smeshque Posted January 2018
Believing caregivers, how do I reconcile that scripture says to put others before me whereas the secular world says put me first?
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Sigh....
Mom has been having a rough time with the weather. The cold is not her friend. I have ran out of local outings to take her. And road trips are out until spring. So keeping her busy is such a chore right now. But, she has continued to ride her exercise bike, which is good since we can't get out and walk in this weather. However we try and go to different stores like Lowes and just walk around inside for a while. It
helps. I have gotten her eating a little better, baby steps. It has been quite rough being mostly her only social. Quite rough. I love her dearly.
Heaviness in the heart of man maketh it stoop: but a good word maketh it glad.
Proverbs 12:25
A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day, a small opening appeared. He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole.
Then, it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could and it could go no further.
So the man decided to help the butterfly. He took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon.
The butterfly then emerged easily, but it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings.
The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time.
Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly.
What the man, in his kindness and haste, did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were God's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.
Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our lives too. If God allowed us to go through our lives without any obstacles, we would not be as strong as what we could have been.
"I asked for strength, and God gave me difficulties to make me strong.
I asked for wisdom, and God gave me problems to solve.
I asked for prosperity, and God gave me a brain and brawn to work.
I asked for courage, and God gave me danger to overcome.
I asked for love, and God gave me troubled people to help.
I asked for favors, and God gave me opportunities.
I received nothing I asked for but everything I needed!"
Psalms 34:15
Matthew 5:4
That last poem almost brought tears to my eyes. It is beautiful.
Thank you for sharing it!
God put me here to care for you,
with all my might that's what I'll do.
I know for you that this is rough,
that getting through each day is tough.
But, what about me?
I alter each and every day,
To fulfill your needs in every way.
I have no time that is not yours,
Any spare time is filled with chores.
I know life is hard as you walk through,
Each day getting harder for you to do.
But, what about me?
But, what about me, I want to say,
Feeling lost and forgotten every day.
Consumed with caring for another,
Especially hard when she is your Mother.
But, what about me, I too have needs.
I am a newspaper that nobody reads.
I am at best an afterthought.
I am weary and tired and tears I've fought.
But, what about me, I scream inside.
I fight the tears of my patience being tried.
But, what about me, I desperately seek,
A grateful kiss upon the cheek.
A pat on the back for a job well done.
An uplifting smile and laughter and fun.
But, what about me?
What about me, how can I not see.
The King of the world died for me.
He left his perfect home, his throne,
To die upon the cross alone.
In His eyes I am a queen,
All my labor to him is seen.
He wipes my tears,
He calms my fears.
My cries are always heard,
He gives me comfort in His word.
He gives me strength from day to day,
When I fail, He loves me anyway.
Oh what matchless love
descending from above,
Because it was me he loved.
That's what about me.
-Anonymous-
Psalms 55:22
Luke 6:28
As I come into the presents of the Holy land;
I am reminded of wench I came;
Purest is every grain of soil;
This dirt in which we'd stand;
God has said to us..trust
As you walk
Stop and take off
Take off those shoes you have on for the ground you walk
You walk on is Holy Ground
As I come before the house of God;
At I look upon the doorway;
My hand grasp and turns the knob;
In a thunderous voice My Lord said
Stop Keep thy foot when thou go into the house of God
Put off thy shoes from thy feet: for the place where you stand is holy ground.
As I come into the presents of the Holy land;
Men rage in battles, they have plans;
I am reminded of wench I came;
Purest is every grain of soil and clay water's drain;
This dirt in which I stand in the presents of the Holy One;
God has said to us..trust
As you walk
Stop and take off
Take off those shoes you have on for the ground you walk
You walk on is Holy Ground
12/30/18
written words by James Edward Lee Sr.2018
inspired by Ecclesiastes 5:1-Exodus3:5-Joshua5:15
I've dreamed many a dream that never came true
I've seen them vanish at dawn
But I've realized enough of my dreams, thank, God,
to make me want to dream on
I've prayed many prayers when no answer came
Though I waited patiently long
But answers have come to enough of my prayers
To make me want to keep praying on
I've trusted many a friend that failed
And left me to weep alone
But I've found enough of my friends true blue
To make me keep trusting on
I've sown many seed that fell by the way
For the birds to feed upon
But I've held enough golden sheaves in my hand
To keep me sowing on
I've drained the cup of disappointment and pain
And gone many days without a song
But I've sipped enough nectar from the roses of life
To make me want to live on.
