Believing caregivers, how do I reconcile that scripture says to put others before me whereas the secular world says put me first?

Trust in God with all your heart.

Proverbs 27:12 The prudent sees danger and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it.

2 Timothy 3:7 Always learning and never able to arrive at a knowledge of the truth.

Exodus 18:18-19 “But Moses’ father-in-law said to him, “What you are doing is not good. Surely you and these people with you will wear yourselves out, because the task is too heavy for you. You cannot handle it alone.”

Psalm 27:13-14 Yet I am confident I will see the Lord’s goodness while I am here in the land of the living. Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.

Psalm 130:5 I am counting on the Lord; yes, I am counting on him. I have put my hope in his word.

Psalm 40:1-2  I waited patiently for the LORD to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along.

Nice to see you on here Smeshque!

Hi everyone,
I hope you all are well. It has been a rough year thus far around here anyway. Mom is just recovering from being extremely ill for almost a month. It was awful and I am so thankful she is ok now, I didn't know for a while how it would go.

I have about a month before I return to school after the summer break, I hope it will all go well.

I just wanted to check in with you all and let you all know I think of your often, I pray for you often and I miss you often.

I hope all is well in your worlds, as well as can be.
Please keep me and Mom in your prayers.

Psalm 18:32 It is God that girdeth me with strength, And maketh my way perfect.

"Hold On To Me"

When the best of me is barely breathin'
When I'm not somebody I believe in
Hold on to me

When I miss the light the night has stolen
When I'm slammin' all the doors You've opened
Hold on to me
Hold on to me

Hold on to me when it's too dark to see You
When I am sure I have reached the end
Hold on to me when I forget I need You
When I let go, hold me again

When I don't feel like I'm worth defendin'
When I'm tired of my pretendin'
Hold on to me

When I start to break in desperation
Underneath the weight of expectation
Hold on to me
Hold on to me

Hold on to me when it's too dark to see You
When I am sure I have reached the end
Hold on to me when I forget I need You
When I let go, hold me again

I could rest here in Your arms forever
'Cause I know nobody loves me better
Hold on to me
Hold on to me

I am feeling particularly anxious today so I thought I'd come here and see if I could find any thoughts that mirrored my own. Your post hit the nail on the head. And even though it's over 3 years old, I thought I'd respond anyway.

I feel like I'm fighting anxiety and depression all the time while working hard to keep it from friends and family. I am constantly reminding myself that Christ calls us to serve others yet at the same time yearn to have at least part of my life back where I have more freedom. We're told to find it pure joy when faced with trials. I surely wish I could feel joyful. Prayer and reading the Bible are what keep me going. I don't always "feel" God's presence but I know His promises and that gives me comfort.
I'm especially thankful for this site. Nobody but those who are caregivers know the layers and layers of struggles and emotions that go into caring for an elderly loved one.

smeshque - so good to hear from you. I was wondering how you were doing since you have not posted for quite some time.

Sorry to hear about AB having episodes. I just can't imagine having to carry your load. Really, that's a lot. Take care smeshque.

Thank you, Smeshque

I will never forget your support and kindness! 💗

I am at peace knowing that mom is reunited with my daddy in heaven. She was ready to be with Jesus.

We are burying her ashes in our family plot this weekend.

Hello Dear Friends,
I miss you all so much. You are all always in my prayers and my heart. You are and have been such a vital part of my strength and endurance. I love you all so much!

NHWM- Much love Dear friend, my condolences.

Send- I love the poems and scriptures.

To all of you, I hope that you are all doing well, and hanging in there with grace.

We just got back from taking Mom to see a sister she hadn't seen in 30 years or more. It was such a blessing for her. It was a long tiring journey and I am SO happy to be home, but I am glad she had a wonderful time, that is what mattered.

I just finished up this semester with all A's, even in chemistry which I was terrified I would do so poorly in. God really helped me through it. I received my Associates and am continuing on this fall towards my BSN. We shall see what God has in store. I will tell you that going to school at this time in my life has been possibly foolish, and super difficult. But, with God's help I am managing.

