Big news! Finally got folks into care!!


I’ve been on the forum for awhile. What I have learned here was a great help getting me through this. Quick rundow:

I’m 63 yr old guy, last living kid

Been managing money, medical, the whole sinking ship for 5 years from 3 states away.

Mom with health/mobility issues

Dad with dementia which started increasing rapidly in the last few weeks.

Been dealing with all the nightmares, worries and problems so familiar to us all

Last week the big crisis, mom fell, head injury, Em room, then to hosp for testing and observation.

She was found by my cousin, a nurse, who just happen to stop by from out of state. There was blood all over the floor and her bed. Mom and dad were just going to tough it out. I JUST NEED TO REST A LITTLE. I had just been on the phone with mom an hour before she fell.

Jumped in car, 10 hour drive, had to get friends and neighbors to watch Dad till I got here.

Been running my ass off since, begging and paying people to watch Dad,

got mom in wonderful facility Tuesday

Took Dad to have lunch with mom today. Put another bed and his stuff in the room while they were eating.

When I left she was dozing in bed and dad asleep in his chair.

We are playing the JUST TILL MOM GETS BETTER game for now. I know I’ve still got some rough stuff ahead but this is huge! The staff in this place is amazing.

I cannot describe my relief.

Thanks to all you folks for listening to my tales of woe the last couple years.

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AND, Spent the morning cancelling phone, trash pickup, newspaper, transferred funds, and will be rolling home for holidays tomorrow.

Yay, home for the holidays!!! Well done, Windy!

Director of the facility tells me not worry about a phone, especially if it doesn’t seem to be an issue with my folks. She said with both having some dementia and as busy as they are kept in the place it won’t be an issue. Lots of folks get phone lines activated then regret it.

I can call the house number anytime and they will bring a cordless to mom.

Got the paper cancelled, address change done (on line. Who knew?) pulled the GPS tracker off dads car and cancelled that service, (That was just the greatest thing for the last couple of years) phone cut off and garbage pickup cancelled.

Banking today then maybe head home for the holiday tomorrow.

Thanks golden. That’s the way I’m leaning at the moment.

windy -there may be so much new going on for them that the phone call from you fades into the background. Combine that with increasing cognitive issues and they already have more than they can cope with. Their life is different now. People are caring for them, they can socialize, they are not alone in their home any more. I would let it be for now anyway.

Golden, that’s my feeling so far. However mom is used to me calling and checking in every day. I guess I could make arrangements with staff to use a house cordless phone, call me and give the phone to mom for a chat occasionally.  I will check on that.

And, mom is already falling, forgets to hit her pedant button for her aide. Dads dementia is going off the charts. He’s just in the moment now. I could tell he had to think for a minute this am to figure out who I was.

So maybe not worth the hassles to get room phone.

Windy, you have passed the test with flying colors on how to logistically get things ready :)

Ah, the telephone. My Dad had a landline telephone in his room, and the connection was to the facility automatic switchboard. Yep, Dad to remember a new telephone number, and Dad was like me, we just could not remember telephone numbers. So I had to tape the telephone number and his new address to the lamp next to his landline. The facility provided the landline phone which had really BIG numbers.

What was tough was for my Dad to remember to dial "9" first before making any outside calls. Eventually he got the hang of it.

The only junk calls he got were to the previous renter of his apartment. Thankfully there weren't very many.

Dad had to pay a telephone fee for the rental and use of the phone, he wasn't charged for any long-distance calls.

Oh, cable TV.... Dad had to bring his own cable ready TV... the cable set up was free [really not free if you consider the monthly rent !!!]. The remote provided was fairly easy to use, but Dad every now and then would mess it up. Maintenance would gladly come in to re-set the TV :)

Having been through a situation in which Dad had to stay at an ALF for 4 days when his house was w/o power, I found it very inconvenient and unsettling not to be able to call him. He felt the same way. There's no way I could have dealt with this on a long term basis.

There might be a time when your folks suddenly feel isolated from you and the family, and w/o a phone they couldn't reach out. Nor could you get an update on what they might need that the AL doesn't supply.

In addition, with so many neighbors concerned, they may want to call or visit.

I would have a land line installed. They're going to get scam calls even with a new number, so I'd keep the existing number but ask the phone provider about a call blocker. Maybe one of the helpful neighbors (or the trooper) could periodically visit and block the scam calls, which are easy to spot with such clever names as "unknown caller".

Windy - last year I cancelled my mother's phone in the ALF. She was using it less and less for cognitive reasons I think, and also mobility. She never said a word about it. If your folks aren't asking for a phone, I would not install one. Let it be and see what happens. You are doing great!!!

I’m ahead of you guys FF and GA. When I leave next week there will be no mail coming, no paper, (already done) water main off, heat WAY down, fridge cleaned out with door propped open and unplugged, lamps with LED bulbs on, keys to car and house hidden in garage for nephew in emergency, cop neighbor is already on alert, and everyone in the state of West Virginia has my contact info.

I’m going to have all mail redirected to me. The AL will also accept mail for residents, sort it out, throw out junk, and give important stuff to me, and cards etc to mom. But I don’t want to risk that. Lots if potential for screw ups.

Need advice on the phone. They can’t use a cell, can barely use a landline. This facility is set up where I have to arrange for a land line connection like you would any other residence.  Bill in my name and so forth. So,
Do I:

Go with no phone? They haven’t made a peep yet about WHERES THE PHONE.   

Have local phone co connect land line?

Keep old number? Along with 25 scam calls per day ?

Get new number?

What do most people do with a similar situation as mine?

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