Bathing the Elderly

I also want to know about this bidet attachment? My Mom screams if the water temperature isnt right, how do you know it will be right and where to you purchase these. I bathe Mom on the toilet now a lot because its so hard to get her leg over the tub. Her hair is another story, need help there when she isnt at daycare getting it washed. I wondered if there were a big toilet seat with a large hole because I soak the floor when I scrub her. Thanks for ideas.....
Luvmom

Sometimes it is pretty hard because some companies consider it handicap accessible if there are bars on the wall and toilet and the toilet is a little higher. There have been times even in the hospital when I have had to be plastered agains the wall in order to fit in there with her. I usually put the wheelchair sideways in front of the toilet. it seems to fit better that way.

My mother is only 85 but has Alzheimer's. She is resisting using a wheelchair (and I always have trouble getting it into the Saturn's trunk because the wheels catch and then fall against me and I end up getting dirty) and has a tendency to carry rather than use her cane (she prefers holding onto my arm).

What systems do you have for taking your mother to the bathroom when you are out?

Where can I find out more about a bidet attachment?

I can't stress enough how having the bidet attachment to the toilet takes away the bathing frustration. Nursing homes should have one in every bathroom. When the elder person sits down, you just push a button and a warm spray of water hit the front area or the back area. It stays on washing for a few minutes and shuts off. If the person get up, the water turns off. No more bad odors. I have been caring for my 99 year old mother for 8 going on 9 years and have learned how to keep her clean without a tub or shower(sponge), keep the odor down or away (bidet &diaper pail), and what meals are easy and yummy for her ( She loves store frozen foods). I use a traveling wheelchair to take her to the beauty shop and out to her favorite restaurant (Cracker Barrel.) She chooses her outfit and feels beautiful when we go out. She uses a walker to go to the bathroom and to her favorite chair. The doors on the house make a noise if opened so I know where she is all the time. . She feels in control because I give her two choices of outfits to wear, food for her meal, places to go, things to do etc.. She is content and so am I because caring for her is easy. She has Alzheimer Disease and is old but that doesn't mean that she has to give up dignity, security, and some control over her own life. I approach caring for her by asking myself how I would want to be treated.

ya i wait till she goes to the bathroom then tell her have a little struggle but i gently take her arm and turn her around -she cries the nwhole time-does not know me heck i would too

My dad has become hard to get into the shower this winter...summer it was 2-3 showers a day. So I turn up the heat, tell him how long since his last shower, ( I make a note on the big calendar) and that we can't do whatever (go for a ride, have lunch, play a game, ect. ) til after the shower. Most times it works. He has stroke induced dementia.

This is not uncommon. Here are a few suggestions:
-Do a "weekly bath" - everyday washing one part of her body using washcloths. For example, Monday wash her arms, armpits and back, Tuesday, feet and legs. Ask her to take that body part out of her clothes one at a time to wash, dry and then switch. It takes longer but they be more open to this. Sometimes you could time it during a trip to the washroom and use that as an excuse to clean the genitals.
-Set up a bath schedule and use a calendar. Use incentives to get her to bathe, such as telling her she has to bathe before her favorite TV show comes on or she'll get her favorite dessert. Once or twice a week is sufficient for seniors if they are not incontinent.
-Temperature - Turn up the heat to keep the bathrooms warm. Seniors are often cold when we are wearing short sleeves. If there is tile in the bathroom, cover them with a plush bath rug (watch her for falls). If you have an overhead heater, turn that on. Wear a t-shirt so you're not overheated!
-Make it like a spa - scented soaps/lotions, heated towels (they make heated towel bars/containers or pluck them from the dryer) and a warm fuzzy bathrobe.
-Make sure the bathroom is safe - use bath chairs, non-slip mats/appliques, grab bars. If they don't feel safe, they will not bathe.
-Install a hand-held shower. Some people don't like the water spray in the face as often happens when sitting in a shower chair. This also allows the warm water to pour over them as they wash and they feel like a greater sense of control.
-Use powders, body sprays, etc to help cover the body odor when you just can't get them to bathe.
-If their depression/anxiety is significantly impairing their ability to care for themselves, speak with a doctor to see if an anti-anxiety can be prescribed and taken before the shower. **Always follow a doctor's advice**

And lastly, many home care agencies offer a bathing service so that you don't have to do the "dirty work". Hire them and then go out for a cup of coffee to de-stress. If you can't hire someone, ask relatives to step up for this onerous task.