AB had 2 more episodes. We finally hired some help for him, because Mom is my priority and well I just cannot do it all, you all have taught me that. :)
Mom is doing well, God really takes good care of that woman. She has a check up next week.
The goats are so cute and quite therapeutic for me. I just love having them as pets. DH says we will not worry about milking until I have completed school. That is a load off. The babies still drink, so Moms are not going to get mastitis or anything and I keep a watchful eye on them. But, I just love them so much, they are a blessing.
This year is going by so fast.
One thing we did on our trip was stop by Helen Kellers birthplace. I have always had an admiration for her and Anne, God's hand is written all over her story.
It made me cry.

Well Dear Friends I will try to be back as often as I can and hopefully can have a conversation :) XOXOXOXOXOXOX

" The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart."
Helen Keller

Even if you do it wrong
And miss the joy I've planned....

I'll Never Let Go of Your Hand
by
Don Francisco

I know what you've been hearing
I've seen you hide your fear
Embarrassed by your weaknesses
Afraid to let Me near
I wish you knew how much I long
For you to understand
No matter what may happen, child
I'll never let go of your hand
I know you've been forsaken
By all you've known before
When you've failed their expectations
They frown and close the door
But even though your heart itself
Should lose the will to stand
No matter what may happen, child
I'll never let go of your hand
The life that I have given you
No one can take away
I've sealed it with My Spirit, blood and word
The everlasting Father has made His covenant with you
And He's stronger than the world you've seen and heard
So don't you fear to show them
All the love I have for you
I'll be with you everywhere
In everything you do
And even if you do it wrong
And miss the joy I planned
I'll never, never let go of your hand
The life that I have given you
No one can take away
I've sealed it with My Spirit, blood and Word
The everlasting Father has made His covenant with you
And He's stronger than the world you've seen and heard
So don't you fear to show them
All the love I have for you
I'll be with you everywhere
In everything you do
And even if you do it wrong
And miss the joy I planned
I'll never, never let go of your hand
I'll never let go of your hand.

Being a believer is the reason I took on moving my Mother to live in my home after my father died. She could not afford to live by herself and I know what the Word says about care of widows and family. Timothy 5:8. Was heavy on my heart. My flesh didn't want to do it knowing only some of how hard it would be. I am strengthened knowing God's grace is enough. We are called to serve. Dying to the flesh is a daily reality check. It is a fine line between selfish and self care. Hugs and prayers

Thanks to everyone on this thread that prayed for me during my long journey with my mom. She’s in heaven now dancing to Sinatra tunes with my dad.

I can’t thank you enough for your warmth and support. I continue to pray for all of you.

My heart goes out to each one of you.

Herefordad, that is beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

It made me remember my grannie. She didn't know who I was but, our visits were filled with love and laughter and that was all that mattered in the end.

Hello smeshque,

I pray that my poem will give you some encouragement during these difficult times:

How We Are Holding Up

My daddy forgot my name today
It seems so strange to say
This day became eventual
As daddy fades away

Letters on white paper
Not etched into his mind
Just a word, just a word
A word he could not find

Repeating my name
Five, Ten times... gone
Trying to grasp and keep it
Asking, "What went wrong?"

Gone... but forgotten
Blurry time and space
What's in a name, Dad?
See the smile on my face?

We put our trust in God
One hour at a time
We cling onto Dad's spirit
As time erases his mind

Our love knows his heart
A heart that's strong and true
We remember his strength
And the things he used to do

We treasure every moment
We treasure every smile
From dawn to time for bed
Facing each and every trial

Outside a storm is brewing
The world is in a hurry
Unkind words and heartbreak
Stress and work and worry

In the arms of God, 
Where we are living still,
Peace returns, enters joy
Blessings are so REAL!

My Daddy forgot my name today
And, that's OK with me
Believing in what God has planned
Is all we will ever need

-Debi Huizar

I love this post. I very much understand your thoughts and pray abt it a lot.

Hi Shell!
I was hoping you would join believers everywhere to pray for Ali, whose room mate is moving OUT!

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against a spiritual wickedness in high places.

Ephesians 6:12

I agree with you Gershun. God does command us to love one another, but He also commands us to walk away from foolishness & to not let people walk all over us.

