Between my job, the worst week ever and my bed bound sister, I am going crazy. Thanks for listening.

Started by

My sister can do more for herself and us than she is willing to do. She could get her own drink from the fridge and help fold towels, but she doesn't. And I had the worst week of my life with my job. I will be lucky if I keep it and don't get my boss fired in the process. Add my physical problems and mix up for a recipe for disaster. And no I can't get a caregiver. I am the caregiver.


Relax, deep breaths.....Write your sister a letter..a nice one, asking for help. Let her know that you hope you have been a good help to her, but now YOU need help. Explain in detail the little things she could do for herself that would help lessen your stress. Ask her to be a sounding board (if she is of good mind) for your work issues for stress relief as well. Maybe she just doesn't realize that you NEED help. Maybe it would be good for her to be needed as well.
AnnieMule, are you enabling your sister's behavior? For example, you are certain she can get her own beverages. Well then, you aren't getting them for her, are you? If you don't do for her the things you are certain she could do, isn't she going to have to do them, or do without? It is generally good for people to do as much as they can. Enabling her to be more of an invalid than she needs to be is not good for her and it certainly isn't good for you.
I know what you are talking about, Annie. Some people depend too much on other people. But it isn't good for her or for you. You get overtaxed and resentful and she has the extra depression that goes with being unproductive. Is there a way that you could make her want to get more engaged? Is she able to get around at all, such as in a wheelchair? There has to be some way to get her to start living her life. If she is a similar age to you, she is much too young to give it all up.
Thank you,BoniChak, JeaneGibbs and JessieBell. My sister is 69 and I am 62. She can walk, but is unsteady. Right now with the physical therapy I see her getting stronger. As for enabling, I did a lot of that when we moved here, but now I don't hover so much. I try not to interfere when she talks to the dr, but I do when I disagree or have a better memory for something. I have asked a few simple things for her to do since I am over taxed. She does listen to my work problems, but she doesn't understand me and I get more frustrated trying to get her to understand. I usually can break things down for people so they understand, but not the stuff from the next to the worst week ever. Thank you for caring.
Sending you a cyber hug (((((( AnnieMule))))) . Take a bath. Listen to some soft music and have a little dark chocolate. This to shall pass.

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

Please enter your Comment

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support