I'm totally burnt out and need help!
My 90 year old mother-in-law has mild dementia in a manipulative and controlling way. She was moved from her townhome to a lovely assisted living facility in April after several hospitalizations from a fall and misc. medical issues. Her townhome neighbors were becoming resentful and mentioned assisted living to us on numerous occasions She of course imagined they didn't mind helping her which is contrary to the vibes we got. She has always "called the shots" and wants to be in charge even though she couldn't fight her way out of a wet paper bag. I single handed found the assisted living facility, moved her in, packed up her townhome, pacelled out the contents, hired realtors, sold the home and manged all the business that comes with the transactions of this magnitude. I pay all her bills and take care of all her business and hold Power of Attorney. My husband and her only child has Parkinsons and I am of course with loyalty and love his primary care giver. (I quit a job I loved in June this year to manage all this business and care for my husband). Back to the MIL, she has fought me the whole way on everything.
1. " the help are not even nurses" (she is a retired RN)
2. Why can't I give my own drugs (she tried this and over and under medicated herself for years)
3. Begs for frying pans (nursing home told us she should not use a stove under any circumstances and recently turned the oven on 500 degrees to warm up her apartment) - we had stove/oven unplugged.
4. Lies contanstantly
5. Refuses her biweekly bath and will allow a hair wash maybe once a month.
6. Refuses to eat in the resident dining facility and has trays delivered at an added expense
7. Stays in her night gown all day in a darkened apartment
8. Refuses participation in any and all activities
9. Demands I take her to get her hair done to her old hair dresser 15 miles away (I refuse)
10. Complains about the pastor at the facility. (he does a wonderful job and is a delightful person)
11. Demands we take her to church and continuously badgers us about attending church ourselves
12. Won't get out of bed so they can change her sheets (apartment actually stinks)
13. Refuses to wear her hearing aids even though she is close to deaf - tells us to talk louder. When we do she accuses us of yelling at her.
14. Makes constant remarks that we never come and see her. (once every 7-10 days is all I can handle)
15. Hoardes her mail and fights with us every week to go through the heaps just to pull the bills out so i can pay them.
I could go on and on. Whatever you do it is never enough. The wierd thing is she comes across all sweet and Christian like when in fact she makes manipulative, mean statements under her breath.
I can't take it anymore. My husband is at a loss on how to handle her and is not physically or mentally able to do so. Obviously, it's all falling to me and I am becoming so resentfull I can't be around her.
Please help me before I lose it and really tell her off.