Being a caregiver to an abusive parent who lives with you.

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My mother lives with me. Her attitude and the tantrums she throws are getting worse by the day and now she's verbally/emotionally abusing me. I put my life on hold for her yet she calls me every nasty word in the dictionary and I'm still not good enough. I cant throw her out. She has no other place to go. But Im just drained emotionally and physically and I really am out of any solutions here...


Take her to see a geriatric psychiatrist, for starts. She may have depression or mental illness. Either may be ameliorate by medication.

"Has no place else to go"? What are her impairments? Can she not live alone? Is she on Medicaid or eligible for it?

Having a verbally abusive person live with you should not be a necessity. Take her to the geripsych and what s/he says.
Ellana, I feel for you. Given a choice between taking care of someone with depression or any other disease, I would choose the other disease. People with depression can be most difficult. From what I've experienced, it is almost impossible to help lift their spirits and soothe them. The only thing that can help there are proper medications and therapy. Is your mother being treated? If she is and it's not working, perhaps it's time to change the treatment plan.

How old is your mother? If she receives SS, there will always be a place for her to go. Many areas have subsidized housing for seniors. The only question is if it would be safe for her to live by herself.
thanks for the input and feedback. My mom does suffer from depression and has been diagnosed with it but refuses to take any medication claiming "I'm not crazy"... Despite my many attempts to make her understand that going to a psychiatrist and taking meds doesn't mean she's crazy, it just doesn't work.
Okay, next step. "Mom, you're right, you're not crazy, but your behavior is making ME crazy. You have no physical or mental impairments so you don't need to live with me . Here's a list of senior apartments; I'll take you to look at them on my days off". If she is resistent you can start eviction proceedings.
Look, 30% of all caregivers die before their charges do. Don't be a statistic. Why in the world would you hang around someone who treats you like this?

Depression is a treatable disease, but not without the cooperation of the patient.

Your mother can't help being depressed -- she did not ask for this mental disorder. I feel sorry for her. BUT I would not live with her and take her abuse. She can make the choice not to seek treatment, but you can make the choice not to have her live with you.

What you are doing is enabling your mother to wallow in her disease and not make any attempts at improving things. You mean well, but what you are doing is not really helping.

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