I've hung in there as long as I can, but I no longer know how to deal with my mom's dementia.
My mom is 90 yrs. old. She still drives, lives alone, keeps an immaculate house, cooks, shops, and pays her bills but she has alienated almost every member of our family by accusing them of robbing her. In some cases, she has called the police and reported that certain family members broke into her house, etc. etc. I am the youngest of 4 children and the only one that lives nearby (within 30 minutes). I have a sister that's about 2 hrs away, but she is not able to provide much support - mom has accused all of her children of stealing her things, breaking in her house, cooking and stealing her food. This has been going on for about 4 or 5 years, and I have always been able to get her mind off these things, take her out to eat, shopping, to the dr's etc. She even comes in my shop and volunteers to work 2 or 3 days a week. She dusts, rearranges products, makes lunch, etc. Everyone is amazed at how well she does for her age and the crazy thing is that she acts very normal in front of people. But, most recently, her accusations have escalated to my family. My daughter has paid her cell phone bill for years, my son bought her a new car a few years ago and pays for her insurance and for her grass cutting. I pay her cable and phone bill. She lives on SS and a very small pension. It's just enough to keep her above the limit for qualifying for medicaid or SSI. Her house is paid off, so all she has to pay for is food, gas, electric, water, taxes, homeowner assoc fees and misc expenses, but she's always complaining about money. Well, her latest episode was a shocker. She was in my store and verbally attacked my daughter, accusing her of stealing an outfit (she had on) from her closet. She tried to explain that she gave it to her 2 or 3 yrs ago, but she hollered out "like hell I did". Needless to say, we just sat there in shock. I made the mistake of telling her that her dementia is what's causing her to act like this. Well......she really lost it then, said some hateful things to me, went out and slammed the door and said for us to stay the hell away from her. I've tried to call, stop by, etc. but she clearly wants nothing to do with me now. She told my sister that she's changing the locks on her door so I can't get in and implied that I've been "helping myself too" (but adds that I bring the stuff back when I'm done with it!) I'm at my wits end. Intellectually, I know something is going to have to be done soon, but I just don't want to be the one to do it, nor do I know what to do or at . Iwhat point it needs to be done. I convinced her last dr to put her on meds for dimentia but she quit taking it and said she doesn't have dimentia - I'm the one that started THAT rumor. She takes no other medications, but dr hops and says they're all out for the money and they're stupid and they don't know what they're doing. She has hypochondriatic tendencies, and has all of her life, but the only thing wrong with her, medically, is a constipation problem, which she calls "her blockage" and is convinced she has cancer and they're just missing it. She's such a difficult person to deal with. Right now, I'm backing off, but I know it's not good for her to not have any interactions with other people and could make her worse. She hates where she lives, has no friends and blames me for moving her here 6 yrs ago. She stuck a "for sale" sign in her window and says she's moving out of this damn hell hole, but has no idea where she's going. She refuses to consider any assisted living or nursing home options. She believes there is nothing wrong with her and if there was she will blow her brains out before she would ever go to a nursing home. (She has no gun, she's just talked this way for as long as I can remember) She's obviously had mental health issues forever, with periodic bouts with depression, but nothing very serious and I guess we all just overlooked them, but now that it's at a whole new level, I just don't know what to do. Suggestions will be appreciated.