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So... I must need a lesson in saying "NO", because I am completely exhausted! After becoming a rather instant caregiver a little over a week ago, I just want to spend some time... ALONE.

First, my original plans for the holidays were to get as far away from my family as possible...go on a ski trip and sip wine in front of a fireplace on Christmas Day. Instead, I felt a bit obligated to try to get my family together for a family gathering in the event that Dad's nearing the end.

I have had very little sleep (last night's trip to the ER and taking Dad to work with me today didn't help), and between running around at the last minute trying to plan a Christmas I don't even WANT to attend has gotten the best of me.

None of my siblings will help (it doesn't help that Dad treats them like crap too), and though my BF has been wonderful, I fear that between the added responsibility and daily meltdowns, he's going to leave...

I just feel ... alone. I didn't ask for this and as horrible as it sounds, I RESENT this...

HELP!!!

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I know this is a whole month later, but my mother was in the hospital from the first week I. dec. through the first week of January and then she was moved to a rehab center. She is coming home on Wednesday and we have not yet had Christmas. I will not make a big dinner. We have lots of gift cards and I think I will use one of those for our dinner on the night she comes home. We did not put up Christmas decorations except one holly plant which is still in the dining room with all of our presents. The rest of the family had their own special family celebrations but Mom was so worried that she was ruining our Christmas that we decided that this was the way to go.
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My dad has emphysema and is legally blind. He refuses to go to any doctor but his own which is why we haven't visited a geriatric specialist.

Due to his diminished lung capacity, he has some mobility issues and his memory is starting to go. I think he may have some dimentia.

Yes... a week in and I am completely miserable. BF and I were trapped in the house for New Year's... upstairs with dad because he didn't want to be alone....
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They do make some pretty good frozen lasagnas! LOL In fact we are going to my Aunts on sunday for an italian "family post holiday" get together..and its on the menu! I work in healthcare and many is the time we have rescheduled the dinner/celebration date
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I like this! We have always prepared lasagna for our family, and now it is too much. Will suggest ordering to whoever hosts Christmas next year.
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Do like what I do.... any time there is a trip to the ER, either for your Dad or for yourself, if it happens close to a holiday then that holiday is postponed to a later date. Otherwise it is just too exhausting.

My Christmas plans with my aging parents had to be postponed to this coming Sunday because last week I was in the ER/hospital for my own health issues. And instead of me cooking a meal, which was my original plan, I am now ordering carry-out from Olive Garden.... let them do the cooking... I've done this before with the carry-out and it works great :)
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It's only been a week? I would look into other arrangements for your dad especially since you're so exhausted and stressed after only a week. It doesn't get any easier.
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Welcome! We have a saying here...you can only be a doormat if you lie down.

What are your dad's impairments? Has he been evaluated by a geriatric psychiatrist for depression , anxiety, mental illness? As Pam says, meds can ameliorate sometimes. Let us know how it goes.
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Tiny, just a week ago? How did that happen to fall on you? If you are stressed now, it is time to find a facility for your Dad.
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How extensive is your father's lung disease? Is it cancer or emphysema? Tell us a bit more.

Welcome to the group. Caregiving can be exhausting and we can accidentally lose ourselves in it. Since Christmas is pretty well tied up already, maybe you can plan a getaway with your boyfriend for New Year's. If your father is frail, maybe another family member can keep check on your dad so you won't have to worry.
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Well if Dad treats you like crap, all bets are off. Get the MD to at least give him anxiety meds. Those will help both of you.
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you are the one with the power to turn the festivities down .
as close as i came to being jovial was sending my 25 yr old an email telling him to eat a d*ckMAS . an improvement over holiday seasons of the past .
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