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My brother takes daily meds for Paranoia Schizephrenia with depression, has been able to hold down a factory job over 35+, and retired in Jan 2016. He's lived alone in his own home, never married and functioned mostly alright. I've been with him through it all and he has the sweetest soul I've ever known. I am his younger sister and the only one he can depend on. Today I'm beside myself with heartbreak and tremendous grief as we start the our journey down this path. I know what's ahead. This website has been very generous and helpful to me.

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Hello Dear Friends,
5/2/16 Update- 1st Thanks & Gratitude for support you've put out to me, you've helped me guide & help my brother immeasurably, more than words can express. He was discharged from hosp on 4/27/16 with specific outpatient care recommendations and coordinated by the hospital social services case manager. My brother requires medication management, access to prepared meals, and structured activities to replace these changes lacking after he retired from working over 35+ years of his adult life. We helped move him into an AL that accepted him and is within his financial means. So far so good. He's adjusted quite well and likes all the accomendations, which has reduced a great deal of stress for both of us. Now we can have a chance to look forward to spending more enjoyable time in the future. All these major life changes came as result of unpredictable behavior that can take us all by surprise as the natural process of aging happens personally and differently for each one of us. I'm grateful that we were well guided, accessed the help desperately needed, and, that my brother feels so much better now, he's been very agreeable to accepting the adjustments necessary. I feel very fortunate there are medications available that can give treatment to the terrible mental illness he has had throughout his life. In and of itself, that, at least has enabled him to live as a productive person in our society.
I'm sure there's still a good learning curve ahead which benefits us all. Hopefully maybe this experience can help another visitor looking for help.
Blessings & Godspeed Dear Friends 💗
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No I am N-O -T a Christian Scientist. Whatever works personally for each person, I believe in live and let live. We've never really had any issues to do with this in our marriage. Apparently our trouble has more to do with communication, idk wtf....?
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Shellshocked is a realistic place to be when it is your own husband sending missiles your way.
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I feel for you, sis, ...
Too overwhelming for words...
Try to keep as calm as possible.
Ending a marriage is not usually a solution you can make on the fly.
Place your brother where they accepted him, the dust will start to settle
And see where things are with your husband.
This needs to be discussed calmly.
Unless this is a recurring issue with him, bringing you to tears is not loving, as speaking to you thru clenched teeth.
Meanwhile, take care of your own health, and hopefully things will get settled.
M88
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Wow. Just wow. The man you are married to really believes that mental illness is something people have control over, and that the still very real stigma of mental illness is not the issue or the reason your brother could not go with plan A. Either he is stressed to the max with his own battles and does not perceive the sheer cruelty of what he just said to you, or he really is a heartless, fair-weather friend type of person...which a true spouse cannot be. Let the dust settle and get into counseling - ideally both of you if there is going to be a chance to save your marriage, or just you if he won't.
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I've not wanted to press upon my husband more than what he feels he can handle so I'm been in this pretty much alone, going to keep him company 6 days out of 8, husband went once w/o me being there. I've stayed in the local area while my husband is 1&1/2 hr away at our home. I've relayed bits and pieces by texting b/c It seemed easier. We'd agreed b/f going to hosp we'd bring him to the AL his social worker's preferred 1st recommendation. Husb and I took a moment to discuss privately, I asked him "How would you decide if it were your Mom?" He literally growled with clenched teeth at me "My mother would be going to a Christian Science home and I've had it with this family of yours!!" Going to the Christian Science home was NOT one of the options available b/c my bro isn't a CS, neither would they accept him, nor would it benefit him to go b/c they don't allow their patients to take medicines of any variety... I've been completely shell shocked since 1:30pm this afternoon. I've been going steadily alright each step of the way til today. We drove to 2nd AL place w/o speaking, it looked fine and agreeded to give it a try if my brother is acceptable to them.
Now unfortunately I am now giving very serious thought to ending my marriage.
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Here's a quick update: My brother's ready to be released from senior behavioral health at hosp, their recommendation is for him to go to assisted living. He & I are both are agreeable. Hosp social worker is helping us, however b/c of his mental illness diagnosis our options of places that will accept him have b/c very limited. His diagnosis is: Neurocognitive Disorder/Mild Cognitive Impairment, Anxiety unspecified, Schizophrenia, paranoid type, r/o Schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type, Nicotine use disorder, has not smoked during current hospitalizization. He req supervision of med management. Ystdy at the hosp they told me I needed to make a decision where he'll be go when discharged today. We went to pick him up to got to one of the AL places they had presented to us, but this morning big WHOOPS-nope they won't accept him b/c of his Schizophrenia....! He was ready to get on with doing everything they are reccomending and looking forward to leaving today. I couldn't bear to face him myself with the let down, and hosp couldn't even get anyone from any AL place to showup to do eval in such a short amt of time. Now my husband if fed up with "my family" po'd at me & growled at me through clenched teeth. I'm in tears now, sorry to say.,,,
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Hi Mulata88 & My Friends,
Thanks for asking, my brother has been receiving the care and treatment he requires. This past week has been progress for him, I'm so -so, doing whatever needs to be done, and here for the long haul. It's been draining as h*ll, more challenges as obviously changes will lay ahead.
God Bless, sis
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How are you doing?
How's your brother?

