I can't afford the financial or emotional price of taking care of mother-in-law!

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For the past 7 years I've had both sets of parents with me. My husband & I are only children so we "thought" this would be the best solution since we were driving all over southern california going from one crisis to the next. Since then My Fatherinlaw has passed so now we are down to 3 parents. We also have 2 little kids. The economy has killed us financially so we are short selling the house & my parents are getting set up on their own in a mobile home park. So now I just have my mother-in-law (nemisis). Sound harsh I know but the last 7 years has just about killed me. My husband has found new work but its a 3 hour commute each way every day. So needless to say, it all falls on me. We can't afford right now to move closer to his work. She only has her social security & yesterday was declared legally blind. I can't afford to put her in assisted living, & she can't afford to pay it herself. SO any suggestions? My kids need their mom! I need a break thats longer than happy hour!


Can't she qualify for medicaid? Not that you aren't caring for her the best that you can, but she needs skilled care. Believe me when I say that caring for her can kill you. So, then what? Something else would have to happen. You need to make that happen, now.
Chicago1954 is right, caregiving CAN kill you! My husband's cousin was caring for her mother who is in her nineties and has alzhiemer's, for over ten years while herself being ill and diabetic. After suffering heart failure herself we finally convinced her to put her mother in ALF. After the initial guilt wore off, she had cataract surgery and was looking forward to having her life back now she could drive again. Last Thanksgiving, after six months of freedom, she had a stroke and passed away. I wish to God I had stepped in sooner to help but she never asked! Only the last year did we really connect and she shared with me how bad her life had become and let us help her. And her mother? 98 years old, fit as a fiddle and can't even remember the nurse from this morning, never mind her daughter! Just sayin'...
If the only 'workable' arrangement is to keep MIL in your home, use her social security income to provide extra services: Adult day care; companions/aides; appropirate services, etc. I can bring in a companion for $12-15/hr. Social security would pay for quite a few hours of service. How about an aide to do bathing etc one day a week. Sometimes neighbors are willing to 'mom-sit' for a bit at no cost. How about checking into the Calif dept of social services. They may provide help due to the diagnosis of blindness. Ditto on 'helping hands for the blind'. Perhaps knowing her age would give readers further insight. Good luck.
Recommendations by geewiz are spot on. Also, look into your state's Medicaid for the elderly eligibility requirements.

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