Another what the f moment!

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Today mom announced that I don't include her in my social life enough. Let's put this in perspective. I moved half way across the country to her house leaving behind friends and a boyfriend (who has since flown the coup because he couldn't handle all the mama drama and who can blame him). I reconnected with a childhood friend here who I see maybe a half dozen times a year due to caregiving for Mom and the fact that my friend is married. I work 20 hours a week doing dog walking so as much as I love my doggy charges, a social life they do not provide. In between the dog runs, I use that time to run errands and maybe call one of my friends I never see. The rest of the time I'm here with mom. And yet according to mom, I'm "leaving her out" of my wild social life. S m h .


From you profile it appears that Mom has Parkinson Disease with Dementia (PDD). People with dementia provide one dang WTF moment after another. Of course what she is saying is not logical or rational. Dementia is not logical or rational. Sigh.
steviegirl, chances are that your mother really doesn't know what you are doing when you are gone. You may tell her you are walking a dog, but all she notices over time is that you're not there. Since she is home alone, it must be because you are leaving her out of your social life. It doesn't make any real sense, but in the world of dementia nothing has to make sense except to the person herself. :) I don't think there is anything you can do about it, because walking the dogs with you would be too difficult. Besides, walking dogs gives you a break. Something that may work for you is to turn off having any reaction to what is said. I've had to do that a lot lately, because if I react in any way it wouldn't be good. If you agree, it would be admitting guilt. If you disagree, it would be starting an argument. It can be better to not react at all.
Jessie my mother is never alone anymore. There is always someone with her i.e. home care since she is extremely diasabled. She is jealous of the dogs you are right about that. Dementia, loneliness and compromised physical health not a good combo. She needs a social life thst does not involve only me. And i need a real social life, not the delusional one in mom's head.
Due to constant wailing about being bored and lonely, for the 15 years since my dad passed I've had my boot up my mother's backside to get out and meet people, volunteer or go to a senior's centre. All suggestions were met with excuse after excuse ... a life long A1 narcissist I think she got some sort of weird pleasure out of the pity party drama. In fact she hated the neighbours wherever she lived, hid in her house, refused to have anything to do with anyone and continued to wail.

Like you, I gave up home, career and friends and moved 200 miles to care for her for the four years before she went into a nursing home. She couldn't possibly move to live near me because "I have sooo many friends". Yeah, right, I quickly discovered she had no friends at all and, being a pathological liar, had been telling people I lost my job and she saved me. A mutual friend suddenly stopped speaking to me eighteen months ago, no doubt due to Mommie Dearest's lies. I'm not allowed to have friends you see as she's so jealous. Every boyfriend I ever had was run off because "he only wants MY money", so I guess I've always felt worthless.

She's been in the nursing home two and a half years and is still wailing about being bored and lonely. There are 60 other residents and tons of activities but she stays in bed and wallows in her pity party. One long ago acquaintance drops by 3 or 4 times a year, another once or twice a year. Apart from them it's all up to me to keep running down there to entertain her while she lays in bed and complains about anything and everything. She's been the mother from hell all my life and I'm so done. It's taken me a lifetime but I now know it's her, not me.

I will continue to drop by from time to time and run her errands, but not so often now as the stress has been eating me alive. I'm rebuilding my life ... it's my turn now to have the life I want and follow my dreams.

As your mother is severely disabled it's time for a nursing home where she can receive professional and perhaps make new friends her own age. Look into your options as this situation is only going to get worse until you yourself become ill.
AAsh lynne i am so sorry for your situation. Truly trumps my problems. My mom has friends fbut they have become b day and xmas visitors and one who lives less than 5 minutes away, drops the presents at the door half the time. Mom claims it's her fault not theirs that this happens. Bull crap. I told mom today as i have in the past that she needs other outlets besides me. Mom and i are going to visit a facility tomorrow not that she's so eager but because her financial planner said she will run out if money in a few years so she needs to sell this house and usr her Ltc for it. The AL is gorgeous. Just worried that it isnt skilled enough for mom. I too quit my job but i was being railroaded by my principal who wanted 20 somethings not an old hag of 48. Thought i might find a teaching job here but ran into the same age snafu. Then mom went downhill and i was her primary cg for a few yrs. Cant do it anymore alone. Got more homecare and mom's financial planner sounded the alarm. My mom too makes it sound like she rescued me but if i hadnt come, she would have been in AL 6 yrs ago. I came here to help when she wasn't this bad, thinking i could get work. Wasnt mom's plan. She kept saying "you need to think of me as your job"' Hot mess that needs to change fast.
It's important to a lot of parents that they feel that they rescued us. I came to live with my parents after my marriage broke up. They needed me and I didn't have anything that kept me from coming here, so it made sense. To hear my mother talk, you would think that she rescued me from having to go to shelters and the soup kitchen. I think it saves her pride, since she needs to feel in control. It sure makes me feel lowly when she says these things. I tell her that I am not poor, that I came to help, but that thought doesn't set well with her. She seems to need to see me as a poor destitute soul she is helping out.
I think narcissists don't care for the whole idea of friendship. They want absolute control. Friends are independent equals and so are considered a waste of time. Once narcissistic women marry and particularly have children, there is no time for friends because they have the absolute control they crave over the young kids.

They often don't want the kids to have friends either, partly because they think friendship is worthless and partly because friendship gives emotional support to the kids and makes them more independent. It sure was that way with me, though it took me years to figure out it wasn't me and my inadequate social skills so much as her sabotaging every relationship I might have had. I remember her saying she didn't think school friendships mattered because you left them behind when you left school.

Nowadays she moans that.she doesn't have any friends, She is also bored all the time as she has never developed any interest in anything. That would take effort and other people are supposed to be making all the efforts on her behalf.

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