don’t think into the fact that I’m paying for it and that I work part-time, I earn a low wage all because I’ve had to change my career from something I wanted to do, to a job I can’t stand to suit my grans care needs.
I just can't cope anymore I feel like running away.