Feeling ashamed because I realize that this is too hard.

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My father recently passed away and my 74 year old mother, with late stage alzheimer's has moved in with me. We have a caregiver who comes daily, but evening and weekends are all me. I thought I could handle it, but within the last week I am just feeling hopeless. Very depressed and crying alot. it is so much work. She is like a giant 3 year old and needs help with everything. She doesn't know me or anyone else. I was so against placing her in a home, but now I feel like I will lose my mind if I dont...but that makes me depressed even more...Can anyone who has been in this situation offer some advice?

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cmkk7929, Hi. I'm so sorry about your father. I don't think with your mom moving in that you have enough time to mourn for your father. I'm currently living with both of my bedridden parents. I'm single and am described by people as very petite (meaning I'm small and very skinny.) When it was only mom bedridden, it was easy for dad and I to care for her. When dad became bedridden last year, only 1 of of my 7 siblings pitched in to help me physically. If we had NH here, I would have tried that option except my dad would never agree to it.

My mom has gone through what your mom is now going through. Your mom is forgetting not just memories but also everyday functions. Forget how to use the restroom, to eat (pick the spoon and put it the mouth), to talk, to walk, to swallow and eventually to breathe. If you're struggling now, it's only going to get worse. I know you're against putting her in NH but I don't. Of course you would feel guilty - just as I would if it was my parent. But, your mom will eventually be needing 24-hour care. It is very tiring and backbreaking (no matter how hard you try to lift/push the correct way.) I hope someone who has went through what you are now doing, will be able to respond to this.

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