Anonymous
He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.
1 John 4:7-8
We were going to town today, and it was so cloudy, but then the sun shone through at different times as the clouds passed. It was glorious and felt so good on my face, so warm and reviving. It made me think how when our lives get cloudy, we know God is above those clouds, waiting to shine through. And that our clouds will pass and He will shine on us. But, the comfort is knowing that the Lord is always above the clouds. If we look hard enough we can see it. He is always there with His light, just for us, just when we need it. He loves us so much. May we love Him back.
2 Corinthians 5:17
Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
Blessed, that, you certainly are! You have received the blessing of understanding the meaning of “love each other as I have loved you”. You have chosen hard over easy, sacrificing over self satisfaction, giving over receiving.
Is it easy? FAR from it! we all can attest to that. Are we able to do it perfectly all the time? Absolutely not, we get tired, very tired, emotionally specially. We don’t always know if what we are doing is the best, we run out of patience and physical and mental strength, but in our heart we know all we do is out of love and our desire to follow Christ’s footsteps, even if very imperfectly.
Of course it is true that in order to be able to accomplish what we want to accomplish we do need to take care of ourselves to the best of our abilities, of course much easier said than done, but we have to try because it is true that if we don’t take care of ourselves, we won’t be able to be there for who we want to take care of.
It does sound like you have a lot, more than most, on your plate and a heavy weight on your shoulders. Is it possible that you may be overlooking some options -which may include outsourcing help- or just potential small changes that could help you lessen a little your daily chores and more importantly allow you to focus some of your time and energy on your own projects and life?
I know based on experience that many times when we are so absolutely involved in a situation, specially a care giving situation we tend to think there’s no other way of doing things than what we are doing because we feel we are doing our best, even if barely making it. But sometimes taking a few steps back we get to realize that there are some choices -small or large parts of out routine- that we could and need to change.
We need some oxygen, and that means anything that allows us to breath in hope and positivism!
Everybody needs that oxygen, and it has different meanings for each one of us. You are so young Blessed, your life is really just starting and you’ve devoted a beyond fair share and number of years to caregiving.
Your heart is without any doubt very generous, but out of human compassion towards yourself I’d encourage you to look for ways and ideas to allow yourself to start building your own life, your future Blessed, along with caring for others.. For example, would you like to have kids? If so it’d be a great idea for you to make some time for socializing, there is nothing wrong with that. Also, (and again, talking based on my personal experience) you may benefit from receiving some therapy, dealing with a mother with a personality disorder, specially narcissism or bipolarism, plus all else you’ve had to face, definitely affects one’s perception of life, of others and of ourselves. It is very important to take care of our mental health, so we can be sure that all the decisions we make are appropriate, well thought out and fair to everybody.
Summarizing, my advice to you is not to put your own life completely in the back burner because as true as it is that serving others and putting others before ourselves is the perfect response to loving each other as He has and will always love us, it is also true that our Lord in His immense generosity is always willing to help us and rejoices with our joy and successes, and He I am sure is always willing to help us so that we don’t wake up one day feeling empty with no dreams realized aside from the great satisfaction of having being loving an generous. I’m sure our Father would sponsor you in any attempt to combine your mission of service with the accomplishment of some of your personal dreams and goals as that would be a perfect and complete way of realizing yourself as a person and as a Christian, I think all can fit as part of God’s plan in your life.
May God keep blessing you every day and may He enlighten and protect you dear Blessed!
Psalms 113:3
Is it worldly to have boundaries?
Is it worldly to say 'no'?
God has definite boundaries and says 'No'- a LOT.
