My mother is 92, and other than moderate dementia, is in the pink of health. I use to travel an hour to see her every Saturday. I would bring food, fix a few things around the house, listen to her complain about life, take her shopping and then go home. However, visiting my mother is like having a buzz saw going directly through my head. She is insulting, critical, ungrateful, demanding, argumentative, manipulative and downright unpleasant to be around. She also has dementia memory loss, so she repeats all of this kind of behavior over and over and over again on the same topics.
I have tried to be generous and kind and patient over the past twenty years. However, now, at sixty, I am not so patient. In order to save my sanity I do not go to visit her every week. I go once every two weeks, sometimes three. I speak to her on the phone during the week, mostly a friday night call is all I can manage. She hates her life and is always telling me that. I try to help, she says I am trying to control her life. If I back away, she says, in so many words, that I owe her. She has refused in-home care to help her with light housekeeping or even taking her food shopping. She has medication for depression, but refuses to take it. She has no other friends and one of her sisters has severe alzheimers, whom she visits from time to time.
I think my mother has been verbally abusive all of my life, but now, I realize it is a combination of her age, the dementia, etc. However, I do not have any patience anymore. I'm not sure what I can do.
If anyone has had this situation before, I'd be grateful for any advice. I feel so alone with all of this.