HI Send! I just wanted to say hi to you:)

Sending the God of angel armies......

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOkImV2cJDg

The one who reigns forever
He is a friend of mine
The God of angel armies
Is always by my side
I know who goes before me
I know who stands behind
The God of angel armies
Is always by my side
The one who reigns forever
He is a friend of mine
The God of angel armies
Is always by my side
The God of angel armies
Is always by my side....

I've never felt that God expects us to just take abuse and mistreatment from others, including our aging parents. Yes, abusive, mean parents get old and infirm just as good parents do but if you've suffered at the hands of uncaring loved ones does God still expect you to drop everything and commit yourself entirely to their care? No, I don't think so. I think he wants us to treat everyone with kindness and decency but if doing so would cause you to become entangled with those who have let you down in the past to your own detriment I think he would grant you a pass on that.

The secular world doesn’t say put you first. In fact there’s little debate surrounding good parents needing help. As far as I can tell my close friends who had good loving parents go help their parents. These good parents didn’t & still don’t make being in their presence a horrible experience.

the secular world says children of abusers have the option to not give what’s undeserved.

IMO abusers deserve abandonment.

Believers observing Good Friday April 2
John 19:28-30
King James Version

28 After this, Jesus knowing that all things were now accomplished, that the scripture might be fulfilled, saith, I thirst.
29 Now there was set a vessel full of vinegar: and they filled a sponge with vinegar, and put it upon hyssop, and put it to his mouth.
30 When Jesus therefore had received the vinegar, he said, It is finished: and he bowed his head, and gave up the ghost.

Luke 21:1-4
New King James Version

The Widow’s Two Mites
21 And He looked up and saw the rich putting their gifts into the treasury, 2 and He saw also a certain poor widow putting in two mites. 3 So He said, “Truly I say to you that this poor widow has put in more than all; 4  for all these out of their abundance have put in offerings  for God, but she out of her poverty put in all the livelihood that she had.”

I know what you've been hearing
I've seen you hide your fear
Embarrassed by your weaknesses
Afraid to let Me near
I wish you knew how much I long
For you to understand
No matter what may happen, child
I'll never let go of your hand
I know you've been forsaken
By all you've known before
When you've failed their expectations
They frown and close the door
But even though your heart itself
Should lose the will to stand
No matter what may happen, child
I'll never let go of your hand
The life that I have given you
No one can take away
I've sealed it with My Spirit, blood and word
The everlasting Father has made His covenant with you
And He's stronger than the world you've seen and heard
So don't you fear to show them
All the love I have for you
I'll be with you everywhere
In everything you do
And even if you do it wrong
And miss the joy I planned
I'll never, never let go of your hand
The life that I have given you
No one can take away
I've sealed it with My Spirit, blood and word
The everlasting Father has made His covenant with you
And He's stronger than the world you've seen and heard
So don't you fear to show them
All the love I have for you
I'll be with you everywhere
In everything you do
And even if you do it wrong
And miss the joy I planned
I'll never, never let go of your hand
I'll never let go of your hand
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Don Francisco

Thanks for the advice. I will pass it on.

Yoda; by not recounting tales about them to others (outside of therapy).

By not shaming them to other family members.

By not responding to provocations.

By showing up at the funeral and keeping quiet.

A friend of mine asked me how do we continue to "honor our father and mother" even in estrangement? Any ideas?

Smeshque,
Congratulations on your little goat herd.
Even though hard through this winter, you have really brightened up! Glad to see you here, and so happy for you!

It shows through your words how great you are doing! 🐐🐐🐐🐐🐐🐐🐐
🐐🐐🐐

I have a very specific prayer that I say when dealing with medical/caregiving issues:
I always ask God and Jesus to send in special angel armies.

A special army of medical angels, to guide the doctors, nurses and other members of the medical team.

A special army of mental health angels, to heal the patient ( and myself!) emotionally and mentally. To heal my thoughts. To heal my emotions.

A special army of warrior angels, to protect us from harm.

A special army of financial angels, to help us handle the financial aspect of care.

A special army of healing angels, to heal us physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

Hope this helps. :)