Re-adjusting after mom is in a nursing home (both mom and I).
Mom went in the nursing home in August, prior to that I was her caregiver for over eight years, worked from home, we lived together and I limited my activities outside of the house. It's been months and it still feels awkward, I can do what I want now. I haven't been out of town, because I am afraid she might need something.
She has always been jealous of time I spent with friends, activities I did outside the house. It is worse now. I recently helped with a political campaign and she makes comments like "another thing for you to do." "You will get busy with them and won't have time for me." She also expects me to be at the nursing home often. I am glad she has great care there, she hates it and gets mad at me, because I won't let her come home. She isn't pleasant to be around and is very negative. I don't want to go see her, but I force myself. I don't think she will ever come home to stay. She can't transfer alone, frequent falls, most of her eyesight is gone. I think she makes me feel guilty that she is "stuck" there and I have freedom. This fits her personality, pre nursing home as well. I tell her all the time, I still have to work 8-10 hours a day, have a house to take care of and I need rest (cancer survivor with long term chemo issues).
I am the only child local to her and the others don't call her. I don't want to be mean to her, but she brings out the worst in me when she complains and is so negative. I know I visit her more often than other residents get visits, but it is so hard to go and listen to the negativity. I think nursing homes should have caregiver support groups and also provide material to families that will help them go through this process.
What can I do to help her understand that I have a life and need to spend time with friends and doing activities? She is so jealous and she has never had many friends, kind of a loner.