Back to the black hole of despair.
I started to crawl out of the black hole and I've been getting better the past couple of months. An old friend came in from out of town for the weekend and we had a great visit.
My mother is mostly always in bed now, coming to the end of her life. A week ago I took my muscle/helper guy to the NH to install "shepherd's crook" outside her window carrying a bird feeder and basket of flowers.
This afternoon I got a call from the NH director that it had to go as the lawn tractor couldn't get around it - ever heard of a weed whacker sunshine? They would put it in a distant flower bed where she could see it ... if in her wheelchair and at the window (with binoculars?) Somehow he was asking my permission to relocate it. I asked "Do I have a choice/". Umm, nope ... so why in freaking hell are you calling me when you'll do as you please anyway?
By the way, this is a family owned operation and I suspect his sibs dumped it on him. In 18 months I've never seen him interact with the residents. His office is by the back door which he slithers out of into his $70,000 truck whenever it suits him - just a spoiled little rich boy.
My mother and I have never been close., in fact she's been a mean, manipulative, evil narcissist life long who I've avoided. Only cared for her for 4 years out of duty, but I will get on my hind legs and spit fire to defend anything that can't help itself.
In her condition, the loss of the bird feeder and flowers will devastate my mother. I could report the "abuse" to the government and I could get the media involved, but to what end? It won't do any good. Shut up and shell out a huge wad of cash each month seems to be all there is.
I smoke and I like a drink or two. With any luck I`ll go the way my grandmother did - 84,and dropped dead with a massive stroke. Dead by the time she hit the floor. What a way to go! I was up at 5 a.m. and it`s now midnight but I`m too rattled to sleep. Back to the black hole.
What to do. Go down there tomorrow, deal with my mother`s upset, grab this a$$hole by the shorts and make him tell her why she can`t have the last bit of pleasure before she dies or just stew. Tomorrow I have to go into the city and I have a bathroom reno going on for the rest of the week.
Leave it go or go down there with guns blazing. I`m so fraught tonight, back in the old black hole.