At mercy of drug using daughter and boyfriend.

Started by

I will be 65 in a few months. My husband of 30+ years committed suicide in home basement. We had a paid off house in suburbs, but were behind in property taxes in NJ. Obtained reverse mortgage in 2008. My name was taken off of title and deed w/o knowledge. Later determined by fed. Govt. to be victim of predatory lending. 2 months after signing paper work my husband committed suicide. Because I was not 62 foreclosure was started against me. Lived in house for 30 yrs and worked all of adult life. Meanwhile I was left w/o support system. Returned to work not in my field. Daughter attended medical assistant school. New job was companion for 85 yr old woman close to home. Township turned off my water for 'not using enough water' Eventually we were forced to leave house because of lack of water.I moved into house of employer and paid most of my salery for rent. My daughter moved in with friends and began new job as MA. I was in retail adv. Design for newspaper w impeccible employment history.I looked young for age, physically fit, well educated, fashionable, outgoing. When my charge died at age 89 I needed to find a new home. My daughter rented an apt. In Philadelphia. I moved in w her. Both my husband and myself came from wealthy families. My husband was due to inherit large sum after step mother was deceased. In case of her outliving him the money would go to blood, bypassing spouses of my husband and his siblings spouses. When step mother died after husband inheritance was left to my daughter which was not considered a problem because we had agreed it would be split. When daughter received it, close to 1 million dollars, she told me she would give me only $50, 000. She would not discuss where she came up with arbitrary sum. I believe it was her new boyfriend who influenced her. I always gave my daughter finest clothes, toys, cars, etc, never used corporal punishment, was always a good and generous caring mother. To regain possession of my house I needed 30,000. She has never given me the 50, 000 as promised and eventually house and all of my possessions were seized without notice. Clothing, antiques, furniture, important papers, computers, everything.
In the 2and a half years living w her in a strange city my health has dramatically declined, I stay alone in a cheap white apt room totally isolated as daughter and new boyfriend will not talk to me. I don't have my car, I see no one, and have lost almost all of my hair due to stress, malnutrition and dehydration. My eyes have also deteriorated, untreated cataracts, vitreous detachment and mass on brain/orbit. Untreated broken ankle. Literally sit and lie on bed every day for over one year now. No walking, movement at all except to bathroom, kitchen. In the beginning, my daughter would buy food and I could at least cook nutritious meals. Now, she will order delivery for boyfriend and self only. I went through 12, 000 that I had managed to save in 3 years at last job. I was forced to relinquish all of it for rent and food. Finally I became elibible for widows benefits. 750 per month. Must use that for cabs to rare dr appts and mostly for food delivery. I usually eat one meal every 4 days. New boyfriend is only 25 while my daughter is 34. Its obvious that she is being used. I asked them to pick me up a few pieces of flounder, he said it was too expensive and that they are tired of supporting me. I told him that he doesn't support me but that my daughter supports him! They go on long extravagant vacations since neither of them choose to work. I long for my flowers and my birds at home and miss my husband so much. Also, my cats were left behind and I wonder what has become of them.
In first year here, my daughter who is bigger than me would attack me physically and literally throw me out of the apt
Because I said that I would call social services she has stopped laying hands on me but continues to verbally and financially abused me. Her new boyfriend is verbally abusive Calls me old woman and they tell me to Die in this room, and to go and live under a bridge. Everyday There are new packages arriving for my daughter of expensive clothing Hundreds and hundreds of pieces Meanwhile I am dressed in rags, old T-shirt w holes and pants that don't fit. When they tell me to leave If I don't like it here I say give me the money that you promised and I will leave. He tells me " You ain't getting s***" Neither one has a driver's license or job. My daughter has been convicted of several dui's, now uses cocaine and heroin that new boyfriend has introduced her to. They sleep all day, awake around 6pm and are up all night arguing, slamming doors, etc. I have no where to turn and have been threatened by bf not to even try to seek help. I am now unrecognizable and have aged 30 yrs. Near starvation every day, no fresh air, sun or exercise, I am dying. Have kept photos of my decline and of abuse on this phone. There is much more. What advice can u offer as I feel I would still be an asset to world if well & free. Please do not call authorites. Thank you for listening.


