Boundaries...we all learn how important they are in family caregiving....

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Have you received strange reactions from your problem relatives such as Narcissists, Sociopaths, Borderline Personality Disorders...tell your stories!

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I’ll start. I preceded to assert my boundaries concerning abusive, screaming ‘accusations’ from my father (88 year old COPD suffer and suspected dementia...world class narcissist too.)

When he’d scream at me I’d leave the room. I’d go home to my own house as soon as possible. The 20 abusive telephone calls were hung up on and then I blocked dad’s number.

He announced that I was unhinged and he’d put me in the psychiatric hospital, like he did my mother.

My next of kin is my husband. It’s comforting to know just how ignorant he is about law. Yes, I’m going to continue my boundaries. I love them!
My BIL convinced his parent"s to buy and move into a pricey home near their (BILs) daughter, and for him to pay ALL the bills while his wife still works. They would "take care of him and MIL".. As my FIL said at a interview for placement for his wife.. "I guess we just never asked how long it would be convient".. Now FIL and BIL (unemployed) try to get my hubs to go over all the time and "do things".. Nope,, not happening. My mom still lives with us, and we also take care of the FILs vacay home.. Hubs is still POd about not being asked about the move, and now being guilted into "helping" We take FIL to the vacay home, and other places.. but not helping at the BILs "New House"!
PamZimmrrtt—This story reminds me to be grateful I and DH are ‘only’ children!
Narcissism.. Finally, opened my eyes to this awful burden. Most of my life I’ve been dealing with a narcissistic family. My husband and children helped me see this in my life and break the ties that bind. The book “Will I Ever Be Good Enough” helped me immensely. It rings so true to my childhood family and I can’t wait to gain knowledge on this subject even further, it helps to relieve the pain and guilt. Now setting my boundaries and holding my ground.
Thank God for DHs😊
Amen to that spiritdancer, my DH has shown me more about love, compassion, kindness and boundaries than I ever thought possible, my psycho, selfish, narcissistic manipulating family hate us together because I have learned all the above and much more, my DH introduced me to my Saviour and Lord. When I need him to he will step in and tell them, that's it no more, she is my wife and you will not treat her that way, I am just now at the end of my week off, since the 1st 3 days were full of calls trying to show who the real boss is by my dad, I get an extra 3 days reprieve. My husband is the head of me because Christ is the head of him. Unfortunately they don't share that peace.
My stepmom had a wonderful way of shutting down all of the people who told her what she was doing wrong to care for my dad 24/7 - his siblings, the minister of their church, friends. She would thank them heartily for their advice, grab her calendar, and ask which days they were going to come in to care for him or drive him to the doctor. They back pedaled pretty quickly and shut up. Or some actually found themselves making a commitment for an afternoon so she could get out. Unfortunately they tended to find out it wasn't so easy to care for someone with early stages of dementia (they thought he was just fine) when the lunch gets thrown to the floor when he rages about something or the same question 100 times, or......... The advice stopped.
Caregiving unearths the saddest stuff. For all parties. It is the true loss of innocence.

Slightly absurd — when you consider that most of us stepped into caregiving in middle age or later. But true nonetheless.
So true Blackhole. My father had kids later in life, so I was a caregiver since my teens.

My mother is famous for using guilt on us kids. I could have thrown you away, you owe me, I suffered because of you and the list goes on.

I am a desperate people please my whole life, I didn't even know what boundaries were. Constantly feeling hurt for giving too much and getting so little in return.

It's okay to say no and its okay not to want to do all the caregiving. I hope I am getting a bit better about protecting myself.
Great thread, HolidayEnd! Last week, I learned a lot about narcissism and how that's the reason my sisters have made my live-in caregiving a hell. I try not to talk with Sister 1 who's not happy unless she's outraged about something, usually me and outrages that she makes up. My big boundary? I've talked to both sisters that I want to go home. We're in the "just touched on this issue" stage and we'll get together tomorrow to really discuss selling Mom's house and what's to happen (may the gods help me).

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