M88
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Friends,
Thankfully, he was admitted to the senior behavioral unit last night, I'll be seeing him everyday to reinforce his treatment. Sendme2, yes I'm expecting he'll require increased care level as an outpatient and forward down the road which we will comply with gratefully. I've come to accept adjustments in life as the new "normal".
Updates to follow, ttu soon all (((💛)))
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Call in the patient's rights advocate to arrange a coordination of medical care, preferably by a geriatric psychiatrist or specialist. which is his right. Sheesh! He is a human being, not separated by different doctors, different diagnoses, and different treatments. Be patient for the meds to start to work, 3 days, then 7 days.
Outpatient discharge should include medication supervision where ever he goes, home, placement, or supervised living arrangements.

Any investment, even $300 now for a geriatric second opinion by a highly recommended specialist can design a treatment for others covered by insurance to continue for him. Otherwise, he may be subject to a routine protocol of meds not suited to him.

I have seen patients not able to speak recover in 7 days, then be released in 3 weeks! There is hope, he should have hope! Contact NAMI to have a peer counselor visit him for free.
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Yes absolutely I know without a doubt prayerful thoughts help,TIA. Great reminder to keep a calm heart. I sure will continue to update here as we evolve from here, waiting for answer on admission.
Take care all.
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Please send us messages as you can.
We will be here for you.
If you believe that prayer helps, pray sincerely for a calm heart.
M88
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GardenArtist-yes he loves being out doors, wildlife, fishing etc, he could keep busy doing something volunteering but he's got psych mental issues and requires direction and attention for senior abilities. He's in an obsessive downward unending depressive right now so doubtful finding any sort of fit right now. I feel he need psych supervision and intensive outpatient therapy geared to seniors with lifelong mental health issues.
Sendme2help-yes perhaps a group environment would be possible, would appreciate being pointed in that direction if poss from here by Psch dept...? I too feel improvement is quite possible, just need some specific support to get there. He agrees he needs help and is okay with me having brought him here, we're waiting patiently to go with whatever they advise us to do. Thou here at hosp they said his primary care doc is one that treats for dementia, unfortunately his Doc had to retire b/c of Parkinson's and we've had hurdles linking up with new primary Doc referral. PBJ & Peace Out
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Very glad you are getting a full evaluation to see what you are really dealing with, which hopefully leads to getting the increased level of support he is going to need.
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My dH is also a sweet soul, requires supervision, but he is so functional few believe it and would have to live with him to see it and be able to support him without taking away his independence.
The progression of dementia is different for everyone-reading that on AC for a year now. Unless you are no longer able to 'supervise' your brother and be there for him, he may improve and you will be surprised. Just when I am ready to consider placement, my dH turns himself around.
Do you have a separate life of your own, or is this it for you?
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Group home, board and care calling it a retirement home may help.
Meds can help but you are correct to take him for help when he is not medication compliant. A board and care can give him his meds.
The smaller homes (RCFE) with six beds are not institutional-like, you can see him there often.
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Sis, CWillie raised some good questions and offered good suggestions.