If you are of His household, then yes - you will be trained and tested. You will not, though, be inflicted any pain without a specific purpose for your soul's good. There will be times and seasons that are tough as nails... and breathing spaces.
He is not an 'angry God'... far from it.
If you are slipping into a depression... it sounds to me like you have de-selfed -thinking that is somehow pleasing in His sight. (How does that speak well of His character and trustworthiness as a Father to His children?!)
So many other gospels twist things around, especially towards women. Golly do they have it wrong. God Most High has no favorites - male or female.
Cry out to Him to teach you Who He really is. Listen for His voice (you know it if you are His) and obey by faith. Be restored by Him- not cast down by lies. You have infinite value, are precious in His sight, and are loved.
We can waste a lot of time doing what we think God wants of us, or what other people tell us we should do... and using our intellect instead of ( not by our senses whatsoever )walking by the obedience of faith in what He tells us to do and then waiting.... and waiting .... (like a maidservant looks to the hand of her mistress) until He instructs us further. It is a lonely, narrow walk - but you are never really 'alone.'
First of all please remember that you are not alone.
Same as you and Smeshque I have nobody that I can count on to care for me when I am older or ill, I’m an only child, no kids, not married and currently a sole caregiver.
The caregiving path is incredibly hard as I am sure you know, to the point where people that are not caregivers normally have no clue about what our life entails, which isolates us.
So, for us caregivers it is very easy to fall deeply into depression, which sounds very similar to what you may be experiencing Jenny.
If we are able to recognize that we are depressed we can get out of the depression hole, which is like a dark tornado that can easily pull and push us down if we don’t find a way to fight it. We need help and even medication to get out of it and we MUST seek it Jenny!
When we look at our future and all we see is darkness and all we want is to be released from the torture life has become or has the full potential to become, we are definitely depressed and we owe it to ourselves to try to find a way out!
Also, it is important to remember that life is really a series of actions and consequences. You said your husband is 80 and you 55, well when you married him you knew there would be a large age gap and likely foresaw that you could end up becoming his caregiver although you may not have guessed that caregiving is as hard as it really is, nobody guesses that. So, what life has become in a way is a result of our choices, and I don’t say this to upset you, but because I think it helps a lot to put things into perspective to then be able to handle life better.
Many of us thought our life would be one way yet it turns into something very different than what we thought it would be, which in my case for example relates to having children, I thought I’d have many children running around! because as an only child I craved a big family, yet life is different and I have had to made peace with that and find excitement towards what my future holds (different than my dreams) .
As a matter of fact and based on experience Jenny those unexpected life turns are the ones that help us realize our PURPOSE..IF we are able to face our reality and free ourselves from regrets and sadness. At least that is what I am experiencing.
You are only 55! so many pages of your life to be written ahead of you Jenny! although you may feel tired and ready to write the last chapter, you still have plenty of opportunities to change your direction in life! Even now, where you are and like you are,. Believe me! If you make the determination to make small changes to your daily life, starting with your thinking which defines who and how we are and ultimately help us find your purpose (other than caregiving) your life WILL change, trust me. It just requires you freeing up your mind a little from sadness and fear.
Life is such a powerful GIFT! it’s a gift that brings with it many others. And we are called to find out which our gifts are, are you loving and patient? Are you good in the kitchen? Do you like science? Are you a good gardener? Maybe have a good eye for beauty? Are you creative?
Which are your gifts Jenny?
Once we start working on identifying our gifts AND using them, we start feeling realized. Content versus depressed! And the good thing is, we ALL have gifts, things that God made us so talented for and that become our calling.
Lastly but most importantly, if you came to this thread is because you believe in God, right? Please allow yourself to feel Him covering you with His immense love!
PRAY, talk to Him with your most honest heart, tell Him you need Him and you want to place in His hands all this unbearable weight life feels like.
Pray for peace in your heart, over anything else.
Pray every day, pray when you feel your strength is failing, pray when you are tempted to think about life in a pessimistic way. Pray always!
Your situation may not change but YOU will! GOD BLESS YOU JENNY!!