It too is difficult for me and my mom with dementia. I have a colored bath mat in the tub and a chair. I have the wand on a long attachment so I can start from the feet up slowly. I tell her to step on the green mat, and she will after a while. Then I start with the shower wand on her feet and work up as I TALK TALK TALK, the more gossip the better, or talk about what a great mom she used to be and how she did this and that. It takes theri mind off it and works well, but IS difficult. Sometimes she will hold a washcloth for security too. good luck

Much like when the oxygen masks drop down in the airplane. The initial reaction might be to first give it to your child next to you. NO! You must take care of YOU first, or you will be of no use (and possibly a burden) to the one you are attempting to care for. Perhaps just take some time for yourself, to meditate, BREATHE, practice yoga, etc. Don't beat yourself up. Know that you are doing the best you can at the given moment. Forgive yourself for feeling resentful toward your parent for putting you in such a position. They don't want to do that either. It is what it is. Sometimes it really sucks.

My problem is the vinyl floor outside of the tub. They trip on the little rugs and slide on the floor when it gets wet. There are basically an uneven surface but since my mom is unsteady on her feet anyway, she still slips. We took those little stick on things that provide grip on tubs and put them on the floor of the bathroom all over the place. There is at least one per square. This helps keep her steady.

imo you get 10 stars!!!what a great idea, I've never thought of that but my mil has trouble getting out of the tub........will find some for her.....thank you!

For those that are afraid of falling in the tub/shower why not try wearing those shoes that you wear around the pool? I'm not sure what they call them but they're NOT "flip-flops" or "thongs", etc. These are shoes that are waterproof, good grip soles and cover your foot (like the now popular "ballerina slippers").

I let her do as much as she can and then I take over so it doesnt take all morning and she doesnt get cold. We looked into the walk in tub too but I could not get them to have one installed when they were sane enough and now everything has to go through the court so it is even harder. For my dad we had someone come in twice a week to bath him. He was on hospice and that was part of it. That worked ok but the aid laughed when she got nervous which because my dad swore at her and yelled at her was everytime she came over. My dad thought she was laughing at him and would get even madder. I was just about to ask for another aid when we lost dad. Mom is not as hard to bath and she really does not have modesty issues like my dad did. Judyjfla I would worry about skin breakdowns if she doesnt bath. That is one really good thing about having someone come in to bath them. You have a perfessional who knows what to look for check them out. Many times because you live with them day after day you dont notice the changes as much.

Punk it sounds like you are going to have to bathe mom yourself. We put in one of the handicapped tubs when MIL little house was built thinking that would be ideal for her. We were letting her live independently but could check on her if needed. Well she still refused to bathe and it became a battle. Found out she was closing the door on the tub, filling it, and then climbing over the top! These tubs are made taller than regular tubs. Then find out she is scrunching herself up into the foot part to "keep warm". We found all this when the tub was pulled away from the wall. Just imagine a naked 86 yr old climbing onto the toilet then into the tub!!!!! End result was she stepped on my last nerve one day and I stripped her down, put her in the tub and scrubbed her, all the while she is screaming profanities, threatening, you name it. She now gets bathed on Wed and Sat. I do it.....she gives me no grief....she knows it will get her no where. Hydrophobia seems to be an affliction of the elderly. I have asked for the why's and no one really seems to know but it's common. The only choice MIL has now is to allow me to continue to bathe her or we will tile the walls put up a shower curtain and she can sit and spray and use the tub as a shower. This tub is so nice, even had whirlpool put in it, but she gripes about the length of time to fill it. I make her sit on the bench part, I soap the washcloth and it's getting to the point where I have to tell her what parts to wash, and then I use the sprayer and rinse her off. Thirty min from clothes off to clothes back on. Much easier..........Good luck with your mom, it's sound like you are going to have to take over the whole bathing routine or find someone to come in once a week to help you.

