My Mother is miserable every single day. I find myself avoiding her in my own house.

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Every situation is turned around to focus on her . She has no filter on what she says.


Move her to Assisted Living before she destroys you. Boy, I watched my MIL just continually insult her daughter and criticize her, her children and her grandchildren. Very toxic. Get away from that.
Cece, has your Mom been checked recently for an urinary tract infection [UTI]? UTI's can cause an elder to be outspoken, nasty, etc.
Thank you , wish I could but she's on a fixed income and we can't afford to pay for it .
freqflyer : No UTI , was at Dr today . I waited several hours for her to call me when she was ready to be picked up as she got a ride there since I had a dental appt . Even asked my husband to check at Dr office but she had already left , got another ride , and didn't bother to let me know .
Cece, if your Mom is on a fixed income, then she probably could apply and be accepted by Medicaid. Medicaid would pay for her care at a continuing care facility [nursing home] but only if her physical health and memory issues have really decline.

As for the UTI, Medicare should pay for that testing, and treatment.
Thank you very much . I will be checking into this .
Why is your mom living with you? Does she have other impairments besides being crabby? Has she always been a self-centered and negative person, or is this new as she has aged?

Besides not having any filter, does she have other signs that might point to dementia? Has she been checked for depression?

I feel very sorry for you, and for her, too. I hope you come up with a resolution that lets you feel comfortable in your own home again.
CEce, I just found your question. It is a very good one and I know that a lot of people are in the same position you are. My mother is a good example of what you are talking about. She is 90 years old and has been dying in her mind since she was 75. Every Christmas is going to be her last. Every birthday is a surprise that she is marching one step closer to her final day on earth. She has been so busy being miserable that she forgot how to live. We end up either being pulled into it or finding some way to get away from it, even if getting away is only in our minds. I have not found a long-term solution for pulling ourselves out of the misery they create for us. I do the same thing as you do -- I avoid her even though we live in the same house. It makes me feel guilty and people might think I'm awful because I'm not with my mother all day long entertaining her. That would make my own life horrible, though, so I don't spend a lot of time with her. I make myself feel better by reminding myself I am staying here because she doesn't want to go to AL or a NH. I do everything that needs to be done. Sometimes the guilt really pokes at me to interact with her more. That doesn't last long, because it is too hard to do. Between the loud TV and her unending talk of her symptoms and bad feelings about others, I get in such a bad mood that I have to get away from her. Very toxic to be around her for too long.
@ Jeanne Gibbs: "Why is your mom living with you? Does she have other impairments besides being crabby? "

Love that you put it this way. Maybe soon there will be a new and separate diagnosis category, maybe in the DSM manual:
"Impaired crabbiness, interfering with activities of daily functioning; difficulty with interpersonal relationships, with or without mobility issues or general age-related decline."
It will be at least covered by insurance!
CEce, it's tough having to curtail your personality, which I'm sure is caring and loving, because you need to protect yourself from your mother's harsh words. For me, that's been the hardest part of taking care of my FIL. He's not like your mother, being miserable or cross, but he does harass me and it's so darn difficult to have to change myself, and the way I live, because the only thing that works, that really works, is to avoid being with him. I leave him alone a lot, and I don't think that's what's best for an elder. It's what's best for me--and that makes it what's best for him, because otherwise, him living here wouldn't work. I sense you have to do this too, and then feel guilty about doing it, even though nothing else works. It's the only way to keep our loved one out of a NH (demented as he is, he is adamant about not going to one). So we do it, out of love. But there are some weeks I can barely stand it, or him. There's a saying about how what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, so I reckon we're getting pretty darn strong at something!

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