At the end of my rope.
I moved in with my adoptive mother (biological grandmother) to HELP take care of her. She has cancer that has spread into her lymph system and lungs. She is bed ridden and basically helpless. I have 3 young children that I barely get to see because my mom just doesn't want the noise around her. It breaks my heart to be away from them and to hear them cry and beg to stay with me, and when I try to explain this to my mom she just turns her head and tells me to stop talking about it. I am with her 24/7. At the time, I have no car and no job. All of my time and effort and money was put into helping care for her. I feel like I have given up so much for her and it's like no one cares at all. I'm expected to be here because well, where else am I going to go? I feel trapped and taken advantage of.
My sister lived next to us and she finally "moved in" with us to help, but she is more of a problem than any kind of help. She CHARGES my mom to stay with her and says it is justified since she has had to take some time off of work and use her car to go get meds/groceries/etc... She had been taking her to chemo treatments, which she also charged my mom for, but she complained SO much about it that my mom finally just gave up and quit the treatments.
I am the sole caretaker from midnight to about 4 or 5 in the evening, depending on when my sister feels like coming home. And even then, if I am not in there helping her do everything, I'm later cussed out and belittled by her where mom can't hear her. I've tried telling my mom about this and she just doesn't want to get involved. She ignores every single one of my concerns. I can't live like this anymore. I am so stressed and depressed. I barely sleep anymore, my sister can't be bothered at night to help me. The last time she got woke up I got yelled at. I can't shower for more than 5 minutes without my mom calling and yelling for me to hurry up and get out in case she needs me for something. Every time I try to eat, I have to get up and do something. I am absolutely miserable.
This is making me very, very short with my mom. I hardly look at her when I am caring for her, I don't say anything to her, I don't spend any time with her unless I have to. It makes me feel horrible to see that actually typed out but it's true. I hate being in this house.
Am I being selfish or cruel for feeling this way? Please help. I have no one to turn to here. No one understands this situation I am in.