I am so glad that I am not alone with this problem. I thought that everyones parents bathed at least twice a week and most more often than that. My mom lets me give her a bath once every 2 weeks. She does get out of bed but bathing is very very hard for her. We have a chair that she uses to sit down outside of the tub and then swing her legs over but she seldom does it unless she gets really filthy and I basically wheel her in there. It is impossible to get the water right. It is warm on her feet and cold on her body or it is warm on her body and too warm on her feet. She never ever asks for a bath and it is always a struggle to convince her to do it. Most of the time If she does get into the bathtub I have to bribe her and if I dont have what she wants then she does not do it. She doesnt seem to know what to do. I have to put the soap on the washcloth and then tell her to wash her self. Each step has to be outlined. I try to let her hold the spray so that I dont startle he with it but she doesnt seem to know how to use it and her arm -shoulder is basically frozen so she can only hold it so high. I feel like taking the whole job away from her and doing it myself but I think that she needs to do some things for her self. I am always worried about making her more of an invalid than she is.

Judy, bless your heart......you are not alone. My MIL has been living in a small house attached to our house for a yr now. Before that she was 45 min away and with my and hubby's careers (paramedic and physician) we couldn't go see her a lot. Found she was not bathing, could find her way to the store and on a daily basis would get blind, stinking, falling down drunk and pee all over her house. She is 86 yrs old! Are you in a position to hire someone to come in once or twice a week to bathe her? She needs to be evaluated by a physician, put on medication for depression, and possibly placed in a nursing facility or have someone come in to help you. I am on forced medical retirement......ruptured discs in neck and back strain. When MIL gets to the point where she needs skilled care I will have to hire someone to come in. You must be firm...firm....firm or you will get no where. There are lots of us here that know exactly how you are feeling......I wandered onto this board a couple of weeks ago and already feel like I have family that let's me vent when I need to and don't make me feel lousy when I do.......

Happy I found this board. My mom has been depressed for over 2 years and lives with me, it has been recurrent, but this time she has not come out of it. She just wants to stay in bed all the time, and the last time she was in a hospital, they dehydrated her and drugged her until she fell out of a wheelchair and broke 2 bones. She never wants to take a bath, the last one was in July 2009, it is now Nov 2010. The last one I herniated a disc trying to drag her into the bathroom. Today I tried for 90 minutes and yes she smells. I usually attack her with a washcloth or soak her feet, but the rest of her is getting leathery and skin peeling. She has had her hair washed on occasion by understanding stylists who did scalp treatments and once by me, But I am in tears today and just can't take it anymore. She won't let anyone else bathe her either, we tried that as well.

Bathing can make us all nuts! My suggestion:
Will just washing the stinky parts every day do the trick? Sometimes a full fledged bath is too overwhelming (too cold, fear of falling, chronic pain, embarrassment, etc) Some individuals with dementia experience the sensation of being wet as painful, washed as being raped, etc. I am the queen of the "wipe" - meaning I use baby wipes (or adult wipes), run them under hot water for a split second (gets some of the soap out and warms them up) and away we wipe! No rinsing necessary either! Also, only undress the part of the body being washed and redress immediately. Dignity, comfort and clean! I have found this to work very well with my demented clients as well as many other seniors over the years.

