Can't believe after we picked up the pieces, he spent Thanksgiving with "them".


It felt like a knife in my heart, and to my husband for my dad to leave on Thanksgiving morning to go eat with the ones who stole and treated him so badly. Me and my family were here in this dump called a family home after moving in to help. Yes, it was our choice. But after we picked up the pieces and payed out bills ect.. from them mooching and stealing. He goes with them. Makes me want to sell this house in a way. Would you feel betrayed if the person youve helped ditched you on a holiday like that? It hurts!

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Joy and Fa, la, la, la la! Bah Humbug!

Thank you all, i have and will take all your comments in. Very helpful to hear your thoughts from the outside! I will no matter what be the best caregiver i can because i do love him and so im going to move on. Until christmas right! Oh joy lol.

3kids, do not take it personally! It is less complicated and stressful to accept the invitation. Similar thing happened her for the past couple of years, me stressing keeping elders home for safety reasons to say nothing about how I was feeling about sibs. This year I just decided to let it go, sibs would learn the hard way that it is not easy to take them out and I enjoyed a pleasant holiday with a friend and my own company.

Yes, i have three kids, and i understand his want for peace. I try to do everything i can to get the kids to maintain order and respect their grandpa. Do they always listen no. I get that its not easy to live with us. However, this was something we all discussed priar to him not working and aging so rapidly. The house needs ALOT of repair. He started but never finished. We wanted him to live better, not have to worry and yes we lived in a different town. He had to move in with us for three months and wanted to go back. But he cannot take care of hisself, he wouldve lost the house, after losing his business and its really the only solution for us all right now. But no him leaving me amd my family for thanksgiving made us feel like dirt. Weve only given not stolen money out of his business acct to the point we had to sit there w no lights and took off w his car and ran it into ground and uaed him to no evail and basically left him for dead w msra. I came to the rescue picked up the pieces as i always do, and i felt very rejected. I mean really what msg is he trying to send ?

What I have found out is this…. there is always the golden child and it usually "ain't" the one doing all the caring. I sometimes wonder what the lesson is. I haven't yet to figure that one out!!!!

I'm going to guess he has not seen them in a while, and he feels guilty about it. He knows his time is very short and he is mending fences. Let him.
He knows you will stand by him. He is not so sure they will. King Lear.

If you read here, a lot, you will find that it is never advised for someone to move in with their parent. Did he ask you to? Do you have 3 kids? Maybe he wanted some peace and quiet. Ask him what is going on.

Bookluvr you have given me a lot to chew on. It may take me till later today to peocess all this and be able to talk about what youve said. Thank you and captain i think ill have to chew on that too! Lol

I would feel hurt, even though I know that my dad is going through senility. I think it's normal to feel hurt. This would be the best time to start learning to detach emotionally. You've done it physically, now it's time for the mental/emotional one.

I'm still working on how to not allow his words to anger/hurt me. There's a poster here that posts this every once in a while. I have it filed in my notes for easy finding.


Accept that others are responsible for their own choices
Anger –deal with it in a healthy way
Blame –don’t blame and don’t accept blame
Consequences – face them and see that others experience them
Decide what you are willing to do and what you are not willing to do
Detachment is not a feeling so much as a choice of behaviors, though the feelings should follow the behaviors. Detachment means you can maintain positive behaviors towards to others –kindness, compassion,
Don’t enable the unhealthy behaviors of others
Focus on yourself
Forgive, but don’t forget the need to protect yourself
Grieve the relationship as it was, the hopes that you had, the mistreatment you received,
Refuse to be manipulated e.g, emotional blackmail
Respond, don’t react
Separate yourself - physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, socially from others behaviors/feelings
Set boundaries
Say “No”
Space –create it between you and them
Try not to take the behaviors personally
Treat others and yourself with love and dignity
You can only control /change yourself – your emotions, your behaviors –do not take responsibility for the others feelings or behaviors

Realize it is a process and that you will make mistakes and get “sucked” in, but that you can learn from your mistakes.

P.S.... It's a good time to work on this because Christmas is coming up.

parents have different relationships with different kids . if i wanted to get shatfaced on a holiday id go visit bluntman . if i wanted a fun day in the kitchen id go visit cubehead . if i wanted something fit to eat id stay home and cook it myself . lol

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