Even if someone doesn't have long term mental issues, the process of separating from the work force, from losing that routine and interaction, can be cause for anxiety and fear, as well as depression.

Does he have hobbies or interests? Could he join a club for those hobbies or interests, if not to participate just to meet others? Could he do volunteer work, such as delivering Meals on Wheels? It's a good way to meet others, even just for short periods of time, and provides a very rewarding experience to those who extend themselves to homebound people.

If he likes animals perhaps he would enjoy volunteering at an animal shelter. That would provide the double reward of contact with furry critters, which has been shown to lower BP in humans.

If you can find something to regularly substitute for his former employment, it will help take his mind off the transition to retirement.

The psych staff might even know of some support groups.

In the meantime, you might want to create a detailed financial plan, with projections, and perhaps when he's medication compliant you can review it to help him understand what his situation really is, addressing only one issue at a time and limiting the amount of data to absorb.

That financial anxiety isn't limited to those with mental issues though; people who don't have pensions and find themselves living on 1/2 of what they earned while working also face a lot of concern and financial restriction. But I would imagine it assumes a more frightening prospect for someone with some mental issues.
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Thank you guys, found him at home non-medication compliant, now I need to go and take him to psych hosp today. God Bless all the psych workers.
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I completely understand. Descriptions of mental illness are at best lacking. A person can only "get it" by living through it. There are no pat answers and the "med's maze" is daunting. I just go one day at a time with hope that my mom might occasionally have a good day. :(
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Thank you so much for your response cwillie,
Exactly right everything you said about losing the structure in his daily life, He's bored and lonely, spends the day obsessing and over magnifying perceived "problems" to do with the transition changes. He believes he's going to lose his home because he's "going broke", isn't paying enough taxes and will owe more money, won't be able to pay for health care through Medical, won't be able to afford Rx's medications he needs, made a mistake by retiring, etc on and on. I assure and reassure him everyday everything has been done correctly, none these "problems" exist. I've made sure he has everything that he requires in these regards are properly prepared. I'm currently setting him up for Psych counseling support and networking for him to involve himself volunteering doing the things that interest him but he's so anxiety ridden nothing registers, he can only relate to the present, he doesn't have a capacity to accept future plans. Everything is a crisis. Nothing I tell him sticks more than momentairly, I have to remind him continuely we've already done this or that or have appointments to resolve issues. I have confidence and faith I can get him transitioned but his emotional level of patience is non existent. I see him once a week and talk on the phone several times a day, but he hasn't answered the phone yesterday or today 4/16. I'm calling someone to go over to see if his car is parked outside. Three years ago he was in the psyc unit of the hospital and I'd called asking for him but they kept telling me he wasn't admitted because he was on some sort of non identifiable list. Thank you so much for listening cwillie
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Sis, what exactly do you fear is coming? It seems that despite his mental illness he has been able to function well most of his life. Losing the structure of going to work will have been difficult for him, just as it is for thousands of others. I imagine that has exacerbated his depression, which may have caused him to be less diligent about taking his meds... the endless spiral. What exactly makes you think he has early dementia? Tell us more.

What do you imagine is about to happen? People are rarely hauled away against their will and locked up in today's society if that is what you fear. Although he is still young, he may benefit from some type of assisted living arrangement where his meds are monitored and he has the ability to socialize. When he is stable he may be interested in some kind of activity to give meaning to his days, joining a club or volunteering for example.
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