My dad when he took a shower used his feet to determine whether the water was too hot or not. Then we found that he had nerve damage in his feet. At first we started running the water for him and then we got faucets and hand held showers that are set to turn off the water if it gets hot. He seemed to be less reluctant to bath after that. You are right about the not being able to smell part. That is also why sometimes they dont eat. A Sense of smell stops things from being so bland and as they get older they cannot smell food so they really cannot taste it.

I think that we need to realize as we age our noses don't work as well. It is possible that our elders do not smell themselves. I don't mean this to be insulting to anyone but our elderly loved ones can become somewhat childlike not wanting to bath, not wanting to do what is best for them, for example taking their medications, drinking enough water, eating well . I would always encourage caregivers to be kind and gentle with their loved ones. Offer help, maybe your Grandfather will resent his Grandaughter bathing him, is their someone else or a home care person that can come into the home to help? Explore some of the other options available. A bath tub chair and hand held shower head is very helpful to prevent falls or accidents. If someone has arthritis it can be very hard to get in and out of the bathtub. Fear of falling is a common fear for elders. That can keep them from wanting to get into the tub. Also being naked and cold is another issue. Make sure the bathroom is warm the towels are warm and the envirnment is pleasant. take care, J

I take care of my 91 year old father and he doesn't bathe as often as he should and really didn't seem to care. But after alot of discussion about it, it seems that not only is it hard for him to bathe and get himself clean(complains a bit of getting dizzy when he bends and twists to clean himself) but he doesn't want someone else to clean him. It's too personal he was thinking. But we found a great in-home care person to come in twice a week to give him a great sponge bath and rub him down with lotion and he is loving it. I just asked him to try it twice...and he agreed. NOW, he wouldn't be without it. I think trying the unknown and being dependent on someone is more horrible to them than stinking!!!

As I posted earlier, Saturday was bath day, and when I took mom-in-law's meds to her yesterday evening I reminded her of that. Her side of the conversation immediately turned ugly and I thought...here we go again. I got up, repeated that I would be back in about an hour and left. When I got back her attitude had completely changed.......she followed me into the bathroom and the bath was actually a pleasant experience. It never ceases to amaze me how the demented mind works! I did discover that she has a decub starting which means cleansing more often and changing her depends more......she allowed me to medicate and cover it last night but who knows what today will bring? JollyJ I really believe you have hit on it.......I think my mom-in-law gets so frustrated because she doesn't remember how to do things and when I have helped her bathe I have noticed recently that she will just look at the soapy washcloth and last night asked what she was supposed to do with it.

Wow, Caregiver 101! That is awesome! I am very fortunate that my mom is still mobile and at this point I only have to "supervise" the bath. I have to be in there with her to remind her of each step but she handles it well with direction. At this point, I care for her feet and wash her hair. I'm ready for the next stage of needing to do it all but I will have to get someone in to teach me how to do it properly so that I make it a good experience for her.

Islandmz, have you read The 36 Hour Day? It dawns on me now that maybe the problem is knowing how? My mom has forgotten but with my supervision is able to do it. We have far fewer fights I think because she is no longer being told to do something that she doesn't know how to do.

I do a a number of different things regarding bathing. First, every time I change my loved one's adult pull-ups, I clean her gently (with soft, soft baby diapers I bought over the Internet) with soap and water. So she is contstantly getting "mini" sponge baths a couple of times a day. When we exercise in bed before I transfer her out of bed, I then wash her upper body and under her arms (she's more flexible then). We usually do the excercises with some native american great music playing in the background and with her in the nude - so she is able to dry nicely before I get her dressed.

In the summer, I hooked our garden hose into our downstairs sink and was able to get hot water. I then transferred her into her wheelchair outside onto our deck (using the hoyer lift) and then brought the hoyer lift outside to transfer her again into the port-a-potty (whatever they are called). I then showered and shampooed her there! She loved it (as much as you can love something like that) because it was all warm water all over her and she could manage the hose and help. (I bought a big "head/hair" tub from a medical equipment company when we first got home so I could wash her hair in bed (before I came up with the outside idea).