How about you call 911 and have yourself taken to the ER for treatment of dehydration and malnutrition. Once there, hospital social services can assist.
Get up and get out, don't put it off, just do it. Go to a women's shelter if you have to. I can't see any way for you to be any worse off than you are living now. They can help you find housing and a new life away from your predatory family.
Lizzy, that is such a sad story. With all of your medical and vision issues, it seems unrealistic that you could even post on AC Forum, but you did. It is the weekend, but if you go to AC administration contact, maybe they can send help.

Everyone knows that if someone is using drugs in the home, they will be taken away by police. You are understandably afraid, but why is it that getting help is not better than the status quo? Your mind must be playing tricks on you.

There are people on here that if given enough contact information (use private messaging), they are mandated reporters and can send help to you. I suggest that you do contact AC forum, and let the consequences for the drug addicted fall where they may.

Or, you can become competent for a day and call 911. Or, call a taxi.

Good luck, am so sorry that I cannot help you myself. Babalou and Cwillie have given you good advice. Please be brave, continue to be brave. It no longer matters what you've had, owned before, or if there are holes in your t-shirts.
What are you waiting for? You go girl!!
You say they sleep until 6pm each day. NOW is your opportunity, just get out. Go to the police station, they will protect you until Adult Protective Services or some other agency can help you with everything you may need. What you daughter and BF are doing to you is against the law.
We do care, and would like to hear that you have gotten to safety. Please post back on here, will having you in our hearts and prayers.
You have stayed in your room for one year. You say "please do not call the authorities."

Without contact with the outside world, what do you suppose will change your situation? Divine intervention? If you can post on a forum, you can contact social services, your doctor, the nearest hospital, the police. You need help. Get help.
I think this might be a troll.
You may be right.
Babalouie....yeah and it was on Lifetime with Lindsay Wagner / Leigh Taylor Young / LesleyAnn Down / Valerie Perrine......
I just now received all of your comments. I appreciate every one. I am mentally strong by nature and it took me a very long time to compose original letter. I didn't expect anyone to answer. I wrote the letter with the help of reading glasses and the microphone on phone. I have only been in possession of phone for 2 yrs and not as adept as i should be. I didn't want to call police because of fear. My appearance is one of a homeless person and i know that people incl. authorities will judge me by that whether consciously or not. Someone mentioned am I waiting for divine intervention. ..maybe I have been. Mostly I am waiting for my daughter to recognize what has happened, to become her old self again and to see me again. She was is my little girl and I can't believe this is my reality. I reached out on this site as a last resort and for a reality check. I keep thinking that drugs couldn't change a person so much but maybe they really do. If I see a doctor I am afraid that my appearance will send me to a mental hospital. The doctor that knows me for 30 plus years would immediately help me because he knows me but he is in NJ. I tried to make an appt. at his new workplace last year but they wouldn't give me an appt because of new insurance laws. If I go to the hospital in NJ where he still has rounds and wait for him there I am sure that he would help me. He has taken care of my family for years and would be surprised and saddened by what has happened to my daughter. But he knows ME and would see how abused I am , he is an old fashioned doctor and very kind.
I do ask myself what is the purpose of staying alive if I can't live a meaningful life. If I put myself in the hands of police I could end up anywhere, even worse thann here. I want to contact a woman or I saw names mentioned in a reply. I think that I am probably in worse shape thsn I realize. But all of you have given me hope. As for the ones that mentioned I'm a troll that is not very nice.
As I am writing this and the hunger is hurting I just heard the boyfriend from the bedroom with my daughter discussing my widow benefits, how much my medicine costs, etc. And just now I heard them order food for themselves only. Now I feel anger because she knows I need food. Why do I stay? Because she used to be my daughter. To go without basics is to be demoralized. I don't have the energy to wash and dress to leave but if I can get a cab to nj, before my daughter turned on me she gave me this phone. She does continue to pay for it when she put it on the family plan with hers and I am afraid that she will stop paying for mine if she knows I get help and this is my only communication with outside world plus it has evidence of my decline and notes on subject. .professional s that don't know us in pa would take their word over mine simply because they have told me they know how to talk to police while I appear not with it. They are both healthy and well dressed and aer fast talkers. Tired now, wikk review answers again later. Elizabeth

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

Please enter your Comment

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support