Back again with my mother's drama.

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My mom is diabetic and has heart problems plus she seems to be a narcissist, but wasn't never diagnosed that I know of. She lies a lot and gets verbally violent. My main issue is she won't take her medication and ends up in the hospital a lot. I try to help, but she says I'm dumb and can't tell what to do or how to take her meds that her doctor told her so and she singed a paper stating this. She has a HMO Kaiser and apparently California doesn't care about the elderly wellbeing because I've tried calling the doctors as well as Social Services but all they do is Nothing! She could die if she continues this way!

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Since your Mom isn't going to follow doctors orders...or take her medication on schedule by herself....you have only two choices:
1) seek legal help to be assigned her guardian. Then you can take control and deal directly with all this. Of course, if she is found to be competent then she can do as she pleases...even putting herself back in the hospital.
Or...
2) accept that this is your mom's choice. Right or wrong, this is what she has chosen for herself. Accept it.

If your mom is cognitively impaired, you may need to figure out how to get a doctor evaluation to prove that. That might not be doable either.

I'm sorry for your troubles. I had many of the same issues with my Dad. The family lawyer (association with the family for many years) help me get through all this. But, it wasn't cheap.
Good suggestions by Katiekate. It's frustrating to be in that situation, but, if the senior is competent, it's up to them as to how they handle their medical conditions.

I would decide if you want to be the one to take charge of things. You can pursue legal action, if you think she's incompetent. I'd get a legal consult with an attorney to see what evidence you need. Even if you win, it's a hard job managing a resistant parent. Despite your best efforts, you may not be able to get her to cooperate.

And if you don't get appointed to make decisions on her behalf, then you have to stand by and watch her go down hill. It's a tough decision. I don't envy you. I'd try to figure out how you can put the least stress on yourself. All you can do, is all you can do. I'd try not to let it make my life miserable.
You say your mom gets to go to the hospital often.. where does she go when she gets out? Does she live with you? If she does, then tell her next time you will not take her back, she will have to go somewhere they will make sure she complies with her meds. If she lives alone,, could she enjoy the attention she gets in the hospital? You know.. laying around watching TV, meals delivered to her bed. someone checking on her every few hours so she has attention and company? No housecleaning or laundry or decisions to make. I know I have patients who think the hospital is a 4 star hotel compared to thier homes! And I am not kidding about that!!
Thank you all for the suggestions I wish I could afford a lawyer for legal action but can't yes we live together and both my name and hers is on the home so not taking her back is hard but do agree with pamzimmrrt she loves attention and likes to be waited on but was always that way even when she was younger so a trip to the hospital and being babied by other's is what she likes and to tell strangers how bad her kids are Scary part is wacthing a person silently killing themselves by not taking there medication . I'm hoping her new doctor sees right through her ? She gets a new doctor each time they scold her of her of not taking care of herself. What blows my mind is they can't see how many times she goes into the hospital or changes doctors or doesn't keep appointments. Starting to wonder if the doctors even care? But unfortunately I'm just going to have to sit back I feel my hands are tied :/
Dear Fedup,

So sorry to hear about what is happening. I found this link and I hope it can connect you with the resources to help your mom.

https://www.aging.ca.gov/Programs/
Fed, I don't think it's a matter of the doctors not caring but more one of them being unable to force a patient to comply with doctor's orders. They can scold, discuss the important of taking meds and other actions needed, but there's nothing they can do if she refuses.
No facility can force someone to take their meds. Hospitals I think can get away with it.


JoAnn is correct, no place can force a competent Pt to take thier meds, not even the hospital if the pt can/is able to refuse. I sort of meant that statement above as a "threat" or scare tactic! Sorry if it came out wrong. I have Pts refuse my "services" on occasion. I can cajole, plead, try to joke them into it.. but nope,,, they can and sometimes do say no. ( until I am busy with another Pt and then they want me,,,,LOL)
Fedup73, how long has she been verbally violent and lying? I ask because, sometimes more is going on when someone has that kind of behavior and is not taking medication. I noticed it with my LO and I couldn't figure it out. She actually believed that she didn't need the medication, which was not the case. Later the verbal aggression started. My LO had dementia that caused her to loose the ability to realize her need for meds. As she progressed, she changed and took any med that the med tech handed her.

I'd keep my eyes open for signs that she may not be capable of making her own decisions. Of course, that may not help you get her to take them, but, at least you'll know why.

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

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