I call my narcissist Mom once a week to try and keep in touch with her.


She never calls me. My brother gave her a calling card, she wouldn't use it.My brother provided her with a cell phone. She is added to his family plan. She doesn't want to use it because it uses up minutes....insert eye roll here.......so she asked me to call her landline. Now I am getting an echo to the point I can hardly talk to her. And I can hardly hear her. I ask her to have my brother check her phones, she says her phone is fine. I talk to Verizon and they assure me it is probably her speaker phone button. She says she doesn't use the button (I know she does). So I tell her I will call you on your cell. She can't find the number for me. I tell her, "give me a call and I will get it." She does, we talk and there is no echo. By now my BP is high and I want to scream at this difficult, unloving excuse for a mother I have.

I live in a different state. I do all calling and whatever traveling there is to be done. I get no love or emotional support from this woman. I just had an anger meltdown yesterday, fortunately she knew nothing about it.

For anyone who reads this, my mother is healthy, drives to the malls every other day, has no dementia and has plenty of money to buy whatever she needs. She is infantile and selfish beyond belief.

I am very frustrated. Thank you for letting me vent.

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I would limit my time on the phone. Immediately, ask her if she is well - yes no question, not open ended. Then you control the conversation - prattle about the weather, because that's a generally safe topic with a narc parent. If she starts talking, say you can't hear her/the line is breaking up, etc and maybe next time you'll have a better connection. Then hang up. Sound harsh? Not as harsh as losing one's sanity.

My mother was elated when her cell phone's ringer stopped working. She didn't want to be "bothered by people calling" and would only need it for emergencies. When asked what if someone needed to contact her in an emergency, she said she could just find out about later, at her convenience.
One day, my dad called saying the car was leaking fluid and he didn't want her driving but she had already gone to her appointment - "you have to call and stop her." Of course, he didn't know where her appt was and she wasn't answering her cell. I finally tracked her down after seven calls. I told her I was calling her a cab and a tow truck. She was furious that I would waste $25 dollars on a cab when I could just come get her. I should've stuck to my guns, but she guilted and obligated me into leaving work, taking a 2-hour lunch (1 hour to get her and srive her home; 1 hour to drive back to work.)
When I picked her up, she informed me she had called my dad and he needed to see the car before they told the wrecker where to take it for repair. She had already told dad I would be bringing her home and could easily pick him up, take him back to the car so he could further inspect it, them bring him back home.
I won't go into the rest of that day because it makes my blood boil just thinking about it. Suffice to say, I spent 7.5 hours carting them around because "you're already here, surely you can just... for your poor, old parents."
Gratitude? Oh no, I got a lecture on how selfish I was, how a gracious daughter would be happy to lend a small, helping hand like this, and how they couldn't believe they'd raised someone so unloving and ungenerous.
Even though I called daily, took them to appts and saw them weekly, helped them with chores, it was never enough. It was the definitive line in the sand for me.
Some people are only here to take other's happiness; protect yourself and insulate yourself any way you can.

I never thought about it much, or realized it until very recently, but from the time I moved out as an adult, my mother hardly ever called. When she and my father retired and moved 3 hours away, she stopped altogether. I would be the one to call. 15 years later, and it's still that way. Even if we send her a gift, I have to call to confirm that she got it. I wasn't raised to behave that way, but I guess she thinks she's special or something?
Ashlynne -- the phrase that drives me batty is when, after I suggest something to my mother, she says, "I'll have to think about that." Translation: I'm going to blow you off completely, and do whatever I want. Arghhh!

Ashlynne, you made me smile, that was my dad's phrase.....all his life.
That old man could talk me into anything from the time I was a little kid. Some tough memories, but many good ones too. Thanks for the flashback.

I've learned the hard way to ignore the statement "I've been thinking ..." because it always ends up being a nightmare for me. The latest is instead of renting a wheelchair (brand new and perfect - $6,000 to buy) let's advertise for and buy a used one. Yep I can just picture it. It would be too big, too small, not comfortable, have something not quite right so I'd have to cart it an hour's drive away to get fixed and it still wouldn't be right. I've learned to stamp on the "I've been thinking"s asap.

Keep calling her once a week, even if the call quality is weak, and just keep moving on with life.

Narcisstic Waif Mother! I too have one. Infantile behavior, cries for the sake of crying, needy, self absorbed, no accountability for bad choices, always everyone elses fault, negative and so forth. I have finally learned how to emotionally detach from her drama. I refuse to be dragged into her self pity and emotional manipulation.

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