Now that it is getting too cold outside to shower on the deck, I am able to give her a hot shower at a local facility that we go to for therapy. They have a private wheelchair-accessible bathroom there with a big flat workout mat/bed in it! (in addition to the big "gym" bathroom). Though it is a TON of work doing all the logistically of getting my mom naked and then back into the chair and then back onto the mat, etc. she is able to get a great shower there too.

Until I can earn enough money to have our home shower set up so I can wheel her in there, or until God has us win the lottery, or until Extreme Home Makeover comes to our home, these are the things I do to help my mom regarding bathing.

I am do blessed and so grateful for so many things in my life. I am so fortunate and so lucky to be able to be home with my mom 24/7! There is no other place I want to be (except in a beach house with her overlooking the ocean ~ another goal of mine!)

Then we can just bathe in the ocean!!!

I tried the scheduling calendar and that didn't work. Part of my mother-in-law's "problem" is that she now cannot hold a thought over 30 seconds. So when she screams about bathing, I can sometimes steer her mind into thinking how good, clean and warm she will feel when she is done. The "house rule" was 1 bath a week, but she now sits and urinates in her depends instead of getting up and going to the bathroom, so more baths are needed. There is also the issue of skin breakdown that we have to watch for.

My 94 year old Mom only needs to bathe once a week and we've had many fights about it. I've used the fact that her mom taught her to bathe weekly and then the doctor said she must. I find that the best way to handle it is to stick with it. I've been cussed at (VERY unusual for my Mom) and she says she wants to die. I just remain calm and tell her that when God is ready for her, he will take her but that until then she must bathe once a week. I use the same tactic for the daily things: Depends, socks, clothes, etc. I've told her she is not allowed to leave her room until we change the clothes or bathe, whatever the issue, and I stay outside her door until she gives in. Biggest thing is to stay calm and assertive about it.

Good luck!

My heart goes out to all of you............I am in the same place you are and I am so glad I have finally found others who share the same problems. One yr ago my mother-in-law built a small home attached to our home (husband and I). Her former home was mouse-ridden and she was urinating everywhere but in the toilet and suffering numerous falls. We discovered she was drinking gin and wine to the point that she couldn't do anything but crawl around. This woman is now 86 yrs old! She still won't clean her home and we managed to get her into adult diapers but she WON'T bathe unless it turns into a huge fight. She smells terrible and would wear a soaked diaper for days if she could. When the house was built we had a handicapped tub put in for her. I wish now I had gone with my first instinct of a regular shower with a place for her to sit. I start conversations with her gently and soft-voiced but before you know it she is screaming obscenities and telling me I only want to inherit everything from her. She only has her little house which sits on our property and her will leaves it to my husband. If anyone has any suggestions on how to deal with her dementia and not bathing I would be so appreciative. I'm at my wit's end.

I really think the calendar thing might work. We have a 7 day calendar made of metal whiteboard. The days of the week are black and yellow. easy to see. We have another black and yellow sheet with "today is". We put any appts on the board and then move the today is sign. If you put showerday in one of the spaces (usually a non-busy day) then she might have a sense of time passing. My mom gets the hours mixed up so she will say I already had the shower but then I tell her the time and the time that she is supposed to have the shower and she is ok. This might work.

Thank you for your tips on bathing. I just realized I am taking the caregiving thing too seriously. It is too early in the game to worry about what is going to happen eventually(in regards to dementia)I will wear myself out before I really need to be cautious and deal with the harder aspects. One day at a time.

I was not aware of this until recently that medicare (I'm in PA) will pay for a CNA to come and give my parents a bath. That is such a huge burden taken off of me. I had major problems getting my Mom to take a bath. She always thought she just took one and that is because of her dementia. With the CNA coming twice a week it created a routine for both Mom and Dad. Mom never argues and Dad very rarely. Good Luck!!